


Adrift No More

by Rivermoon1970



Category: Criminal Minds, NCIS, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, BDSM dynamics, Collars, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e01 Nameless Faceless, Episode: s07e01 Truth or Consequences, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Healing, House Lannister, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rope Bondage, Spencer is a Sheppard, Tony as a Father, Trouble Magnet Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 23:30:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10977648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: Tony is a collard Sub who has lost the most important person in his life, his Dom. Now faced with being a single father he has to decide what is best for him and Jack. No longer feeling safe at NCIS, when an opportunity comes along from an old acquaintance, Tony jumps at the chance. Making a life on Atlantis won't be easy for either himself or his son, but it just may be the best decision he could have made, all because of one Colonel John Sheppard. Healing from his loss Tony slowly opens his heart to John and finds a world of new possibilities.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [penumbria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/penumbria/gifts).



> DADT never existed in this AU verse.
> 
> And, Spencer Reid is actually a Sheppard in this story.

  
Title: Adrift No More  
Author: rivermoon1970  
Artist: [penumbria](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10949937)  
Written For: 2017 NCIS Reverse Big Bang  
Beta's: [DarkJediQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen), [KliqzAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KliqzAngel)  
  
  


The listing for the House System for this story can be found here:  <http://archiveofourown.org/works/9002575>

* * *

 

 

“I don’t like you doing this, Tone,” Aaron said as he cupped Tony’s cheek and laid his forehead on his Subs.

“You know the motto Aaron, never leave a man behind.”

“You don’t even like Ziva.”

“My feelings for Ziva are complicated, you know that. I know Gibbs chose me in Israel, and I’ll forever be grateful because he brought me back to you. I don’t even want to know what you would have done to him if he hadn’t.”

Aaron’s expression went flat and cold. He knew exactly what he would have done, and it probably would have ruined his career, but Tony was more important. Always would be. Aaron swallowed and pressed his lips together trying to understand his Subs motives, but Tony was an infinitely more complicated man than his team ever gave him credit for.

“No, you really don’t want to know.” Aaron closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I would have burned NCIS to the ground.”

Tony had absolutely no doubt that Aaron would do exactly what he said. While he knew the man had loved his ex-wife, it was nothing compared to what Tony knew Aaron felt for him. There wasn’t even a comparison. He ought to know because he felt the same.

“I promise, I will come back to you and Jack.”

“Be careful. I can’t ask you not to get hurt, because I know you too well, just come back in one piece.”

Tony smiled and chuckled softly as he kissed Aaron. And as things were about to get good, because morning sex with Aaron was always worth it, his Dom’s phone went off.

“Terrible timing.”

“Always is.”

Aaron rolled off Tony and grabbed his phone. As he talked, Tony stood and went to take a shower and get dressed. He moved to the living room where Jack was already up. Grabbing the boy in his arms, Tony took him to his room to get him ready for daycare.

“Well, this is interesting.” Aaron came out of the bedroom by the time that Tony had Jack ready and some quick breakfast on the counter.

“What is it?”

“Apparently a former Marine decided to ram his car into the Canadian border patrol and is confessing to a large number of murders. The RCMP is asking for a consult.”

“That doesn’t sound right at all.”

“No, no it doesn’t, and we have to get to the bottom of what motivated the suspect to do this. I’ll call you and let you know what’s going on. And, Tony?”

“I know, be careful.” A quick kiss and Aaron was out the door. It would be the last time Tony saw his Dom alive.

“Tony.” The hand on his shoulder and the calm voice next to him were the only things holding him together as he looked down at the face of the man he loved. Fighting himself he looked up at the medical examiner, wishing like hell that it was Ducky, and nodded.

“Yes, that’s Aaron.” His voice broke as he said Aaron’s name, then pulled out of Gibbs’s hold on him and strode out of the room. He didn’t want to look anymore, he was barely holding the pain and guilt inside him. He cursed himself, he cursed NCIS, he cursed fucking Ziva and his goddamn guilty conscious for leaving her behind in Israel.

Tony collapsed on a bench outside the room that Aaron would never leave. He was bent over, holding his face in his hands and shaking with the barely controlled emotions he was keeping inside.

“Tony.” Gibbs crouched in front of him and laid a hand on his knee. “This isn’t your fault, Tony.”

“Isn’t it?” Tony’s head came up, and he looked Gibbs in the eye. He had not realized that tears fell as his breath quickened. He fisted his hands on his thighs, his whole body tense. “I left to find fucking Ziva when I should have been here. If I had that bastard wouldn’t have come anywhere near Aaron. How am I not responsible?”

“Because you couldn’t have known, DiNozzo. There wasn’t any way for you to know that Foyet would show up like that.”

“Why the fuck are you being so goddamned reasonable.” Tony was furious. At Foyet, at the BAU, at himself, at the whole fucked up situation. He wasn’t sure if he could take this Gibbs. This nice Gibbs. He wanted the bastard, Gibbs, telling him he fucked up, hell he would even take a head slap right about now.

A harsh laugh came out of him as he thought about the first time Aaron had witnessed a Gibbs head slap. He thought the man was going to tear Gibbs a new one and made it very clear to Gibbs that if he ever touched Tony in any way ever again, Aaron would ruin him. Tony had no doubt that he could. That one memory, for some reason, made him laugh. But even he knew it sounded a little maniacal, and before long that laugh turned into a sob that ripped right from the very soul of him. Gibbs reached out, and Tony felt himself being pulled down into Gibbs lap. Normally, he’d fight, not wanting to be taken care of like that, but this time, he didn’t have the energy to fight. Tony let himself break, and by the time he was done the others had shown up. Aaron’s team, those closest to him and he just couldn’t deal with them.

“It’s true?” Tony looked toward the voice and saw Spencer standing there, holding himself around the middle, devastation on his face.

Tony took a deep breath and touched his collar to try to center himself. He pulled away from Gibbs, knowing that he wasn’t going to accept that level of comfort from the man again. He stood and looked at the faces of his lover’s team and wiped his face.

“Yes. It’s Aaron, and it was the Reaper.” Tony steeled himself as the others stood there in shock. He felt eyes on him and turned to see who it was. Rossi was looking at him, but Tony couldn’t decipher that look. “I’m sorry, I should have…” The words weren’t even out of his mouth when he was engulfed in surprisingly strong arms.

“It is not your fault Tony,” Spencer whispered in his ear and held him for a moment before he pulled away. Then each member of the team did the same. Tried to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, but Tony couldn’t help the guilt that settled deep in his heart. At this moment he hated himself, but he hated Ziva even more.

“I should have been there Spencer. I should have listened to Aaron.”

“Tony, he understood why you did what you did.” Emily Prentiss took his hand and tried to reassure him. He knew none of them would blame him, but he would always blame himself.

“I ah, I need to go. I have to talk to Jack.” Just saying the little boy’s name had Tony close to hyperventilating. He had no idea how he was going to tell a four-year-old his father was never coming home. Not when Jack saw Aaron as a superhero that always came back, no matter what. That was another thing Tony was going to feel guilty about. He knew it was irrational, but he just couldn’t help it.

“Let me take you, Tony,” Gibbs said before anyone else could offer. Not wanting to fight, Tony just nodded his head, then a moment later his boss was leading him to his car. Tony didn’t even care or make a comment about Gibbs driving skills. In the larger scheme of things he just didn’t care.

When they got to the daycare center, Tony had shored up his feelings. He took Jack out, and the boy didn’t ask questions. Tony was thankful for small mercies. When they finally got home, Gibbs followed him into the house, Tony didn’t know how he was going to tell Jack.

Picking up the four-year-old in his arms, Tony sat with him in the chair they used for story time. Jack cuddled on his lap, and Tony told him what happened. Tony was thankful that Jack had never really known his mother, though Aaron had tried to make her real for Jack. The complications from the pregnancy had gotten worse the closer she was to delivering Jack. Losing Haley had been a huge blow to Aaron, but he did everything he could to be a good father to newborn Jack. Tony and Aaron had been in a platonic Dom/Sub relationship already, with Haley’s blessing. Then after her death during Jack’s birth, they grew closer, and intimacy and sex slowly started between them. When Aaron asked Tony about a collar, there was no hesitation on his part. He said yes, and Tony had found the family he had always been craving.

Tony had always said he hated children, but that wasn’t entirely accurate. Jack had won him over, and though he was still uncomfortable around other people’s children, Jack would always have his heart. And now, he was going to break that heart.

Jack cried himself out and fell asleep against Tony. Gibbs had stayed, and Tony was conflicted. He wanted to be alone, just him and his son, but on a deeper level, he was grateful that Gibbs was there.

“I’m going to put him to bed. I’m not ready to talk about this. I need time Gibbs.”

“I know Dinozzo.”

“So, you can go home.”

“Not going to happen.”

“Please, Boss? I can’t deal with you right now. I need time alone.”

“Tony…”

“No, please,” Tony didn’t want to beg, but he would. He needed to be alone. Tony needed to grieve in his own way, and he couldn’t deal with his grief with someone else there. He had already let himself be vulnerable around Gibbs, and that was a dangerous thing for him. Tony once had an attraction to the older man, and if it hadn’t been for Aaron, Tony thought that maybe Gibbs would have tried something, but he never did. When Tony met Aaron, that was it. Even in their platonic phase, Tony was ridiculously attracted to Aaron and thoughts of anything with Gibbs was buried deep. It was too soon for Tony to accept comfort from Gibbs because that was a slippery slope that Tony didn't want to find himself on. He hoped the Dom wouldn’t press the issue.

“Alright. You need anything you call.” Gibbs stood, and Tony could see the reluctance on his face. The man was a Dom down to his very core, and Tony knew all he saw was a Sub in pain. Right now, though, he didn’t want to think about that. He was just a man who lost the love of his life. “Tony, this wasn’t your fault. Even if you were here, there isn’t any guarantee he wouldn’t have tried something else.”

“Doesn’t matter. I wasn’t here, and now Aaron’s dead, and it’s partly my fault. Don’t, Gibbs. Don’t try to make me not feel guilty about this because I will always feel guilty about this.” And at that moment, Tony had a small insight into why his boss held onto his dead wife and daughter so hard. The guilt he felt, and the pain. He wouldn’t bring it up, though, as Shannon was a very delicate subject for Gibbs.

Gibbs just nodded before he made his way out the door and then Tony was alone. Closing his eyes as he touched his collar grounded him for just a moment. Tomy made his way into his bedroom and collapsed. He grabbed Aaron’s pillow, the one that still smelled like him, still had remnants of his favored cologne, and that underlying scent that was all Aaron. Tony curled around that pillow and let himself grieve.

* * *

Planning a funeral was one of the hardest things Tony had to deal with. He never thought it would be so soon. Tony and Aaron had so many plans for their life together, and it was all cut down. Tony was numb through the whole process, and while Gibbs had helped him through it, he felt so very alone.

Somehow Senior had found out about the whole thing, but he didn’t want him there. He told his father to stay wherever he was, that he didn’t want him at the funeral. Especially after Senior’s refusal to come to Tony’s collaring ceremony. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with his father.

Standing at the head of the grave, Tony’s hands shook just a little as he held the written eulogy in his hands. Clearing his throat, he looked out at the people that were there. Friends, the family that Aaron had made with his team, and even Jessica Brooks, Haley’s sister. She had shown up to lend her support.

“When Aaron and I first met, it was during a meet and greet at our training house. We hit it off right away, and even though our relationship was platonic at first, there was always an attraction. When his wife died in childbirth, I was surprised he turned to me, but happy also. It had been an easy decision to accept his collar, and I will never regret one single day we were together.

“Despite what some people believed, Aaron had a wicked sense of humor. You just needed to know how to bring it out, and how to listen to him. He was too serious at times, took too much on himself, and I was proud that I could be his solace.” Tony’s voice cracked as he looked at the paper in his hand, tears clouded his vision, but he held them back, pulling on his own inner strength to just get through the next few hours. “He often laughed at the Agent No-Smile moniker he had been given. But, Aaron was the best of us. Strong, loyal, confident, and a heart that would sometimes break in the privacy of our home over the things he had seen. He was a loving father and tried his very best to give Jack a good home, a loving home. Even though Jack had never met his mother, Aaron did his best to keep her alive for him.

“He loved to run, it was one of those things that brought him real peace. He loved music. I don’t know if anyone else knew this, but he played the guitar. His favorite all time band was the Beetles. His favorite Beetle was George Harrison. We would often play together, me on the piano, him on his Gibson, and the look on his face...he was beautiful. He kept me centered, he respected me, while he pushed me to my limits, then pushed just a little more making me believe in myself, as a lover, as his Sub, and as a person. It was his encouragement that I went back to school and finished my degree. I probably never would have without him.

“Aaron,” Tony’s voice quivered for a moment as he took a deep breath and looked, for the first time at the casket before him. “He was the heart of me, and I know I will never be the same.”

Tony was finished. He couldn’t say anymore as he moved off to the side, letting the others have their say about the man they all cared about. He knew that Spencer wasn’t going to be able to say anything. Aaron had been like a big brother to him and often protected him. Aaron, more than anyone else on the team, understood Spencer. Tony knew the man was grieving hard, but his own guilt held him back from offering comfort.

When it was over, and the casket lowered, Tony felt like his heart was being buried as well. Holding Jack in his arms, Tony stood there, staring, trying not to feel. He wasn’t sure how long he was there, Jack was getting heavy in his arms, but he didn’t care. The sun was slowly setting, and still, he didn’t care. He knew he should be at the reception, that it was expected of him, but he was having the hardest time moving from that spot.

“Tony,” Gibbs called out as he walked up next to him. “You have to go Tony. You can’t stay here.”

Taking a shuddering breath, he nodded, knowing Gibbs was right.

“Blow a kiss to Daddy, Jack.”

Jack kissed his fingers then blew on them, he then kissed them again and held his hand out for Tony. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Tony gently blew.

“Bye Daddy,” Jack whispered as he laid his head on Tony’s shoulder. Taking another moment, Tony said a silent I love you and a goodbye. Turning, Tony let himself be led away from Aaron’s grave.

When they got to Gibbs car, Tony put Jack in his car seat, then got in the front. He stared ahead, silent while Gibbs drove. He needed the time to shore himself up before having to be somewhat social.

The reception hall was full of mourners, and well wishers and all Tony wanted to do was yell at them to just go the fuck home. He knew it was selfish, so he kept his own counsel, held his head up and did his duty.

“Tony, I’m…” Ziva was in front of him, and Tony felt the anger at her rise up. He could actually feel his face going cold and flat.

“If you say that you’re sorry, I swear you will not like what I have to say to you.”

“Maybe you now know how I feel.”

The low growl that came out of Tony’s throat surprised even him.

“This is nothing like you and Rivkin, and if you even dare compare your traitorous boyfriend to Aaron, I swear to God Ziva David you will not like what I have to say. I may have saved your life, but I lost more than you can imagine. So, back the fuck off.” Tony glared at the woman who frowned at Tony, then looked like she thought better of what she was going to say. She took one last look at Tony and walked away.

Tony moved stiffly through the crowd but always keeping his eye on Jack, who was currently being watched over by JJ and Penelope Garcia. Knowing his son was safe, Tony felt comfortable leaving him for the moment as he walked out onto the wide balcony, looking out on the grounds of the cemetery.

He was thankfully alone for a while, till he felt someone come to stand next to him, trying to hand him a glass of alcohol. Tony took the glass then turned his head to see who it was.

“Dave.” Tony raised his glass and tipped it towards the cemetery then took a drink.

“Tony, if there is anything you need.”

“What I need is to find the bastard and get justice for Aaron.”

Tony knew Dave was scrutinizing him.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Tony. That little boy needs you.”

“Oh Dave, don’t worry. If I did anything, I wouldn’t get caught.” Tony didn’t even try to hide what he was feeling from Dave. They stared at each other for a few moments before Dave just shook his head and walked off. A short time later Jessica brought Jack back to him. Tony picked him up and sat down on the stone bench that wrapped around the balcony.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Papa. I miss Daddy.” Jack leaned into Tony as he held the boy close.

“I know Figlio. I miss him too.” Tony kissed the top of Jack’s head and felt the little boy let out a sigh.

“I wanna go home.”

“We will baby. I just have to say goodbye to a few people.”

“Okay.”

Tony stood and made his way to the group, saying his goodbyes. He found Gibbs and asked him to be taken home. The drive was solemn, and once again Tony was glad that Gibbs didn’t mind the silence. It had been a stressful, emotional day, and Tony just wanted to go to sleep.

After getting inside, Tony immediately put Jack to bed, who had fallen asleep in the car. He thanked Gibbs then saw him out before turning to his room. Tony stripped and crawled into bed, trying to stave off the depression he felt coming. Tony just kept telling himself he had to be strong for Jack.

* * *

Tony was surprised over the next couple of days how Jessica wanted to help out. He knew she felt guilty for not being in Jack’s life, so he didn’t keep the boy from her. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise because Vance wanted to talk to him. Tony didn’t want to go into the office, so he told the Director he had to come to the house.

Dressing carefully, Tony had coffee ready, and Jessica came early to take Jack for the day. Looking around the living room, Tony again thought about selling the house, the memories of his life with Aaron were sometimes too much. The knock on the door brought him out of memories, and Tony adjusted the collar before going to open the door. Tony wasn’t sure if he was going to take it off or not. He wasn’t sure he could.

Opening the door Tony didn’t even try to plaster on a fake smile, it would take too much effort on his part.

“Director, thank you for coming.”

“DiNozzo.” Tony held the door open and let Vance inside.

“Would you like some coffee?”

“You don’t have to.”

“No trouble, it’s already made.” Tony led Vance to the kitchen and gestured to the table in the nook. They each took a seat, and Tony poured coffee from a carafe and passed a cup to Vance.

“DiNozzo...Tony, I didn’t get to say I’m sorry for what you are going through. I cannot imagine it myself.”

Tony was suspicious of Vance’s motivations and why he wanted to talk to him, but he would hear the man out.

“Thank you. It is appreciated.”

“I didn’t know you were finishing a degree.”

“You haven’t ever actually read my personnel file, have you, Director?” Tony’s mouth formed a smile, but it wasn’t a happy one.

“I did. After the funeral. And I want to say that I’m sorry Tony. I didn’t look at your file, and I made snap judgments that kept you in that box I had created for you. I, sadly, didn’t know you had gotten a doctorate.”

Tony sipped his coffee, thankful that Jack wasn’t around to hear this conversation because he didn’t think it was going to go well.

“You believed I got Jenny killed when it was a suicide mission right from the beginning. You also didn’t read my after action reports regarding the Benoit fiasco. Aaron and I were still platonic at that point, but he was the one to talk me through it all. I was used. I’m still being used, and frankly, I’m tired of it.”

“It’s why I’m here. NCIS is prepared to offer you a generous retirement package. I know you have a young son to raise and suddenly becoming a single parent can’t be easy.”

Tony sat back and stared at Vance. Tilting his head down he huffed and couldn’t really believe what he was hearing.

“No.”

“DiNozzo…”

“No! I am not going to retire. You’ll have to get rid of me another way, and this isn’t it. I’m sorry to ruin your little plan Director, but I need to keep my life as normal as possible. It will hurt my son and me if too many changes happen too fast.”

“That’s your choice of course.”

“Of course.”

“You’ll have to come in and change your status.”

“No.”

“DiNozzo.”

“I am not changing my status from collared. It’s too fucking soon Vance. Jesus Christ, I just lost my partner, the man I thought I would spend my entire life with is gone. It’s only been days, Director, so no as far as I’m concerned I am still Aaron’s collared Sub.” Tony glared at Vance and dared him to say anything different.

Vance looked like he wanted to say more, but didn’t.

“Then take some time, come back when you are ready.”

“I will. I don’t think I need to see you out, do I?”

Vance stood and looked sadly at Tony. He had nothing more to say, and Tony wasn’t going to let him anyway. He watched as Vance left and Tony knew there was a lot to do, but he just didn’t have the energy to do it. Standing up Tony went to rinse out the cups and just stood there. Too much to do and not really enough time to do it.

The reading of the will was in a few days, and that was another thing Tony wasn’t looking forward to. The rest of the day was a day where Tony indulged in being lazy. He didn’t think he could actually make any decisions about his life as of yet. The only thing he knew was to take it each day as it came.

* * *

Tony walked into NCIS almost three weeks after he buried Aaron. He was still off-kilter and probably would be for months. This wasn’t something Tony was ‘just going to get over’ like he was supposed to do with Jeanne. He had hated leaving Jack, but Jessica had stepped up and said she wanted to help. She wasn’t collared and had no commitments, and her job was flexible enough that she could work at home and watch the boy. The morning hadn’t gone well as Jack clung to him, not wanting to let him go.

As he was getting himself settled, he felt someone near his desk. He looked up to see Abby standing there.

“You’re in early Abbs.”

“I wanted to see you. We didn’t get to talk at...well you know.” Abby scrunched up her face as she held out a Tupperware to him. “I made this for you. Your favorite peanut butter, chocolate chip brownies.”

Tony smiled and didn’t have the heart to tell her that they were actually Aaron’s favorite. He would bring them home, and before Jack and Tony could get one, they would end up all gone. Aaron would blush and give Tony a smirk before kissing him stupid. Taking a deep breath, he took the Tupperware and set it on his desk.

“Thank you, Abby.” Tony stood and pulled the young Switch into his arms. “I appreciate it.”

“You know I’m here for you Tony.”

“I know. I just need to have something normal in my life right now. So, I’m going to get to work, but thank you.”

Abby kissed his cheek then bounced away on her too tall Doc Martins. It made him chuckle slightly to see that some things hadn’t changed. His world might have shattered, but there was still some good around him. As he sat back down Tony touched the collar and closed his eyes. He knew the gesture was born out of anxiety and having his world blown apart, but it grounded him, made him remember that he had been loved.

Shaking himself out of the memories, Tony turned to his desk and let himself get lost in work. It was a couple of hours before the others had made it in, but Tony just kept his head down and kept working.

“Tony.” He looked up at Ziva and didn’t even try to hide his feelings. “I am sorry for what I said to you at the reception. It was inappropriate. I am sorry for your loss.”

Tony sat back and couldn’t help assessing the woman in front of him. He wanted to be petty, wanted to throw her condolences back in her face, but truthfully he just didn’t have the energy. Taking a deep breath, he nodded.

“Thank you. Now, I have a lot of work to catch up on.” The cold tone Tony hoped would make her back off, he didn’t want to deal with Ziva and all of her crap at the moment. When she moved back to her desk, he looked at her through slitted eyes and saw her going right to work. Gone were the days of friendly, flirty banter. He was done with her that way. He knew it was partially irrational, that he shouldn’t have felt guilty for leaving her in Israel in the first place, but he did.

“Tony!” Tim looked like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to smile, or if he wanted to show sympathy. The expression was a weird combination of both. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Tony stood and smiled. Though he and Tim had a rocky relationship lately, the man had come through for him when it really counted. He had come by at night to have dinner and talk, really talk like they had used to. Some days Spencer even showed up, and the three of them became closer than they had been. Tony, though, was worried about Spencer. The Genius looked worse than Tony had ever seen him, and it didn’t go unnoticed how he was scratching and holding his elbow. On those nights, Tony let him stay over, hoping to keep him from doing something stupid. Some nights he woke with Spencer curled up next to him trying to find some comfort.

“Thanks, McGee.” Tony just smiled at him and sat back down, he didn’t even have the energy to pretend to be happy.

“If you need anything…” Tim trailed off and stood there, slightly uncomfortable.

“I know, Timmy.” Tony stood and had a couple of folders in his hands. He needed to get out of there for a few moments, and hoping to ground himself, he decided to go see Ducky. “I need to go see Ducky, when Gibbs gets here, tell him I’m down in Autopsy.”

“I will.” Tim sat down, and Tony couldn’t help feeling eyes on him as he walked away. When he got the elevator and pushed the down button, he swallowed down the anxiety he was feeling being back. The elevator opened, and he stood there a moment before he shook himself out of the fugue state he almost had fallen into. Stepping into the elevator, he pushed the button to the appropriate floor and sighed.

When he walked into Autopsy, he almost walked back out again. He wondered how long it was going to be for him to be comfortable in the room again. When he stepped past the automatic doors, his heart started to race, and he felt the blood rushing in his ears. His breathing shallowed, and he felt like he was going to pass out.

“Oh dear, Tony my boy, why don’t you come sit down?” Tony didn’t even see Ducky in the room till he felt the older man grab his elbow and lead him to the desk chair. Tony sat down, almost on autopilot. “Stay right there.” Ducky laid a hand on his shoulder, grounding him. He just looked up and nodded his head.

Ducky moved away, and Tony put his head between his hands and tried to get control of himself. A moment later and a cold glass was being pressed into one of his hands.

“Drink this. It’s just water.” Ducky had grabbed another chair and sat in front of Tony.

“Thanks, Duck,” Tony said after he finished it off.

“Are you sure you are ready to be back here, Anthony? I cannot imagine what you are experiencing. Just know that if you need a shoulder, I am always here.”

Tony took a deep breath and felt more grounded than he had in awhile.

“I appreciate it, Ducky. It's just...I didn’t think it was going to hit me so hard coming here. I ah...I came to ask about these cases.” Tony opened the file and got down to business. He was grateful that Ducky didn’t push him, and he made the notes he needed before he stood and went back to his desk.

The rest of the day progressed, and slowly Tony was feeling better in his own skin. When it got late, he left with no arguments from Gibbs. The only thing he was sorry about was that he hadn’t seen Palmer, he had missed him, and would try to catch up with him at a later date.

Getting home to the empty house was surreal, and Tony hated the fact that he would get used to it as time went on. The saving grace was when Jessica brought Jack home, and the three of them had dinner together. Making homemade pasta and roasted chicken with vegetables helped to settle him even more. After dinner was bathtime, then a movie, and storytime. But, before Tony tucked Jack into bed, he sat with him, and they both talked to Aaron about their day. Tony knew it fell on deaf ears, but the nightly routine helped the both of them and Tony was loathed to stop it. After giving Jack a kiss on the forehead, Tony went to his office and worked. Insomnia was the new normal for him as of late, and instead of fighting it, he just went with it. He knew eventually he would collapse and sleep, but for now, he worked. And that work was finding Foyet.

 


	2. Part 2

What no one tells you or makes you understand is that when you lose that person you love, the one who meant everything to you that the day to day shit was infinitely much harder than you could ever know. Tony was learning this one day at a time.

His alarm had gone off, and he hit the snooze, then turned in bed expecting, in his fuzzy mind, for his lover to be there. Every morning since the funeral had been like this. Waking up, a slight smile, then turning on his side expecting to see Aaron's smiling face, then reality slamming back inside of him. He grabbed the pillow that still smelled like Aaron, though it was fading as each day passed. He curled around the pillow and dug deep inside to find the will to leave the bed. 

Finally, he would sit up, touch his collar and close his eyes. The day that Aaron had given it to him, the love and joy between them as they held a party where he collared Tony with their closest friends in attendance. It was the memory that got him out of bed every day. Showers were quick, lingering meant memories of mornings being pushed against the tiled wall and Aaron fucking him, slow or fast depending on how they felt that morning. The words of love slipping from their lips, reaffirming what it was they had between them. He stepped out of the warm shower to stand in front of the mirror and took a deep breath, trying to find his center again and nothing worked. There was a part of him that considered going to Byron House and asking for seclusion. Then those thoughts would be dashed because he couldn’t leave Jack.

Tony started going through the motions of getting ready, then going into Jack’s room to get the boy up and ready for school. Some days, like today, Tony stood in the doorway, shaking with all of his repressed grief and guilt, and wished the peaceful look on Jack’s face would carry over to when he woke, but the reality was, they were both hurting, deeply. It took him a few moments to get himself under control enough that he could help Jack dress. 

Mealtimes had become the hardest, and today was no exception. Tony set the plates out as he worked on making pancakes and eggs. When he realized there were three plates instead of two, he gripped the counter, turned off the stove and slipped down to the floor. Tony sat back against the cabinets with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head in his hands. He felt little hands on his head, patting him and it about broke him.

He uncurled from his position and let Jack crawl into his lap. Father and son wrapped around each other, trying to comfort one another.

“Love you, Papa.” Jack sniffed as he laid his head on Tony’s chest.

“I love you too, Little Man.” Tony took a shaky breath as they sat together on the floor trying to understand how to take the next steps.

“I miss Daddy.” Jack held onto Tony as tightly as he could.

“I know Figlio. I miss Daddy too.” There wasn’t anything else to say. Breakfast now cold and forgotten, Tony knew they needed to move, he was just trying to find the strength to let Jack go.

Tony didn’t even flinch when the front door opened and a moment later Jessica was coming into the kitchen. She bent down and bussed a kiss against Tony’s forehead, then laid a hand on Jack’s back, trying to give them something they could hold onto. Tony let Jack go, and Jessica picked him up, no words needed to be exchanged.

“Hey, Jackers, why don’t we get your things and I’ll take you to McDonald's and get you some pancakes.”

“Papa?” 

“I’ll be okay, kiddo. Go with your Aunt Jessica.”

“I’ll be back Tony.”

Tony snorted and considered a quip about killer robots and Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he didn’t even have the energy for that. He just nodded his head and watched as the woman left with Jack. Tony didn’t move. His mind was empty as he stared at the counter opposite him. He didn’t know what to do, what move to make, everything was just so wrong.

He was startled out of his thoughts when a hand was laid on his knee and looked to the side to see that Jessica had indeed come back.

“Come on, Tony. I brought you something to eat.”

Tony just nodded as he stood and followed Jessica out to the nook in the corner of the kitchen. He slipped into the small bench seat and saw that a sandwich, coffee, and hash browns waited for him. Jessica sat opposite and sipped the coffee she had bought for herself.

“Thank  you.” Tony took a sip of the coffee then leaned back closing his eyes. “For everything Jessica. For helping with Jack.”

“I’m happy to do it. I just wish I had been around sooner. It was my own grief and anger over Haley’s death, and it was unfair to you and Aaron.”

“He never blamed you. He wanted you to know Jack, but he wanted to give you the time.”

Jessica nodded then reached across the table and laid her hand over Tony’s.

“I’m here to help for whatever you need Tony.”

“I’m…” Tony ate by rote knowing he needed something in his stomach. He didn’t even really taste the food. It was just something to help him refuel. “I’m not handling this at all.”

“No one says you should. No one says that you need to feel better about any of this miraculously. Aaron was a good man, and you both loved each other. I wish I had someone who loved me even half of what Aaron loved you.”

Tony didn’t know what to say.

“Someone will see the person you are, Jess. You’ll find someone to love you.”

Tony pulled back and finished his coffee. 

“Well, I need to get to work. Do you need me to pick Jack up? It isn’t a problem to adjust my lunch schedule to do it.”

“No, no you keep your lunch time for yourself. Thank you, Jess. I’ll be alright.”

“Somehow I don’t believe you, but I’ll go. Just call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you. I will.”

Jessica left, and now Tony was all alone. He knew he needed to get up and finish getting ready for work.

* * *

As he sat at his desk, there were all these little things that Tony debated putting away. Pictures, silly little gifts that Aaron had brought back to him from hotel gift shops. It was an inside joke between them, and now they were just painful reminders.

“DiNozzo, do you have those reports on Lieutenant Barnes?”

“Yes, Boss. Here.” Tony stood and dropped the folder on Gibbs’ desk, shaking himself out of the funk he had sunk into. 

“Tony, are you sure you don’t need more time?” Gibbs asked as he looked up from the file.

“No. Time means sitting at home and being surrounded…” Tony swallowed down the emotions then turned and went back to his desk. “I just need something normal.”

He felt Gibbs staring as he went back to work. The atmosphere was Subdued and quiet, and Tony knew his coworkers didn’t know how to act around him now. He found he just didn’t care.

Lunchtime rolled around, and Tony went to pick-up Jack from preschool, then took him to the babysitters. He ran through a drive through then back at his desk. He worked through some of his backlog paperwork to help keep his mind occupied.

He noticed some of the files on his desk were Ziva’s. Sighing, he picked them up, stood and put them in her inbox.

“What are those?” She frowned at the growing pile that was in her inbox.

“Your files. I made notes on what needs to be fixed.” Tony turned and went back to his desk.

“They were perfect. I do not understand.”

“They were not perfect, and you need to re-do them. I am not going to fix your mistakes anymore, David.”

Ziva looked ready to unleash on him when Gibbs spoke up.

“I would not say a word, Ziva. If Tony needs you to fix your files, then you fix them. That’s your job.”

Tony saw her press her lips together as she grabbed a few from the stack and they all went back to work. The rest of the day dragged on in silence. When six o’clock came around, Tony stood, gathered his things and started to leave.

“What are you doing, Tony?” McGee frowned as he watched Tony start to leave for the day.

“If you hadn’t noticed, McOblivious, I now have a son to take care of by myself. I can’t stay to do your work for you or Ziva anymore. Jack is more important right now.  I’m leaving, so the babysitter doesn’t get a hair up her rather generous ass and call child services because I neglected to pick him up.” Tony was close to snapping. The day had been more stressful than any day he had in the past.

“Right, I’m sorry.” Tony just raised a brow and was almost, but not entirely, sorry he had embarrassed the agent. He wasn’t going to apologize as he grabbed his briefcase and backpack and left.

Dinner went about as well as breakfast, but this time Tony got something on the plate for both of them. A little TV, some reading time, then Tony found himself alone, again.

* * *

Morning came, and it was all a repeat from the day before. The days stretched on into each other, but Jessica was coming around a little earlier to help Tony with Jack. It meant more than he could ever truly say. 

The days at work stretched out, Tony knew he had retreated a bit, but not even frat boy DiNozzo felt up for jokes and pranks. He just didn’t feel like it was appropriate. Time stretched on, and he knew something had to give, Tony just didn’t know what or how.

One night after putting Jack to bed, Tony stretched out on the couch and tried to read. When he realized he had read the same page over and over, he set it down. Tony knew he was lost. He was lost in grief and pain, and he didn’t know how to pull out of it. Tony did not want to go to clubs or bars. He didn’t want to find a temporary, no name Dom to help pull him out of the drop he knew he was slowly succumbing to. If it got any worse, Tony would go to the local chapter of his House and ask for help. He was drifting off on the couch, not wanting to go to bed alone again.

Tony woke from his dozing by a knock on his door. Sitting up,  Tony rubbed at his eyes, trying to wake up. He heard the knock again, then stumbled as he made his way over to see who it was. When he opened the door, he could honestly say he was shocked.

“McGee, what are you doing here?” Tim had not come by for a while, and Tony had begun to wonder if they were falling back into old patterns.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come by. I’ve been...well I’ve been taking a class.” Tim’s cheeks pinked as he scuffed his feet on the concrete.

Tony thought for a moment, then stepped aside letting the man inside.

“Do you want a beer?” Tony asked as he moved to the kitchen to grab one for himself.

“Sure, thank you.”

Tony let Tim to the living room, and they sat across from each other. Tony took a sip from his bottle then set it down.

“So, Timmy, what class are you taking?”

Tim picked at the label on the bottle and Tony waited patiently for him.

“Grief counseling. It’s something that I thought about for a while. We see so many people who need help, but I kept putting it off. Then it hit close to home. I knew I made mistakes with you and I’m sorry.”

Tony felt a swell of pride mixed with other emotions. 

“Thank you, McGee. I know I haven’t been the Tony you’re used to.”

“You don’t need to be. You just need to be whatever you are most comfortable being. I know I have not had your back, and when you were out, I got just a small glimpse at what you do and I’ve been an ungrateful ass. I’m also pulling my next book. I don’t feel it’s appropriate.”

“Well, your first book wasn’t either, but it’s out there, and the damage is done.”

“I never meant to hurt anyone by it.”

“I know McGeek, but you did. It doesn’t matter now. I’m just glad you’re here.”

McGee smiled a genuine smile, and Tony felt a little shift. He felt like he was no longer alone. Tony had Jessica, and now he had McGee back. Spencer still came by as much as he could, and even though he still felt so alone, he had people there who genuinely cared. 

“Got any movies?” Tim smiled, and for the first time in weeks, Tony laughed a real laugh. He knew it was going to take time, maybe a lot of time, but somehow he was going to be alright.

* * *

“Ducky, what is this?” Tony asked as he sat down in the booth that Ducky and his assistant, Jimmy were already sitting at.

“You needed out of the office. You were about to make an unfortunate mistake with Ms. David.”

Tony sighed and picked at the napkin that was in front of him. Ducky was right. Tony had been about to go ballistic on the woman when she tried to Dom him in front of everyone. Then she had tried to touch him and Tony was absolutely not going to let her do that. 

“Tony, you know you can talk to us, right?” Jimmy leaned forward on the table, his menu set aside because he already knew what he wanted to order. 

“I know, Palmer. I just don’t understand what she’s after.”

“I would say that Ziva is after you, dear boy.”

“What? No. That is absolutely never, ever going to happen.” Tony felt horrified at the thought. He even shivered a little.

“It would explain some of her actions on cases lately.” Jimmy furrowed his brow before taking a sip of his iced tea.

Tony fell back against the back of the booth. He did not need to be dealing with Ziva David on top of everything else. He just wished that Gibbs trusted him enough to listen to him about Ziva. He still didn’t trust her, and going after her had been the biggest mistake of his life. Especially since he never got one single thank you for it. All he got was her condescension and snotty attitude.

“I should never have gone after her,” he sighed before sipping his coffee.

“Hey, you did what you thought was right, Tony.”

“I wish I could believe that Jim-Jim, but from where I’m sitting, that single decision, ruined my life.” 

“You know you have many people who care about you, Anthony. There is nothing that myself or Mr. Palmer would not do for you.”

Tony’s food was set in front of him, a simple sandwich and fries. He was choked with all the feelings he was feeling. Tony felt the truth in Ducky’s words. He was grateful they weren’t pushing him.

“Say, how’s that girl you’ve been seeing, Palmer?” Tony wanted to defect away from him for a little bit.

“Breena?”

“Yeah.” 

Jimmy’s smile and the blush that crept up on his cheeks told Tony everything. 

“She’s great. We’ve got an open invitation to Hibiscus.”

“Really?” Tony smiled as he pointed his fry at Jimmy. “Take it, Jimmy. I know they have to give you the time off. Especially when a House invites you themselves. It’s quite the honor. Take every single opportunity you can, Jimmy. I know it may sound like a fortune cookie, but it’s true, every little moment you take together means everything.” 

Ducky and Jimmy exchanged a quick look as Tony ducked his head. His stomach was turning and what little food he had eaten felt like a lead weight in his stomach.

“Tony,” Jimmy reached over and wrapped his long, strong fingers around Tony’s wrist, making him look up into eyes that were full of compassion and understanding. “It will get better. I know it’s hard right now, but like Dr. Mallard said, we are here for you.”

Tony wiped at his eyes, pretending like he had something in them. He knew the young Dom meant every word and Tony wondered what he had ever done to deserve such friendship.

“Thank you, Jimmy. I mean it.” Tony pulled his hand away, but something loosened inside of him. he gave his friends a crooked smile then went back to eating.

The rest of the lunch they talked about other things. Tony goaded Ducky into some of his stories, and he knew that Ducky knew what he was doing. They helped anyway, even if everyone there knew many of them were tall tales, it was just what Tony needed to settle before going to back to work.


	3. Part 3

Tony spent his days and nights off searching for any and all clues to find Foyet. The Marshal’s had wanted to take Tony, Jessica, and Jack into protective custody, but he refused. He knew he could take care of Jack better than they could, and he wasn’t one to hide, no matter what. He was aware that it was wearing him down, and he knew he was still on a slow slide into a drop. The emotional toll was hard, but Tony didn’t want anyone’s help. 

He kept anything regarding his investigation shut in his office to keep it away from Jack. His eyes were tired from staring at the computer all night, and he had barely eaten. His stomach growled, and he stumbled into the kitchen looking for food. Pulling some salami, cheese, olives, and some grapes out of the fridge, Tony made up a plate with grilled bread on the side.

Taking the food and some wine into the living room, Tony put on a movie and tried to take his mind off of Aaron, Foyet, even NCIS. Closing his eyes a moment he curled his fingers in his collar and sighed. The worst has been the nights. He was handling the days, he had his work, and if it got to be too much, Tony could go talk to Ducky or Jimmy, the two people at NCIS he still trusted. Opening his eyes, he started to play the movie and nibble at his food.

A few minutes into the movie there was a knock on his door. He stood and went to open it to see Spencer standing there.

“Spencer, come in.”

The young man smiled and followed Tony inside the house.

“How are you, Tony?” Spencer asked as he moved towards the couch.

“I’m coping.” Tony sat next to Spencer and leaned into him. He was trying to keep his anxiety under control, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. When he felt an arm come around him, offering comfort, Tony relaxed even more. He and Spencer had always been affectionate with each other, Tony and Aaron were the few people in his life that he allowed touch from. It wasn’t that Spencer didn’t like the physical contact, but he was very sensitive, and Tony suspected that he was a bit empathic. Spencer was a Dom and touch from other Dom’s made him uncomfortable, and from Subs it made him want to take care of them. So, Spencer chose to be careful who he let in so intimately.

“Tony,” Spencer bussed a kiss on his forehead and pulled the older man closer to him. “Do you need help?” 

Tony took a deep breath as he thought about it. He knew what Spencer was offering and knew it hadn’t been easy for him to offer. There were few people in Tony’s life that he would trust with his Submission, Aaron was the first, Spencer...Spencer was special, and Tony thought that when Spencer found his Sub, that person would be cherished beyond compare. Tony also knew that his friend was struggling as much as he was. There had been a closeness between Aaron and Spencer that bordered on attraction. Aaron never talked about it, but Tony wasn’t stupid. He saw it in the way they interacted with each other, and instead of being jealous, Tony embraced the genius in their lives. He knew if he had ever said the word, Aaron would have been more than happy to bring the young man into their relationship, and Tony wouldn’t have ever objected.

Tony pulled away and looked at Spencer for a good long moment. He could see the pain and the struggle on his face. It was in his microexpressions which Tony was excellent at interpreting. He knew they both needed grounding and comfort. It was with no small amount of love and respect that he had for Spencer that he nodded his head.

Spencer cleared his throat as he studied Tony back.

“We should talk before anything happens.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I ah, I know both you and Aaron trained at Byron. I did as well. I also had a year-long session at Tempest.” Tony lifted a brow and pursed his lips as he considered that information. Tony had been given an invitation to Tempest House when he was younger, his connection to the Paddington’s gave him an automatic in. He didn’t take it, though, it would have cut right through college, and he had a lot staked on his time there.

“I had a chance at Tempest, but I was in college at the time. Didn’t want to break my scholarship.”

Spencer’s face softened as he cupped Tony’s cheek. He stroked softly and made Tony close his eyes and shiver.

“I’ll take care of you Tony, that is if you’ll let me.” 

Tony felt on edge. He knew the small comforts he and Spencer shared had helped, but this would be different. He would be putting his Submission into Spencer’s hands. Biting his lip, Tony nodded yes.

The change in the genius wasn’t Subtle. Tony had seen Spencer in Dom mode during a case that had intersected with NCIS’s. Tim had tried to one-up the genius, and Aaron didn’t hold Spencer back. He had put the probationary agent on his knees. No one on Aaron’s team had expected it, but Tony had noticed that Spencer was no Sub. He didn’t carry himself like one, he didn’t have to show his Dominance, but Spencer earned people’s respect after he did. 

Spencer stood, took off his jacket, vest, and tie. He carefully folded them and laid them to the side. Tony was watching him the whole time, not knowing what to expect.

“Kneel.” Spencer pitched his voice just a bit lower with no small amount of force in his tone. Tony’s stomach flipped a little as he slid to the floor and arranged himself in one of Aaron’s favorite positions.

“I’ll take care of you, Tony. That is if you trust me.” Spencer got down on one knee and held Tony’s face in his hand. “What is easier for you, traffic lights or safe word?”

“Safeword.” Tony thought about it a moment, and he didn’t feel right about using the one he did with Aaron. 

“Key Largo,” Spencer said as he stood once again. “That will be your safe word.” 

Tony almost sagged at that. He needed to have the decisions taken from him, needed to find his feet again. To be a better agent and a better father. He knew Jack was feeding off his anxiety, and Tony realized it wasn’t helping the boy.

“No sex will happen. I don’t think it would be right for either of us right now. But, if you want to continue after tonight, it’s something we can discuss. Does not mean I will leave you unsatisfied.”

“Okay.” Tony shivered just slightly at Spencer’s touch on what little skin he had showing.

“Then stand, and we’ll go to the bedroom. There you will strip to just your underwear, but no shirt, kneel and wait for me.” Tony stood on shaky legs as he made his way to the bedroom excitement running through him. He anticipated that before the night was over, he’d be bound in ropes and falling into that oblivion he so craved.

* * *

Tony stretched out and felt better than he had in the last almost month since losing Aaron. The pain was still there, Tony knew it always would be, but it was almost bearable. Spencer had been perfect. He still felt the ropes that had been expertly tied around him. Spencer knew exactly what he was doing. His knots were different but no less intricate, and the feeling no less intense. Spencer had touched and scratched, petted, and soothed, edged him, and let him cum. Tony had gotten out of his head, and though he had let go and grieved, he knew he needed it. He had kept it all inside after those first few days, and he knew it wasn’t healthy to bury it. 

Tony smiled softly as he felt an arm come around him and pull him close. He almost chuckled at just how much Spencer liked to touch, caress, stroke his skin, knead his muscles, and let those long fingers dance along his body till his very nerves were on fire. None of their friends would believe it. 

“Morning,” Spencer mumbled as he nuzzled Tony’s neck.

“Morning,” Tony sighed as he settled his arm on top of Spencer’s. “Thank you for last night, Spencer. I needed that.”

“Always here for you Tony.”

It helped to know that. Tony was aware intellectually and emotionally Spencer had been there for him. But Spencer sharing his Domination with Tony, stepping in to care for him, they both knew it would have been what Aaron would have wanted.

“Tony,” Spencer pulled away, and Tony felt him shifting on the bed.

“Yes?” 

“I don’t know if you’d be open to the suggestion, but I could be your interim. Just till you felt, you know…”

Tony turned and sat up on the bed next to Spencer. He thought about it. His other option would be to go back to Byron and be in seclusion for a couple of months, but it wasn’t the best choice for him. Tony was a social creature, it’s why he almost refused the Consort mark. He had thought he wouldn't have made it for six months in total seclusion to one Dom. Yet, after Tony and Aaron had taken their relationship to the next level, they both needed grounding. Aaron because he had lost Haley, Tony because he had been trying to live up to Gibbs' expectations. The seclusion had been the best thing for them. Tony shook his head to clear his thoughts, he did not need to go there. His Consort status wasn't widely known, it was special, and at the time, only for him and Aaron.

He looked at Spencer and knew that he loved the younger man, but he wasn’t in love with him. It was more deep friendship, trust, and yes, there was an attraction, but Tony knew that he wasn’t for Spencer permanently. But, here and now, till they were both past the grieving, and the pain of losing Aaron, they could be there for each other.

“Yes, Spencer. I’d like that.” Tony looked around once more and knew that he wanted to sell the house. It was too hard, too painful to stay. “I’m going to sell the house. Look for something different. Maybe a brownstone, or townhouse. Not sure. But, I can’t stay here. It…” Tony felt his eyes fill, but he refused to let the tears fall.

“I understand. I’m here to help, with whatever.”

“Thank you, Spencer.” 

Since it was Saturday, Tony got up to make breakfast. Before that though, he went to his office to check on his searches. Tony had a few pings, but nothing concrete yet. He ran another set of parameters, using much of the information that Aaron himself had compiled over the ten years that he had the Reaper case. Letting those run, Tony locked the room again and made his way to the kitchen. By the time he had the frittata, some ricotta pancakes, sausage, and juice ready, Spencer had taken his shower and joined him in the kitchen. Tony poured him coffee from the stovetop espresso maker, and let the man doctor it himself. 

Jack came in a few minutes later, dragging his blanket and his favorite stuffed toy. It was a Captain America plush, and it made Tony’s heart pang. He had given that to Jack after he called his Dad Captain America once. It was to help remind Jack just how much of a superhero his father was. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as Jack came in and crashed his little body against Spencer’s. 

“Hey Jackers,” Spencer bent down on one knee and picked Jack up in his arms and held him close.

“Uncle ‘Pencer,” Jack sighed as he laid his head against Spencer’s shoulder. “Read me a story?”

“Why don’t we have breakfast, then I’ll read you a story.”

“Okay.” The little boy wiggled like he wanted down, then he ran up to Tony.

“Papa.” Jack wrapped his free arm around Tony. 

“Hey, kiddo. Hungry?”

“Si, Papa.”

“Come on, I’ve got your favorite ricotta pancakes.” Tony smiled and ruffled Jack’s hair. He felt like he was on shifting sand when it came to his son. He was having a hard time helping himself, let alone Jack. Breakfast wasn’t solemn like it had been the last few weeks, but it was quiet. Tony appreciated Spencer’s generally quiet nature. He also liked to hear the genius on one of his rambles. It never bothered him or Aaron. Tony knew the younger man appreciated that.

"Teaching Jack Italian?" 

"Yeah. I had spent a session at Rome House. I was already fluent because of my Uncle Clive. He had made sure that I knew the other half of my heritage well. But, while there they immerse you in the language and culture of Italy. That's where I learned to cook, did some drawing, learned about the Italian music masters, and more."

"That sounds like it was an incredible experience."

"It was. It's very hard to get in. It's one of the few Houses where you have to prove heritage to get in. Wasn't difficult."

Spencer just smiled as he stroked a hand down Tony's arm. They spent the rest of the meal in silence.

After breakfast, dishes were done, and more coffee made, they all spent the day in the living room. Reading, watching TV, and cuddling. Jack had asked if he could watch a DVD that Tony had recorded one day when they had gone to the park where Jack and Aaron were playing catch. The smile on his Dom’s face was enough for Tony’s heart to hitch in his chest. He curled his fingers in his collar, to help ground himself. When Jack crawled in his lap, he wrapped his arms around the boy and held him close.

“I miss Daddy,” Jack took a deep breath and leaned back in Tony’s arms.

“I do too Buddy.” Spencer slipped his arm around Tony’s shoulders and just let the Sub know that he was there. They watched the recording for a while, till Jack was asleep and Tony could put him down for a nap.

Later in the evening they ordered pizza, watched a couple of movies, then went to bed. Spencer stayed again, and Tony thought about asking him to move in temporarily. Just till he was more settled. He knew Spencer would say yes, it made the nights a little more bearable.

* * *

It took him almost three weeks, but he finally got a line on Foyet. Tony took the day off citing a meeting with a counselor for Jack, which was the truth, but the appointment only took less than an hour. He felt like he could trust the woman, she was gentle with Jack. She let him play and draw while Tony talked to her. She had explained it was how she dealt with younger children who didn’t have the skill set to express themselves properly. She would lay out a plan with Tony, and they could adjust it as Jack developed.

After the appointment, Tony left Jack with Jessica and ruminated on how his life had changed when Uncle Clive had made him go to counseling. It made Tony appreciate people like Dr. Evans. He wanted to make sure that Jack would be okay, and the things he knew and had seen in his work pushed him towards making this decision. Tony, of course, deflected when the Dr. suggested that he also go to counseling. She made it a point to tell him that often Subs that had a profound bond with their Doms like Tony had with Aaron often felt loss deeper. He didn’t have the heart to tell her he already knew that, so Tony just said he would think about it. While talking with someone as a child had helped, Tony wanted to do this on his own this time. 

What he wasn’t going to tell her, or anyone was what he was doing during his downtime. Tracking Foyet. He knew Derek and the team were doing the same thing, but they didn’t have the contacts Tony had or the files that Aaron had kept over the years. When he thought about Foyet and his scars he contacted Dr. Brad Pitt. Though the man was his pulmonologist, he still would have the answers Tony needed. 

Tony had deduced that Foyet would be in pain for much of his life from the self-inflicted wounds. Plus the scar tissue that would form over the years with no treatment. Instead of looking for Foyet directly, Tony followed the possible medications he could be taking. He knew, also, from his years of working with Abby and McGee that someone as smart as Foyet might set up alerts. He wouldn’t hit the pharmacies through online means, he was going to do old fashioned police work. 

He had the list of pharmacies that had prescribed the types of drugs that Foyet would most likely be using. He used his knowledge of medicines, the DiNozzo charm, and his newly minted Doctor’s license, to get the records of those people that were prescribed the drugs he was looking for. It took him a few hours, but he had been able to trace the drugs. The name was an anagram, and Tony was always good at puzzles. Foyet wasn’t as clever as he thought it was, and it led him right to the apartment the man was hiding out in.

Calling Jessica, Tony asked her to keep Jack for the night. He explained he had something to do. He grabbed food from a local sandwich shop, then hunkered down and spent what little was left of the day, and the early evening surveilling.

He watched through his binoculars as Foyet moved around his apartment. The man left a couple of times. Once to get food, and on another occasion, he walked to a local mailbox rental place. Tony thought about calling the FBI’s emergency tip line and alerting the BAU, but he couldn’t. Foyet was his, and he wasn’t going to back down and hand the man over to them. Taking his focus off the apartment for just a moment, Tony pulled on a pair of thin leather gloves. He grabbed the small bag he had brought with him and double checked the contents. A gun, unregistered that Tony had ‘obtained’ recently, he took it out of the bag and checked it. He also pulled a knife out of the bag and slid it inside the sleeve of the shirt he was wearing. The leather sheath was enough to keep it in place under his cuff. 

Tony watched and waited. He would know the moment he could enter the building, he just needed to have patience. Tony felt detached, numb even as he continued watching the apartment. A cold feeling settled inside him, and Tony knew he wasn’t going to lose sleep over what he had planned. Tony would never lose sleep over this. He was fully aware that this was revenge and typically Tony didn’t believe in revenge. He believed in justice. Not only was he exacting his revenge, but he was also protecting his family. The longer Foyet was out there in the world, the more that Jack was in danger of the psychopath coming after him.

The night settled around him, and he embraced it. He felt his eyes go flat and cold. He curled a finger in the collar, and it helped to settle his resolve. 

“I’m sorry Aaron. I hope you will forgive me.” Tony didn’t believe in prayer generally, but he sent up a little prayer to his lost Dom. He didn’t believe in God, for if there were a God, Aaron wouldn’t have been taken from him. 

Taking a deep breath, Tony got out of the car, after the light in Foyet’s apartment went out, he ran across the street. He was in luck that there wasn’t a buzzer to be let in, the security really wasn’t that good. Tony was careful though, he didn’t put it past the man to set booby traps. Quietly, and slowly Tony made his way up to Foyet’s apartment, the gun in his glove covered hands. When he got to Foyet's apartment, he thought about how he could approach this. He didn’t want to bust in and ruin the element of surprise. 

Taking his lock picking kit out of his jacket he, as quietly as he could, jimmied the lock and smiled when he heard the little click that told him the door was open. Tony grabbed the doorknob and slowly opened it. He stayed crouched and pressed against the wall, just in case. When the door swung open, and nothing happened, Tony kept down and crept inside. Foyet was lying on his bed with his eyes closed, but Tony wasn’t going to assume the man was asleep. He lifted his weapon and trained the man in his sight. 

“Wake up Foyet,” Tony growled. He wanted to see the man eye to eye. 

“Come now Agent DiNozzo, you know very well I’m not asleep.” Foyet opened his eyes and sat up on the bed. The sneer on his face, Tony wanted to wipe it off. “You know you aren’t going to shoot me, you’re just as much of an honorable man as your Aaron.”

“Don’t you speak his name you cocksucking, impotent, psychopathic, bastard.” Tony held the gun steady and sneered. “You see, people can be pushed. They can break, they can even go against their own code. Believe me Foyet, you aren’t getting out of here alive.”

The man started to laugh, and Tony didn’t even hesitate as he shot twice. Once in the shoulder, and the other in the stomach. He took the short steps it took to get to the man that had killed Aaron. He was groaning, but not yelling, and Tony had a silencer on the muzzle of the gun. So, any noise they made would be chalked up to random sounds. Tony pulled the man off the bed and didn’t even care about the crack his head made as it bounced on the floor.

Straddling Foyet, Tony took out the knife.

“I really, really wanted to take my time with you.” Tony disconnected even more. It felt like he was looking down on himself and what he was doing. “It’s what you deserve.” Tony struck and stabbed Foyet in the heart. He left the knife there and threw the gun down next to him after he wiped it down with the wipes he brought with him. Standing, he checked his shoes for blood. He balanced on one foot and took his shoe off, then did the same with the other. Carefully he tiptoed around the body. He pulled the bag he had brought with him out of his pocket and put the shoes in there. He pulled out a flashlight and checked around the body and didn’t see any of his prints, his thick socks helped to conceal any possible footprints. 

Slipping out of the room, Tony checked all around him and made sure no one came out of their apartments. No one had. He ran out the front, then to his car. Setting the bag down, he drove a few miles away, finding just what he was looking for. An abandoned, homeless camp with the trash barrels still there. He pulled the larger bag he had with him out of the car and changed his clothes, then threw anything that had even the smallest amount of blood on it in the can and set fire to it, including the gloves. After he had made sure everything burned down to ashes, he left. 

He got home rather late, and Spencer was sitting there reading a book. He looked at Tony as he came in and the Sub got the impression that Spencer had an idea what was going on.

“You’ve been gone a long time.” Tony shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the hook by the door.

“Had an errand to run.”

Spencer stood, and Tony came into the living room, the Dom cocked his head to the side and studied Tony a minute.

“Kneel.” Tony’s eyes widened, he hadn’t expected Spencer to Dom him right then and there.

“Spencer…” Tony trailed off at the look in Spencer’s eyes. Tony quickly complied.

“Tell me the truth, Tony.” Spencer sat in a chair he grabbed from the dining table and sat in front of Tony.

“No.”

“Tony, you know I don’t like when people lie to me.”

“Technically I haven’t lied.” Tony wasn’t going to bow his head, or tilt his neck to the side. At this moment, he wasn’t a Sub, he was just Tony.

“What won’t you tell me?”

“Spencer, please don’t ask me because I don’t want you to have to lie.”

Spencer looked at Tony for a long moment then sank down on the floor. He took Tony’s head in his hands and looked right into his eyes.

“Oh Tony, what did you do?”

“The only thing I could do Spencer, what I had to do.”

Spencer closed his eyes and let his head fall against Tony’s. “Did you clean up?” he whispered.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Tony felt the tears fall silently as Spencer sat there with him, holding him. It was several long moments before Spencer was pulling away. 

“I don’t know anything.” Spencer stood and walked towards the bedroom. Tony slowly stood and followed behind. He stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower and for the first time in weeks felt whole.

It didn’t take long for news of Foyet’s murder to trickle down to NCIS. Tony was busy doing paperwork when he heard his name being called by Vance. Tony stood, straightened his suit and went right up the stairs to Vance’s office.

“Sit.” The venom Tony heard in Vance’s voice shocked him. 

“Director. May I ask what is going on?”

Vance looked directly at him, and Tony had the distinct impression that he wanted to make him kneel in front of him to have the conversation he knew was coming. Tony wasn’t going to give in, he always had the right to say no.

After a silent battle of wills, a folder was thrown at him. Tony picked it up and read through it. It was the report on Foyet’s death. He didn’t even flinch.

“No hair, no fibers, no prints. No evidence of who did this, but I can guess.”

“And who do you think it is Director?”

“Don’t, DiNozzo. If there were even one shred of evidence, I’d have your ass in a sling and hand you to the FBI myself. But there isn’t any evidence, no one saw or heard anything, and with no possible suspects, they are closing this as a random killing.”

“What is it you expect of me, Director? I’m not sorry he’s dead.”

They eyed each other again after Vance took the report back.

“Get out of here.” Tony stood and left Vance’s office. He knew others were going to be suspicious, but he was aware that they had no evidence, and without even the smallest scrap of evidence, he couldn’t be charged with anything.

Tony made his way back to his desk and got back to work like nothing had happened. No one asked what Vance wanted him for and Tony liked it just like that.


	4. Part 4

Work had gotten uncomfortable because Tony wasn’t taking anyone’s crap anymore. The latest case had them investigating a Navy wife when her husband went missing. The Captain wasn’t known for disappearing, and everyone said that he was a model officer. Loved his job, and his men loved and respected him.

They were at the crime scene, and Tony was going to take the pictures, but before he started, he handed McGee the sketchpad.

“Start sketching the scene, McGee. Ziva, check the patio and backyard for any evidence. I’ll start on the photographs.” Tony lifted the camera, and before he took the first picture, Ziva got right in his face.

“And why should I take orders from you?” She crossed her arms, and the smirk on her face pissed Tony off.

“Because I said so Probationary Agent David.”

“What is this Tony? Are you trying to be a Dom now? Trying to rise above your station?”

Tony’s expression turned dangerous as he glared at Ziva.

“I am still the SFA, you are only a Probationary Agent. I’m not in the mood for games, and this has nothing to do with my personal dynamic and everything to do with the fact that I am, in this unit, your superior. It’s about time that you and McGee remember that.” Tony stood and held his head high as he continued to glare at the woman.

“Patio and backyard, Ziva, now,” Tony was just tired of her games and just sighed when she rolled her eyes and spun then went and did as he asked.

He turned to look at McGee, and the man didn’t hesitate to do what Tony had asked him to do. He continued to take photos all around the house, then met up with Gibbs who was still in the front room with the wife.

“All done here Boss,” Tony said as he started to put away the camera. Ziva and McGee came back in and put their things away before walking to the van.

“Everything okay, DiNozzo?”

“Everything is fine, why?”

“Because I didn’t hear you talking and joking.”

“Maybe I don’t want to joke around right now. I just want to get on with the investigation.”

Tony grabbed his gear and started towards the van himself and crawled into the driver’s seat, waiting for Gibbs. Once his Boss was in the van, Tony took off, and it was a quiet ride back to the office.

After logging in what little evidence they had found, Tony felt Gibbs watching him. He wanted to close his eyes because he was near snapping at the man for the constant looks he was getting.

When Gibbs stood and started towards the elevator, Tony just knew what was coming next.

“DiNozzo, office.”

Tony threw his pen down and started after Gibbs. When they got in the elevator and Gibbs turned it off, Tony braced himself for whatever was going to come. What he wasn’t expecting was for Gibbs to crowd him in the corner.

“Boss, what are you doing?”

Gibbs' eyes went to the collar and Tony narrowed his eyes at him.

“You’re still wearing it.”

“Yes.”

“Tony,” Gibbs' voice was strange, and it was making Tony very uncomfortable. “Are you okay?”

“Gibbs, I just lost my partner, so no I am not okay. What is this?”

“I’m offering to help you, Tony.”

“Well, I don’t need the help Gibbs, and if I did, I wouldn’t ask you. You’re my boss, and yes my friend also, but that’s where it ends.”

Gibbs watched him, and Tony was becoming a little nervous. He really didn’t want to be there cornered by his boss.

“Tony…”

“No. I have a friend that I’m comfortable with. I wouldn’t feel right with you, Boss.” Tony took a moment to study Gibbs then in an uncharacteristic move on his part he said something that had been on his mind for a while now. “Look, I get it. You feel like you have some kind of weird kinship with me because you lost your wife and daughter. But, if I let you in that way, I couldn’t handle the competition with your dead wife. Not now, not with Aaron being gone. I need someone who doesn’t have your baggage.”

Tony thought for a minute that Gibbs was going to get angry at his words but they just stared at each other and time seemed to drag on, but finally, Gibbs moved away and let Tony go.

The rest of the day was spent in very awkward silences as Tony got on with his part of the investigation. He hardly looked up from his desk and only noticed it was getting dark when a cup of coffee was being placed in front of him.

“You should go home, Tony. Go be with your son. I’ll take care of some of this for you.” Tony looked up to see McGee standing near his desk.

He had a quip on the tip of his tongue, but then he was just too tired. He knew he couldn’t keep going like this, that something was going to have to give. Either he needed to leave NCIS, or move to a different unit. He just didn’t know what to do. But, for now, McGee was right, he needed to go home to Jack.

“Thanks, McHelpful. Just don’t stay too long yourself.” Tony stood and gathered his things together. Spencer was out on a case, and Tony was feeling a little shaken from his encounter with Gibbs. He hadn’t known that the man was still interested in him at all, even though Aaron had warned him of the possibility. Tony chose to not see it, but now that he thought back over the years there were little things. Gibbs had tried to Dom him on several occasions before Tony started the platonic side of the relationship with Aaron. He was uncomfortable with it then, he certainly was more uncomfortable with it now. Tony wasn’t sure what Gibbs’ game was, and frankly, Tony had little energy to expend to find out what kind of game his Boss was playing. If he wanted some sort of relationship, then Gibbs would be waiting a very long time.

Tony pulled into the driveway and turned off the engine, and just stared up at the house he had shared with Aaron for the last three years. He remembered how excited Aaron had gotten about buying the place. They had plans for a small expansion, knocking out a few walls and adding a couple of more rooms. Redoing the kitchen, making it a chef’s kitchen. Pull out drawers with pasta racks, a convection oven on top of a traditional one. The stove top was going to have a large grill in the middle. Room to cook, and even do a little baking. Tony thought of all those things they had planned, and the future they had mapped out. Now, it was a house full of memories and ghosts. Pulling out his phone he called a Real Estate agent to get the ball rolling to sell.

Getting out of the car Tony made his way into the house and saw that Spencer was back from his case.

“That was a quick trip,” Tony put his things down and went to sit next to Spencer on the couch. Jack was on the floor playing with a puzzle.

“The UnSub wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. We were able to wrap it up quickly. Strauss gave us a few days off.”

Tony laid his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and tried to still his mind, but it wasn’t working. Gibbs, the team, work, in general, wasn’t the same anymore. Nothing was the same anymore.

“Tony, what’s going on?” Spencer asked as he touched Tony’s thigh.

Tony was going to just keep it all inside and try to deal with it on his own, but he felt like he was drowning, a stranger in his own life and he didn’t like that. Tony knew he needed to make some changes, but he wasn’t even sure what it was he wanted. He looked at Spencer and knew he needed to get out of his head. They had kept the relationship platonic so far, but Tony needed more. He needed touch. Aaron had been a very tactile Dom. Touch was something that had been vital to the both of them.

Spencer was good in helping to keep Tony stay stable, but he realized he needed more. He just wasn’t sure what the Dom would be comfortable with. Taking a moment to compose himself, Tony told Spencer what happened in the elevator, and how he wasn’t feeling safe.

“Have you thought about leaving NCIS?”

“I just don’t know what it is I would want to do. But I don’t want to think about that right now.”

Spencer raised his brow, and his whole demeanor shifted. That’s what Tony loved about Spencer, he was highly intuitive, and always seemed to know what Tony needed before he voiced those needs.

“Go to the bedroom, strip and I’ll be right there.” It didn’t take long for Tony to get into the right headspace that he needed to be in. By the time Spencer had everything locked down, Jack in bed, and the alarm set, Tony was a bundle of anticipation.

Spencer stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers, which was normal for a play session between them.

Tony was kneeling at the end of the bed, head slightly bowed and to the side. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch. Something must have shown on his face because Spencer stood closer to him than he ever had before.

“What do you need Tony?”

Tony’s breath was shallow as he looked up towards Spencer’s face.

“Touch me? It’s been too long...I know Aaron wouldn’t mind if it were you.” Tony furrowed his brow, hoping he hadn’t pushed the boundaries of their friendship too much. Spencer’s soft smile let him know that he would be taken care of.

“Anything you need Tony.” Spencer bent down as he gently took Tony’s face in his hands, and kissed him. The kiss was gentle at first, then Spencer slowly deepened it as a hand cupped the back of Tony’s neck. After a moment he pulled back and cupped the Subs cheek.

“I will take care of you. Same safeword?”

“Yes.” Tony was sinking into that place in his mind that he had not been able to get to. When Spencer moved away, and walked to the closet and pulled out the ropes and chain, Tony almost let out a whimper, knowing what was coming.

Spencer took his time, starting with turning Tony’s collar around he slipped the double folded rope through the thick, wide ring. He let rope hang down, then threaded it through the short length of chain, but it didn’t pull too hard. The chain was light, it was used only to thread the rope through the links, then tie at Tony’s sides. The complicated knots were both decorative, and secure. As he threaded one section of rope through a link, Spencer slid his fingers along Tony’s skin, calming and reassuring. He made the knot, then kissed the spot on Tony’s back just above. He did this each time a knot was secured. It was slow, methodical, but highly arousing. When he was done, Tony’s arms were immobile against his sides.

Spencer moved to stand in front of Tony again, and he laid the man down on soft pillows that would press just enough on the chain to give Tony that small bit of pain that he enjoyed. Cupping his chin, Spencer looked in Tony’s eyes.

“Tell me how you feel.”

“Safe. I feel so safe.” The slight slurring of words didn’t faze Spencer, not yet. He would watch carefully to make sure Tony didn’t slip too far. Grabbing another set of rope, Spencer tied a complicated Japanese frog knot at Tony’s ankle, then wrapped the rope up Tony’s leg, avoiding the knee area. Spencer pushed Tony’s leg, so it was bent, then he wrapped his thigh in the rope, then connected it to the ropes holding his arms. Again, Spencer took his time, caressing, and kissing the flesh before it disappeared under the ropes. He repeated the same on the other leg, then slid up the bed and kissed Tony on the lips.

“I’m going to take you now, Tony,” Spencer whispered in his ear before pulling back and grabbing the bottle of lube and a condom. After he had moved between Tony’s legs, which were being held wide open by the way that he was secured in the ropes, Spencer let out a moan of appreciation as his eyes roved over Tony’s body. Taking the lube, Spencer squirted a generous amount on his fingers, then slipped one inside Tony’s tight pink hole. He fingered the man just enough to spread the lube, getting Tony ready to take his now throbbing cock. Wetting his lips, Spencer grabbed a condom and ripped open the package and rolled it onto his dick. He had to take a deep breath to try to slow himself down. Using the rest of the lube on his fingers, he applied just enough to make it slick so he could slip inside the quivering man beneath him.

“God, you’re beautiful Tony.” Spencer moaned as he guided his cock to Tony’s hole, then slid in inch by inch, savoring the breach himself as much as he could see that Tony was as well.

“Spencer,” Tony groaned at the feeling of being filled. Closing his eyes, he let himself go that last final bit. He relaxed completely letting his mind take him to that calm, still place. Spencer was moving inside him, and Tony wanted to touch so badly, but that was part of the exquisite torture of being bound. He was denied the ability to touch, but it freed him also. He let sensation take over as Spencer fucked him. Mouth bit and sucked, while hands held him down even more. His cock was leaking, his body shaking, all the sensations were making him come undone. When he felt Spencer still above him, then thrust into him a few more times, he knew the Dom had cum. He was about to beg when a warm mouth wrapped around his aching dick, he needed the release.

“Come for me, Tony.” The demand made his eyes roll back in his head as his hips bucked when Spencer once again took his cock in his mouth. He came inside that willing mouth as he shuddered from the intensity of his orgasm.

There were a few moments of quiet where all Spencer did was touch, and gently kissed along Tony’s stomach and chest. He took as much time releasing Tony from his bindings as he did when he tied them. The tender intimacy, the slide of mouth and hands made Tony shiver. After he was completely released, he slid bonelessly onto the bed, his eyes closing seeking the rest he had not gotten much of since Aaron’s murder. Hands were on him, gently massaging, making sure that the ropes did not rub or pull on skin or muscles. He was prodded to a sitting position where he was given water, his pulse was checked as were his eyes.

A kiss on his forehead, then he was being laid back down. Tony couldn’t fight any of it, he wouldn’t want to even if he could. He felt good, a reprieve from the grief that was his constant companion. Laying down, Tony sighed as Spencer pressed comfortingly at his back. He felt safe and cared for and thanked the Universe for Spencer. Tony knew he was not going to be able to get through this alone, there was no better person than Spencer that Tony could think of that could get him through this. Tony knew he was going to be okay, it was just going to take time.

* * *

Tony was sitting at his desk finishing up correcting some old files and looking through cold cases. It was something to help pass the time in between cases. And, with his help with some of those cases, NCIS was able to close many of them just weeks after Tony had combed through them. He only looked up when he heard some commotion coming from near Ziva’s desk.

“Good afternoon, son. Major General Jack O’Neill and my partner, Dr. Daniel Jackson.” Tony wasn’t fazed on the outside, he was used to Generals and having to deal with them, but on the inside, he was kind of freaking out. Clearing his throat, he stood and extended his hand.

“Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, how can I help you General?”

“I’m here to see you about a classified project. There is an important video conference that will come through your MTAC, but you’ll need to be read in on the mission and sign some documents before you talk to who it is you need to talk to.” Jack’s wry smile had Tony furrowing his brow.

“Jack, don’t scare the man that Sheppard wants.”

“Danny, I’m not scaring him...just imparting the facts.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m Tony’s boss, anything you have to say to him should come through me.” Gibbs stood from his desk, and Jack turned to look at him. The smile on his face usually had even the toughest Marines backing away from him.

“Daniel.”

Daniel tried to keep the smirk off his face, he knew it was an unkind expression, but it was so hard when Jack was in full ‘General’ mode.

“Yes, Sir.” Daniel quirked his brow at his Dom and knew right away the game he was playing.

“Did I ask for a Gunnery Sergeant Leroy Jethro Gibbs to be in on this meeting?”

“No, Jack you didn’t.”

“So, why would he think he’s invited?” Jack was staring, almost expressionless at Gibbs.

“My only guess could be that Agent DiNozzo is a collared Sub and Agent Gibbs believes he has any say over the young man.” Daniel’s crooked smile and raised brows belied the calm tone in his voice.

“Hm, that would constitute someone trying to steamroll over the rights of said Sub, correct?”

Daniel knew what Jack was doing. He was aware that if Gibbs tried anything else, Jack would have the man on his knees in seconds.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you have no right to command anyone in my Unit, General.”

Tony was watching the exchange with both amusement and a little fear.

Jack walked over to Gibbs desk and leaned one hip on the edge, then leaned down just a bit looking at Gibbs.

“I would suggest that you stand down Gunny.” Jack’s tone brokered no arguments and Gibbs closed his mouth but glared. Jack stood, and knew he wasn’t going to have any more issues if he did Gibbs was certainly going to know just how far down the food chain he really was.

“DiNozzo,” Jack held his hand out towards Daniel, who gave him a file, which he then gave to Tony. “Read all of that, then sign where all the little flag thingies are if you agree.”

Tony was very confused by everything that had just transpired, so he just shook his head and got down to the business of reading what the General had given him. Jack had taken the empty chair near Tim’s desk with Daniel sitting on his lap.

Tony looked at them a couple of times and shook his head, he knew what they were doing, and it amused him greatly. After he was finished reading, a grin across his face the whole time, Tony signed where he needed to and waved the folder at the General.

“All signed and ready to be delivered right back to you.” Tony stood, and Jack prodded Daniel up, then he strode over to Tony and took the folder, looked over the paperwork and nodded his head while handing the folder to Daniel.

“Now, we can go make our call. Daniel, watch them.” Jack almost wished he had allowed Daniel to bring the Zat gun by the way Gibbs was glaring at him. “And for god sakes, try to play nice.”

“I’m always nice Jack. It’s you that I always have to watch out for.”

“I didn’t get where I am by being nice.”

“And that’s what I love about you.”

Jack’s face softened before turning and heading towards the stairs.

“Well come on DiNozzo, we haven’t got all day.” Tony stood and loped after the General. The two made their way up to MTAC quickly.

The tech that was there manning the communications board looked up to see Tony and Jack coming in.

“A video call should be coming in any second now, once the link is established, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, young man.”

“Yes, Sir.” The tech nodded as he turned back to his console. Once the signal came in, he established a connection, gave some short instruction then left, closing the door behind him.

“Jack.” Tony looked at the screen and saw the last person he expected to ever see again. “And Tony, it’s good to see you again.”

“Sheppard, it’s been what, three, four years?”

“Three, how are you?”

“Good, what’s all this about?”

“Before I get to that let me introduce Dr. Elizabeth Weir.”

“Hello General, Agent DiNozzo.”

“So, this is about this super secret project that I’ve heard rumors about for years now, right?”

“You’re right Tony. It is, and I want you with us.” John smiled as he leaned back in a chair with his hands behind his head.

“Why me? I’m not military.”

“That’s precisely why I do want you. Look, Tony, you have one of the best investigative minds I've ever seen. We need help out here. We need someone who can help us read a situation better than we have been. Someone who can train some of us to learn what to look for. And, you have a Doctorate in Sports Medicine. Even though we have a lot of advanced technology, there are those who are wary using it on themselves. We could use someone versed in physical therapy.”

“I don’t know, John I have a son to think about.”

“Bring him.”

“John!” Elizabeth admonished as she looked towards Tony. “It’s a very dangerous environment.”

“And we have a lot of children on the City at any one time.” John looked back at Tony and Tony felt like he was being studied. “You have a Dom, Tony?”

Pain churned inside him as he balled his hands into fists trying to keep himself from saying anything stupid to the Major.

“I did. I lost him recently.” Tony gritted his teeth fighting the emotions.

“Oh damn, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. We’ve only been back on Earth a few days. Look, why don’t you come to the Mountain and we can talk more. Bring your Son, I’m pretty confident I can persuade you into joining us.” John put his legs on the desk and crossed his ankles.

“And you Dr. Weir?”

“I actually, reluctantly, agree with John. We need help, and your record is impressive. I think if we had someone like you initially, our mission would have been a little easier. Let's just say that many of our first contacts have not gone well. We have made some headway and have some new allies, but we could have handled things better from the beginning.”

Tony studied the two people up on the screens, then the General next to him. A part of him wanted to go, he knew the possible dangers, but it really wasn’t worse than anything he had dealt with on a daily basis. This was an opportunity for a fresh start, to be around people who didn’t know him or keep looking at him with sympathy. There was one thing he wanted though.

“I’ll come to the Mountain, on one condition.”

John narrowed his eyes as he sat up in the chair.

“What do you want?”

“You let me bring Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“And why do we want Dr. Reid?” There was something in John’s voice that gave Tony a momentary pause. He wasn’t going to ask at this moment, but he might ask later when they met in person.”

“Because as good as I am at reading a scene, he’s even better. He’s brilliant. Has degrees in Math, Science and Engineering, and a fuckton of other shit I don’t even know. He thinks outside the box, and I think you’ll want him.”

John and Elizabeth looked at each other and Elizabeth just shrugged her shoulder. John lifted a brow and contemplated.

“Okay, we’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you, John. When do you want to see me?”

“As soon as the General can get your ass out here. We don’t have long before we have to get back to the City, which I know you are going to love.”

“Thank you, Dr. Weir, Major. I’ll see you both in a few days.”

The two people signed off, and Jack looked back at Tony.

“I’m going to assume you already made up your mind.”

Tony just smiled as he walked towards the door. “I’ll have my resignation handed into Vance by the end of the day.” Even though Tony wasn’t altogether sure what he just agreed to, he knew anything had to be better than what was happening in his own job. Things had gotten close to hostile, and Tony wasn’t even sure what that was about. How him being a widower was causing problems was beyond him. Seemed it was only okay for Gibbs to grieve his loss, but Tony had to just ‘get over it.' The double standard wasn’t fair, and he could no longer live the way he was.

As they headed back down with the General in the lead, Tony almost choked on a breath at the scene before him. They had not been gone that long for Ziva to be on her knees with Daniel standing over her arms crossed over his chest.

“Daniel,” The General dragged out his Sub’s name as he got closer to the scene.

“Jack.”

“What exactly happened?”

“Probationary Agent David thought she could put her hands on me. She tried to Dom me. All I did was subdue her and made her wait on her knees for you.”

“Your agent tried to put her hands on not only a collared Sub, but my collared Sub, and husband?” Jack had glared at Gibbs before he looked down at the woman on the floor. “Get up.” Jack waved his hand to motion the woman to stand. The look in her eyes was the same look she had when she was told Michael had been killed, murderous.

Tony sat down at his desk and decided to work on his resignation, no matter what happened soon, even if he decided not to become involved in the mission Sheppard wanted him for, he was still leaving. He just didn’t feel safe anymore.

“Agent David, do you know the penalty for touching a collared Sub against their will? Especially one that, if he weren’t a civilian, technically outranks you?”

Ziva swallowed hard as she looked around at Gibbs, then Tim. Both were staring at their desks trying not to make any waves.

“Gibbs?” Ziva pleaded with her boss.

“I told you to stand down Ziva.”

“It’s considered sexual assault to touch a collared Sub without their permission. I could have you in a brig so fast your pretty head would spin.” Jack crossed his arms and tilted his head slightly to the side as he stared at her. “Daniel, it’s your choice. What do you want to do?”

“I’ve been reading her full unredacted file. Technically this woman is a traitor. She has been passing secrets first to a boyfriend that was involved in illegal operations on US soil, next her father is Eli David.”

“Really.”

“Yup. You know, he’s been trying to get his hands on information about the Mountain for years. So far no success. We’ve circumvented him every time he gets close. I don’t trust him, and neither does Sam.”

“An instrument in your father’s game then, Agent David?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Ziva lifted her chin in defiance as she glared at the General. Tony had been watching while he stayed quiet. Whatever happened to her, he was going to let Ziva hang herself. He wasn’t going to contribute anything unless they asked.

“Oh, I think ‘ya do. I believe that you were put here for a reason. I also think this would be a good time to talk to the DOJ about your little game. I wonder how many other male Subs you’ve tried something with? Maybe we should find out.”

“Look I am sorry for whatever offense I have done towards your husband…”

“David, I’d shut up if I were you,” Gibbs growled his displeasure at her.

“We’ll be in touch.” Jack motioned for Daniel to follow him, this wasn’t over. He had a very uneasy feeling about Ziva David, and he was going to pursue it till he got answers. Whatever they were. He said his goodbyes to Tony, then left.

Tony had stayed silent the whole time he had been sitting there. Trying not to smirk he grabbed the printout of his resignation, went up to Vance’s office and laid it on his desk. The man didn’t even try to talk him out of it as he walked out of the office. Grabbing a box, he threw his things in it, ignored the questions coming at him from Tim and Gibbs. Choosing not to answer them as he finished packing up, his desk now empty of everything that was important to him. He could care less what happened to the rest, except for Gibbs’ medals. 

“Hey, Timmy,” Tony opened the drawer where the medals were carefully piled in, then looked up at his probie. “These are now your responsibility. Take care of them. As much as he complains that he doesn’t want them, well you know they are important.” Tony stood and placed the most important medal on Tim’s desk. “Take extra care of that.” He didn’t wait for Tim’s reaction, he simply turned to Gibbs, and with a smile on his face, he uttered two simple words.

“I quit.” Tony grabbed his box and with nothing further to say left NCIS for the final time.

* * *

Tony had the house all packed. It had taken a couple of weeks. Going through and getting rid of some things, packing others for long-term storage, and tagging items that a local furniture reseller had come by and given him a good price on. The antiques he was storing, but all of the other furniture could go.

The house had already been sold. It didn’t take long when he had decided to put it up for sale. It was in a prime location, close to schools and parks, not far from the major highway and between DC and Arlington. Because the house was in such an excellent location, Tony got a good sum for it. Some of the money he had put into his personal account, which he put into a trust that David Rossi would look after, the rest went into the account for Jack. That had been started between Aaron and Tony just a little after they started their relationship. Tony had also added the personal insurance money as well as the Bureau insurance and any monies that came from Aaron’s retirement account to this account. Rossi’s name was on it as the primary trustee, with his cousin Edward secondary if anything happened to David.

When the last of the items to be stored was put into the pod, Jack with his little suitcases of the things he just ‘had’ to have, Tony’s heart broke. He second guessed himself yet again, but he knew they both needed this move, even if it was to a galaxy millions of light years away.

Tony turned to lock-up the house when a car came up the drive. Tony recognized it immediately. He sighed and wondered what kind of trouble one Abigail Sciuto was going to cause. He waited patiently on the bottom of the steps as the woman got out of the car and stormed up to the front. Out of the corner of his eye, Tony saw that Spencer was standing near, just in case.

“What the hell is all this, DiNozzo?” Abby crossed her arms and glared at Tony.

“I’m not sure what you mean, Abby?”

“Gibbs said you quit and that you took a job even he doesn’t have access to. Gibbs knows everything Tony, so whatever it is you need to tell me, now.”

Tony stared at the woman in shock. Jack had wrapped his arms around Tony’s leg, his little body trembled slightly.

“Abby, keep your voice down. You are scaring my son. As to Gibbs, I hate to burst that bubble you have him in, but no Gibbs does not know everything, and he certainly does not have the clearance for this. Now, I have some things to take care of.”

“Who is that?” Abby glared at Spencer.

“Dr. Spencer Reid, meet NCIS Lab Tech, Abigail Sciuto. I thought we were friends, but now I’m reconsidering our relationship with this little outburst.”

Spencer just nodded his head towards the woman. Tony knew he didn’t want to get in the middle of this conversation. 

“I’m just going to wait in the car, Tony.”

Tony just watched as Spencer walked to the car and got in. Only then did he turn his attention back to Abby.

“What is he doing with you, Tony?” Abby was glaring at him and he almost snorted at how she looked more like a pissed off kitten than the badass she was trying to be.

“Abby, that is none of your business. Now, I don’t understand what you are doing here, but I need to ask you to leave.”

“I came to talk you back home, Tony. You know Gibbs would take care of you. He’s perfect for you and you know you love us, Tony. Why can’t you just come home?”

“Abby, this,” Tony looked back at the house that now no longer his. “Was my home. NCIS was my job. I’ve come to terms with the fact that none of you really knew me at all. And me and Gibbs? Just co-workers, Abbs. There is never going to be anything between the two of us.”

“But, Tony, he needs you…”

“Stop right there Abbs. Gibbs needs  _ me? _ Are you fucking kidding me? Leave, now. And think on what it is you just said. I’m sorry if it’s hurt your little world view on what you think we all may have had together, but, Abby, it was never there. Now, I have things I need to do. I’ve already said my goodbyes.” Tony glared back at Abby, who looked like she was going to say something more, but Tony held up his hand. She huffed, then stomped back to her hearse and got in. Tony just waited till she was driving away before he let out the breath he had been holding. He turned his head and looked down at Jack who was frowning, and Tony knew he was upset.

“Hey little man, ready?”

“Yes, Papa.” Tony picked up the boy and sighed.

“I know, kiddo. This wasn’t what either of us wanted. If I could turn time around, I would, but we are strong. It’s just you and me Figlio against the whole wide universe now.”

“Like Frodo and the ring?”

“Yeah, Buddy, just like Frodo and the ring.” Tony chuckled and brushed a kiss on Jack’s cheek then walked out the door. He bundled Jack into his car seat, with Spencer sitting in the front, Tony ran in and grabbed the luggage. Next, they were going to Spencer’s apartment, so he could pack for the trip to Colorado. Tony and Jack were going to stay with him for the week before they had to leave.

“Spencer, you really don’t mind watching Jack till I get back?”

“Tony, I already told you that it's okay. I’ll put on movies, order pizza and we’ll have a lot of fun. JJ is bringing Henry by, and the boys will build a pillow fort in the living room. When you get back, they will probably be asleep. I know you need to do this, I’m here to help in any way that I can.”

Tony nodded his thanks as he stopped at Spencer’s and helped Jack with his bag. They got him settled in Spencer’s place, then Tony would bring his things up when he got back.

Driving to Gibbs’ house took a little longer than normal, there was heavy traffic with it being a Friday. He had stopped halfway there and picked up some steaks, potatoes, vegetable and some beer. He knew they needed to talk. He didn’t want to leave Earth with so much between them.

He stopped the car in front of Gibbs’ house and saw the car parked there. It hadn’t even occurred to him to call first. He knew the man too well. Grabbing the groceries, he walked in, put everything except the steaks in the fridge. He took out a plate and placed the steaks on it, then some seasoned them and let them sit to come up to room temperature. They always grilled better that way.

After he had finished, he made his way to the basement.

“Thought you quit.” Gibbs barely turned his head as he watched Tony come down the stairs.

“I did. Wanted to come by and see if we are okay. Brought some steaks, thought maybe, you know we could talk.”

“Don’t see as we have anything to discuss. You made your decision.” Gibbs threw the tool in his hand on his workbench and leaned into the corner, arms crossed glaring at Tony.

“I think there’s a lot we should talk about. You’re angry at me.”

“Okay, yeah I am. What the hell is this? Some General waltzes in and you just fall at his feet, and suddenly you quit?”

“Well, for one I did not fall at anyone’s feet. And you had to have seen this coming, Boss.”

“No, DiNozzo I didn’t. I thought we were a team.”

“Really?” Tony laughed, but it was a bitter hard laugh, “Because we have not been a team since you got back from Mexico. Whatever happened to you when your brains got scrambled, you forgot all about us, you forgot about me. You wallowed in your grief, and before you even try to say that I don’t understand, you damn well should know that I do.” Tony crossed his arms and glared at Gibbs.

Gibbs visibly swallowed as he turned around and gripped the counter with his head down.

“You’re right. You should know how I feel.”

Tony rolled his neck trying to relieve some of the tension that had formed there.

“You have to let her go, Gibbs. You have to move on. I know it hurts, believe me, I know. I just packed up my whole damn life, and it near killed me. The only thing that held me together was Jack and what it would do to him if I gave up, but fuck if there aren’t days that I want to just crawl under the covers and just…” Tony pressed his lips together and forced back the tears in his eyes.

“Die?” Gibbs whispered as he let his head fall against the cabinet above his workbench.

“Yeah.” Tony turned away hating himself for admitting his biggest weakness. He didn’t even hear when Gibbs moved and before he could protest he was engulfed in his friend’s arms.

“Don’t. I don’t ever want to hear you say you want to give up like that. You have too much to live for, Tony.”

“Some days it doesn’t feel like it.” Tony buried his head against Gibbs' neck and fought the emotions that wanted to spill out.

A hand gripped the back of his neck in a reassuring hold.

“It will get better.”

Tony nodded, then Gibbs was letting him go.

“What did you bring to eat?” And just like that, they fell back on an even keel. Tony just shook his head and wondered at their completely fucked up relationship.

“Steaks. They should be ready for the grill.”

“I’ll get the grill ready. Bring beer?”

“Of course. Don’t want to endure that rock gut you like to drink. I have a son to get home to later.”

“Yes, you do, Tone. Don’t take that for granted.” Gibbs worked his jaw as Tony just nodded as he followed Gibbs up the stairs, knowing they still had things to talk about, but also knowing that Gibbs was open to talking. He was glad he came, he would have felt guilty for leaving without saying his goodbyes.


	5. Part 5

 

When Tony and Spencer landed in Denver, an SUV was waiting for them. Tony picked Jack up and carried him while Spencer grabbed their luggage. The trip was long, and they were both tired, Jack especially. The driver was a Marine Lieutenant, and that made Tony wonder even more. He was under the impression that Cheyenne Mountain was under the auspice of the Air Force.

There were so many questions he had, but he would wait till he could sit down with John and Dr. Weir. Spencer was intrigued by the whole thing even though he didn’t know what the thing was, and couldn’t be told till he also signed the confidentiality papers so he could be read in on the Atlantis Mission.

“You still can’t tell me what this is all about, Tony?”

“No. Not till we get there and you sign this big ass mountain of paper.”

“Papa, io home fame,” Jack pouted a bit, and Tony knew he was just tired. He hoped they could get food because he was hungry as well. It had been several hours since any of them had eaten.

“We’ll see about getting something to eat when we get there, okay kiddo?”

Jack nodded his head as he laid against Tony. The trip to the mountain took a while, and Tony had closed his eyes just for a moment to try to relax. Tony was glad he wasn’t driving, he didn’t think he had it in him at the moment. When he was nudged awake, Tony saw that they had finally made it to their destination.

“Damn. I was asleep.”

Spencer snorted and started to ramble on about the Mountain, it’s known military uses and the different conspiracy theories surrounding it. Tony let him talk as they parked, were checked in and escorted to the central area. He put Jack down and took his hand, telling him to stay close.

They were shown to a conference room where they were told to wait. Tony pulled some small snacks out of the backpack he had with him and gave Jack something till they could get a more Substantial meal.

Tony wasn’t paying attention to the door because he was trying to settle the boy down. The Marine that had shown them to the conference room had come back with a plate of cheese, crackers, and fruit for Jack. Tony smiled at him and thanked him. The Marine just smiled back, then left. As he was helping Jack with his snack, the door to the conference room opened.

“John?!” Tony heard Spencer as his friend jumped out of his chair. Tony looked up to see the two men hugging. Then the General walking into the room.

“Someone mind telling me what’s going on?”

“General, this is my little brother Spencer.”

“What?” Tony felt like he was a few steps behind what was happening. “Um, Spencer, what’s he talking about?”

“Half-brother. Same father.” Spencer blushed as John had him sitting down next to him. “We sort of had a big family fight, then John and Alec went into the military, I joined the FBI, and I sort of lost touch.”

“Dad’s here and so is David. They are staying in town. When Tony asked if you could come, I knew I needed to see you. God, I’ve missed you.”

“Spencer, who is your father?” Tony had a sinking feeling he knew. He just wasn’t sure if he wanted his suspicions confirmed.

“Patrick Sheppard. William Reid is my Stepfather.”

“Oh, we are so talking about this later when not in front of little ears.”

“First we need you to look over this paperwork and sign where indicated.”  Tony watched with amusement when Spencer read through and signed everything in just a few minutes.

“Um, son you need to read everything.”

“He did,” Tony and John said at the same time. Spencer blushed really red as he pushed the paperwork back to the General.

“Look, General, do we have to have this meeting tonight? My son is hungry and tired. I know I need to eat and to settle.”

“Of course. We have a pretty decent mess, or I can release Colonel Sheppard, and he can take you into town. We have a room set-up for you. You indicated on your release form that Dr. Reid is acting as your interim Dom?”

“Yes. Before we came, Dr. Reid added his house token on my collar.”

“We’ll have your bags taken to the room and tomorrow we’ll talk. Get settled tonight and take care of your son.” The General left, leaving John with Tony and Spencer.

“Something going on between you two?” John watched as Tony stood to stretch out his back. The look John was giving him was unmistakable, but he wasn’t anywhere near ready for what that look was promising.

“I trust Spencer. He’s the only thing that kept me together after Aaron was killed.”

“Sheppard, you ready to go to dinner or what?” Another man came into the room. Tony saw Spencer’s eyes widen.

“Dr. McKay. What are you doing here?”

 “I should be asking you the same thing, Dr. Reid. Last I heard you were wasting that mind of yours away with the FBI. You should be doing something rather amazing, not something so mundane.”

“Rodney!” John admonished.

“What? Just because I know my own worth doesn’t mean I don’t recognize it in another person. When I met you, Spencer I did not think you were going to bury your intellect in law enforcement. I assumed you were going to actually make something of yourself.”

“I think making it to Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI’s elite BAU is pretty significant. Not many people get the chance to be in the unit. I’ve done very well. Besides, I’ve published many papers inside academia as well as through the FBI. I’m doing very well for myself Dr. McKay. Especially the patents I have with Sheppard Industries.”

“What is he talking about?”

“Come on McKay, let’s go to dinner and you can berate the lowly serfs of your imagined kingdom.” Tony burst out laughing, not being to hold back.

“And who are you?”

“Well, technically, Dr. Anthony DiNozzo, Jr.”

“What are you a Doctor of?” McKay frowned as John gently pushed him out of the room.

“Sports Medicine, Criminal Justice, and Crime Scene Analysis.”

“So not a total idiot.”

Tony chuckled and knew that he was going to get on rather well with Dr. McKay. He appreciated the man’s attitude and refreshing honesty, even if it was rather acerbic.

“I certainly hope not.”

The four men and little boy made their way back to the garage where John signed out a vehicle and took them to a pub not far from the base. They sat in the restaurant part so that Jack could sit with them.

“I take it you can’t talk about what this is all about here, can you?”

“Nope. But Dad and David have been read in because they have projects through S.I. I know you’re curious kid, but you have to wait a little longer.”

“Alright. But, you will tell me everything?”

“Better yet, you get to read all of the mission reports.”

A waitress came up and took their orders, dropping off waters for them and a basket of bread before leaving.

“So, do you two have a contract?” John eyed Tony’s collar, then his eyes traveled down. The interest in his eyes made Tony shiver just a little, though he wasn’t sure if he would ever be for what that look promised.

“No, nothing so formal, but I don't trust many people. I do trust Spencer, and Jack loves him, so it was an easy thing to let him in. Why you interested Sheppard?” Tony smiled as he picked a piece of bread and buttered it for Jack to snack on while they waited for their dinner.

“I might be. But, wouldn’t want to intrude on anything if Spencer wanted more.”

“This is a little awkward, you know. My brother should not be flirting with Tony in front of me.” Spencer teased as he too snacked on the bread on the table.

“All you Sheppard’s can’t help it. This one doesn’t even try, and he just sounds like he’s flirting.”

“Oh, McKay, you’re just jealous. You wish you had half my charm.” John grinned as he teased his friend. The friendly banter set Tony more at ease with the two men. He had to admit that there was a part of him that was attracted to one Major John Sheppard, but he was still healing from Aaron’s loss. He didn’t know if he could put himself out there yet. He didn’t know if he could ever put himself out there again.

“Hey, you alright Tony?” Spencer leaned in and whispered in Tony’s ear while gripping his thigh in a reassuring hold. Tony took a deep breath and nodded.

Spencer pulled back but kept his hand where it was, not letting go till he knew Tony was going to be okay.

Talk turned to sports between Tony and John, while McKay and Spencer talked science. Dinner was served, and Tony cut up Jack’s chicken and made sure everything on the plate was easy for the boy to eat. The ease with which he was able to keep the conversation going was refreshing for Tony. So many times in the recent past even simple conversations with his supposed ‘friends’ had been laborious and stilted. The more time he was away from NCIS, the more he recognized the unhealthy environment it had become. Tony was looking forward to this new adventure, even with John’s interest in him, and the possible dangers that he was walking into. He needed to get away from everything and everyone that just kept hurting him. A fresh start, even if it meant Tony was galaxies away, would be good for both him and Jack. He just hoped he was making the right decisions for them both.

After dinner, Tony was getting tired, but Jack was practically dozing in his lap.

“I think it’s time I got this little guy into bed. It’s been a very long day.” Tony stood and picked Jack up in his arms, he followed after the others, then piled back in the car. By the time they were back in the Mountain and Tony was getting ready for bed, the day had hit him hard.

“Lie on your stomach,” Spencer said as he moved towards the bed, already in a pair of sweats and t-shirt.

 “Okay, Doc, but I don’t think I have any energy for whatever filthy thing you have on your mind.” Tony teased as he laid down on his stomach. He had not even put on a t-shirt as of yet.

“Oh, I have a lot of very filthy things on my mind. One’s that would make my team blush and not believe they were my thoughts. But, I have something different in mind. Now, take a deep breath and relax.” Tony did as Spencer told him, then he felt strong hands on his back, gliding up to his shoulders. Thumbs pressed deep into his shoulder blades, slowly trying to work out the knots that had formed there. Tony started to relax by degrees as Spencer worked on his back, then moved down and started in on his hips, lower back and buttocks. Tony was practically melting into the mattress at the massage he was getting from the Dom.

“Turn over.” Spencer moved away from Tony after he had worked on the muscles in his legs. Tony turned, then Spencer worked on his front.

“Where in all God’s creation did you learn massage, and why have you been holding out on me?”

Spencer chuckled as Tony moaned in pleasure.

“I did two sessions at Hibiscus. In all honesty, I think it’s one of the most difficult houses to master. The Dom and Sub dynamic is more Subtle than the other houses. It’s all about mental, physical, and emotional health. I like tying people up too much, and the occasional flogging.” Tony looked up and saw a soft smile on the Dom’s face.

“I’ve heard it’s also one of the more difficult houses to get accepted to.”

“They have rigorous testing. The House Masters want to know that their training isn’t going to be used against a Sub or a Dom, and it would be easy to do. The herbal training alone as well as the Ayurvedic arts can all be utilized in a harmful way. They weed out those that want to learn for the wrong reasons. It’s very calming, bordering on Shamanistic.”

“Well, whatever they have going, I’m glad you went.”

Spencer straddled Tony’s’ waist and started to work on his stomach and chest. By the time Spencer was done, Tony was near falling asleep. Grabbing the cuffs from their kit, Spencer slipped them on Tony’s wrists knowing it helped to keep him grounded at night. They had a safety release in case he needed to get out of them quickly. But, the nightmares were less and less the more he wore them.

* * *

Tony woke to Spencer wrapped around him, and he wondered how much longer they could be each other’s comfort. It had only been a few weeks, and Tony wasn’t rushing through his grief, but he wanted to start standing on his own. He wasn’t used to relying on people, Aaron had been one of the few Tony had let in that close. He stretched and turned on his back, Spencer adjusted, and Tony couldn’t help softly chuckling. No one would believe just how tactile the younger man was. Those close to him misinterpreted not wanting to handshake to mean that he didn’t like touch or to be touched.

“Morning,” Spencer mumbled as he lifted up on one arm and looked down at Tony.

“Morning. Spencer,” Tony started as he shifted up on the bed after Spencer took the cuffs off of him. “You know that if I do this, if I go with Sheppard, we would no longer be doing...this.”

“I know. I have no idea what’s going on yet and until I know everything we can’t really talk about this, can we?”

Tony flashed one of his brilliant smiles, “No, you’re right. Until you know what is going on, we can’t really talk about us. I’m going to go check on Jack, then get a shower in. O’Neill said breakfast was served till 0800. Then they want to see both of us around 0930.” Tony stood and did another stretch. The mark on his back was on full display, and Spencer had not seen full till then.

“You,” Spencer now understood just how deep the relationship between Aaron and Tony was.

“What?” Tony looked over his shoulder at Spencer who was staring at the mark on his back.

“You’re a Consort.”

“You didn’t know? All these weeks?”

“Well, I wasn’t paying close attention. I mean I saw the tattoo, but I didn’t realize until now what it actually was.”

Tony turned to look in the small closet where his clothes had been hung.

“Aaron was my Master and Dom in every single way. He had earned his master’s mark when we had met at the meet and greet. Byron offered him the chance for a Consort. I accepted.” Tony’s heart constricted hard in his chest as he reached for a pair of boxers. The mark was a permanent reminder of what he was to the person he had lost.

“I’m sorry, Tony. Why have you never said anything?”

“The time training, it’s very intense. You’re broken down in a way that exposes you fully, then built back, stronger, knowing yourself better than you ever had before. When it ended, and Aaron offered me his collar, I wanted nothing more. I loved him for everything he was Spencer.”

Spencer didn’t know what to say as he stood and wrapped Tony up in his arms. He understood a little more about the depth of Tony’s grief. Spencer had heard about how some Consorts had even gone into seclusion with the loss of their Dom. He was glad Tony had not done that, but it made him feel the loss of his friend and mentor even more.

“It’s okay, Spencer. I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will. Only someone as stubborn and strong as you could catch Aaron’s eye.” Spencer kissed his cheek then went to take his own shower.

Tony was shaken a little. He had never talked about how he and Aaron had actually met, and the six months they spent in seclusion through Tony’s Consort training. It was very personal to the both of them. Shaking himself out of the memories, he dressed, then went to the adjoining room to check on Jack.

The boy was sitting up in bed with one of his books in his hand.

“Hey buddy, what are you reading?”

Jack showed him, and Tony smiled softly. It was one of the Clifford books that JJ had given Jack recently.

“Do you want to finish reading it to me?” Tony crawled up on the bed and pulled his son onto his lap. Jack snuggled back and started to read about the adventures of Clifford, The Big Red Dog. He spoke in a quiet, clear voice and Tony let him try to sound out the words himself before he helped where he needed to. After Jack had finished, Tony turned the boy around so they could be face to face.

“That was so good Jack. Your Dad would be so proud of you, Figlio. Are you hungry?”

“Si, Papa.”

“Come on, let’s get you dressed and you can wait with Spencer while I get ready, okay? Today is going to be a long day with lots of boring meetings, but Dr. Jackson said he had something fun he could show you, would you like that?”

“Okay, Papa. Posso leggere con, Spencer?”

“Si, Figlio. Penso che gli piacarra.” Tony helped Jack into his jeans and a t-shirt. He wasn’t too sure what Daniel had in mind, but he knew the man would be careful with his son. If Daniel could keep him occupied for the time it took to have his meetings, he would be infinitely grateful to the man.

"Hanno pancakes, Papa?" Jack bounced into the other room with Tony following. He wondered if Jack was using the Italian to keep himself safe emotionally. Spencer and Tony could both speak it, but few others could. It had kept Jack separate from those around him. Tony would let it play out for now, but eventually, he knew Jack would have to deal with his emotions and start to trust people again.

"Non lo so, Figlio, dovremo vedere." Tony ruffled Jack's hair as the boy ran into the room where Spencer was waiting.

"He's still using the Italian. Just, go with it, for now, Spencer. I'll deal with it once we settle where we are going."

"Alright, Tony." Spencer held Jack on his lap and cuddled him close. Tony knew Jack was safe which let him go ahead and get ready for the day.

After showering and getting dressed, the three of them walked through the halls of the mountain and found the Mess with relative ease. He got Jack some eggs and was pleased to see they indeed had pancakes, Spencer served himself a plate, then Tony got his own food. As they looked around for a table, Tony spotted John and Rodney in a heated, but a friendly argument.

“I’m just saying, McKay, that you need more people to help you do your job.”

“I’ve got enough idiots around me making my job harder not easier, Sheppard.”

“So, you don’t want another genius scientist to come with us? That is if he can be talked into coming.” John smiled as he looked towards Spencer.

“Well, Spencer isn’t a total idiot so if he does decide to come, I will learn to live with it.” McKay swung his gaze over to Spencer and waved his fork at him. “Just don’t make me regret it.”

“I don’t even know what it is yet. And, I would probably need a few assurances and to make sure certain things are in order before making whatever crazy decision you guys want me to make.”

John kept a steady gaze on his brother knowing some of the things he was talking about.

“Hey, after you learn everything I know you are going to want to come, and before you protest, you can still send them. We have open communication now, and it won’t be difficult at all. With the Daedalus up and running and the Prometheus almost done, regular visits will happen as well.”

“You’re sure?”

“Kid, I’m very sure.” John watched Tony, who was directly in front of him, with his son and smiled. “You’re good with him.”

“I wasn’t at first. When Aaron put him in my arms the first time, I thought I was going to have an aneurysm. He was all of one year old and so active. But, he was patient with me, so was Jack.” Tony rubbed a hand down Jack’s back then let the boy finish eating.

“I thought about kids once. Too much has happened the last year that I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m reading those mission reports you promised.” Spencer glared at his brother, and Tony almost lost it. The look was an excellent imitation of Aaron’s glare. He wondered if all the years in the BAU had made Spencer pick up on it.

“You still look like a kitten.” John teased.

“You really want to get into a prank war, John? Remember the last one? Dad threw the both of us out of Sheppard Industries.”

“Yeah, but it was so worth it.” John laughed, and something tight in Tony’s stomach had loosened. He was finding himself more and more attracted to the man, and it was seriously messing with his head.

“Well, until you ‘accidentally’ solved Dave’s problem with the intake valve on those drones he was developing. He was so mad at the both of us for weeks.”

“He should have been able to solve it himself. He was just an idiot.” John waved a piece of bacon at Spencer, who with quick reflexes, stole it from him. Tony just let the banter with the three of them wash over him. He was learning the dynamic between Spencer and John. The brother’s obvious affection for each other shone through, but there was still an underlying tension. Something about a family fight, Tony recalled.

“Alright, come on let’s get you read in, Kid, then you can just try to tell me no.” John threw an arm around Spencer after they put their plates away.

Tony helped Jack put his things where they belonged, then followed John to the conference room where Dr. Weir, Jack O’Neill and Daniel Jackson were waiting for them to arrive.

“Daniel, thank you for taking Jack. He loves books, and puzzles or complex games, he’s already two levels above his peers. Aaron was going to get him tested, but we just never found the time.”

“Don’t worry, DiNozzo, I have some really cool things he’ll enjoy."

"This may be an odd question, but do you speak Italian?" Tony asked as Jack stood wrapped around him.

"I do, actually. Why?"

"I think he's keeping himself isolated by talking mostly Italian. I've been teaching him since he started talking. I'm not discouraging yet, I believe he's having problems feeling safe. Just, if he does..."

"Don't worry, DiNozzo. I'll take care of him." Daniel smiled as he got down on one knee, so he was eye level with the boy. "Hey Jack, would you like to dig in some sand?”

The boy's eyes got wide, and he vigorously shook his head yes. Daniel stood and said something to Jack in Italian, then took his hand. They started out of the room when O'Neill called after them.

“Daniel, no taking the kid through the Stargate. That’s an order.”

“Wasn’t planning on it Jack, but now that you mention it…”

“Daniel…” O’Neill yelled as Daniel laughed while taking the boy by the hand and leading him away from the conference room.

“He isn’t going to…” Tony frowned and looked where the two had departed.

“No...I sincerely doubt it.” Tony narrowed his eyes, but a hand on his thigh and a soft chuckle had him settling down.

“They’re messing with you DiNozzo. Daniel wouldn’t do that. General, I think first we need to get Spencer up to speed.”

“Alright, Atlantis is real, but not in the way that you think it might be.” Jack started and went on to explain the Stargates and how they had learned of the existence of the Ancients and the city that they had built then abandoned.

John took over and explained about the Wraith and how the expedition, and him specifically, had woken them up hundreds of years before they should have woken. Now, the Pegasus Galaxy was a mess. John also talked about some of their blunders over the year they had been there.

“We know now that if we had someone of your skills, Agent DiNozzo that some of these encounters might have turned out very differently. John impressed upon me your skills as a Profiler. Well, in the time since we initially talked I did some research and understand a lot more what it is that you and Dr. Reid do. I agree with John, if we had you or someone like you to start off with, things might be a little different today.”

“Look, it’s scary out there, and I know your first thought is going to be your son, but we’ve beefed up our defenses while we search for more ZPMs. I cannot guarantee that Jack will be 110% safe, but I can promise that we will keep him as safe as we do all the children that are currently living in the city.”

“Dr. Weir, you and John promised we could read the mission reports?” Tony asked as he leaned back in his chair.

John pulled out a tablet and handed it to Tony. It was loaded up with all of the Atlantis mission reports for Gate Team 1. He then pushed the paper reports over to Spencer. Two large filing boxes full.

Spencer was reading through the paper files, and Tony could feel his anger radiating from him. Tony couldn’t blame him. The things he was reading, though at a much slower pace, put a pit of fear in his stomach. He was only halfway through when Spencer shot out of his chair, files falling everywhere and went to John, the slap sounding very loud in the quiet room.

“What the fuck, Spencer?”

“Really? Really, John? So, if you had died in any of those situations, would we have ever known? Would you have even been brought home? Would we forever be in the dark about what the hell happened to you?” Spencer was standing rigid, anger in every line of his body. Tony was about to get up and go to him, but John shook his head no.

“McKay had instructions that if anything happened, he was to come personally to tell you, Dad, everyone what happened.”

“John, I just...this shit is worse than going after a serial killer. And that bug? It almost killed you.”

John reached out and pulled Spencer into his arms and held him for a moment.

“I can’t lose any more family.” Tony ached at seeing the younger man fall apart in his brother’s arms.

“You aren’t, Spencer.”

“Damn straight, because I’m coming with you. As long you promise I can get letters to Mom and tell her what’s going on.”

“We are already setting up for data bursts once a month. And, Dad already said he would look in on her more often. You know we will always take care of Diana.”

Spencer visibly relaxed as he pulled out of John’s arms.

“I’m in. Even though I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m in.”

“Good, we have a lot of work to do to get ready to go back. We are asking the IOA and Stargate Command for a lot of supplies as well as soldiers that can be trained for gate travel. There is just one last thing we need to know. Here, Tony, please hold this in both hands.” Dr. Weir took out one of the more innocuous medical devices that were easy to gauge whether someone had the ATA gene or not. Tony took the two-handed device and held it in his hands. After a couple of minutes, it glowed just slightly.

“Interesting. Not a strong gene, but it’s there. Now you, Dr. Reid.” Spencer held the device in his hands, and it glowed like a Christmas tree on steroids.

“I shouldn’t even be surprised. You seem to have as powerful of a gene as your brother. Must mean that it comes from your Father’s side.” McKay had a very greedy look on his face, but John just narrowed his eyes at the Chief Scientist.

“If anyone starts calling my brother a lightbulb, I’ll kick all of your asses.”

 


	6. Part 6

As plans were being made to get ready to travel to Atlantis on the Daedalus, the General and John thought it might be a good idea to show Tony and Spencer what everything was all about.

“Okay, kids this is what y'all have been waiting for.” O’Neill looked up at the control booth and waved a hand at Walter. Both Tony and Spencer were dressed in BDU’s and outfitted with P90’s, handguns, a riot bar and all the proper gear. Tony was somewhat used to this, so it wasn't anything new to him. He had often gone on weekend ‘adventures’ with Gibbs when he had first started at NCIS. Thinking of Gibbs made Tony frown a little. A part of him hated the way that they had left things, but he knew he couldn’t stay. Tony just didn't feel safe anymore around his old Boss.

When the Gate started to turn, and the symbols lit up Spencer was smiling like a loon. Tony just laughed, as did John next to him. Of course, John had protested giving Spencer any weapons, but O’Neill had to remind him that his brother was a trained federal agent. He was still nervous about the P90 though. 

Then when the wormhole opened, Spencer stood there in complete awe.

“Wow, this is amazing” Spencer let slip as he shook his head, he reached down and threaded his fingers with Tony’s. His excitement was practically thrumming through him.

“Yeah, wait till you step through. It’s an even bigger rush.” Tony felt eyes on him as John looked him over. This little expedition was the full SG-1 team and included John, Rodney, Spencer, and Tony. More wanted to go, but O’Neill had to put a halt on who would come. They were just taking a short day trip and be back that afternoon. At least that was the plan.

As soon as they stepped through, both Tony and Spencer had their weapons raised, ready for anything.

“Whoa there campers, put your guns away. We have friends on this planet, and I’d like to keep it that way for once.” 

“You often make friends your enemies, General?” Tony stood and slowly put his gun away. Spencer followed when John laid a hand on his arm.

“Oh, Jack has that winning personality. You know, winning hearts, making friends, and being his charming, effervescent self.”  Daniel smirked towards his Dom as he held his P90 loosely in his hands.

“Well, at least he didn’t wake thousands of years old Space Vampires.”

“No, he just helped start a system wide Goa’uld war.”

“Hey, you assisted in that too, if I recall.” Jack pouted slightly, and Tony knew that mask well. Jack hid his intelligence behind the jokes and the smirks, but Tony knew a faker from miles away. He should know, he spent years perfecting his own masks.

“Spencer, when did you learn to handle a gun?” John frowned at his little brother who had put his gun away in its holster.

“John, I’m a trained Federal Agent like the General tried to tell you. What did you think I did?”

“You know, files and stuff.” John waved his hand at Spencer.

Tony kept quiet. He knew better than to get in between this conversation, but he was going to stay close in case this went bad. He had seen enough sibling behavior to know that preconceived notions could ruin even the best of relationships. Tony knew that Spencer’s relationships with his family were already strained. He hoped that John wouldn’t be an asshole when he figured out just how dangerous Spencer’s job was.

“John, we hunted down serial criminals, and our unit specialized in serial killers. There was nothing cushy about what I did.” Spencer went rigid as he frowned at his brother.

“I just thought you guys did that, you know, behind desks and stuff.”

“No. Do you think I can’t be out there in the field for some reason? Do I still look like that twelve-year-old that would get bullied in school?” Tony had rarely seen Spencer’s temper, but when he blew it was usually verbally vicious. He hoped that he wasn’t going to say something that he would regret.

“Spencer, I don’t think that’s what he meant. You’re his brother, he cares and just doesn’t want to see you hurt.” Tony tried to diffuse the situation before it escalated because he knew how these things could get worse very quickly.

“Right. My brother.” Spencer turned to Tony and the anger on his face wasn’t something Tony had seen since after his encounter with Hankel. “You know when Catherine died, I was locked out of being able to grieve with the family. Ignored that I grieved too. I know she may not have been my Mother, but it fucking hurt and I felt like I wasn’t allowed to grieve when she died.” When Spencer turned back to John the shock on his face didn’t stop Spencer. “You, Dave, Alec even Dad, you pushed me out and let me deal with it on my own. Why the hell do you think I left?” Spencer yelled as he glared at his brother, rooted to the spot he was standing in.

“Spencer, I don’t think now is the time…” John frowned and looked very uncomfortable. Even Rodney’s presence didn’t help.

“And when is a good time? When we get to Atlantis where you can hide? Or, back to the Mountain and you go on some mission, and we ignore this? Maybe I should run away to Afghanistan. Worked for you.” 

No one saw it coming when John’s fist connected with Spencer’s face. However, Spencer didn’t go down like some thought he would. He stood back up, breath shallow, anger and pain shown in his eyes. No one knew what to do.

“Right, that’s your first instinct. Hit me. I won’t confess my sins, not here, not now and if I didn’t tell him why the hell would I confess it to you?” Tony’s eyes widened and knew immediately that this was going to get much, much worse before it got better. He wanted to try to diffuse what was happening before it got any worse.

“Spencer, you don’t need to go there. I know you’re hurt and you’re angry, but calm down. This isn’t going to solve anything.” Tony could almost see Spencer’s mind working, and for a moment, Tony thought he was going to calm down and walk away. Unfortunately, he didn’t quite understand the tenacity of the Sheppard boys.

“What are you talking about?” John’s frown deepened.

“Okay, this has gone too far.” Jack waved a hand between the group. “We came here for a pleasant afternoon, a stroll in the sunshine on another planet and you two are completely ruining the moment.” 

Tony would have laughed, but the tension in the air was thick as the two brothers glared at each other with their apparently unresolved issues.

“Spencer, let it go.” Tony laid a hand Spencer’s arm hoping it snapped him out of the emotional hill he had just climbed. If this went on, Tony knew the fall was going to be hard and very nasty for both of them. He didn’t want either man to say something that would put further cracks in their relationship. 

Spencer took the few steps it took to get right up to John. 

“I’m not a scared ten-year-old boy anymore. I’ve talked down serial killers and madmen. I was kidnapped, held for two days and mentally and physically tortured.” Tony moved close and put a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. When all he did was relax into the touch and not push Tony away, he knew one of two things, he was calming down and getting ready to let it go, or, Spencer was just getting started. Aaron had told him once that Spencer’s quiet anger was always worse. A quiet Spencer meant a pissed off Spencer who could cut you to the bone with just his words. 

“He had DID, Dissociative Personality Disorder. Three personalities locked in one man and each one crazier than the other. Raphael, the Angel, he tried to get me to confess my sins. I kept those locked deep inside, and I refused to play his game. Do you know what it’s like to have a camera on you as you’re being tortured?”

John closed his eyes and swallowed thinking back to his time as a POW. 

“Spencer, I never knew. I’m so sorry…”

“You want to know?”

“What?” John looked at him confused. Tony could tell he wanted to step back, but if he did, he knew John would lose Spencer forever. This was a test, a test of wills between the two brothers and it just needed to finish playing out. Tony could see that this was a long time coming.

“Sir. We should stop this.” Tony heard Carter saying under her breath.

“No. No, they need to get this out.” 

“You want to know my confession?” There was a coldness to Spencer’s voice that Tony had never heard before and was genuinely afraid for him.

“Spence, we can talk about this later.”

Spencer snorted, and Tony knew that years of pain and frustration had built up to this moment. Spencer was not going to let it go.

“My biggest sin, my biggest secret, was that I wished Catherine had really been my Mother.” Tony could not keep the shock off his face, and neither could John. “When Dad brought me home, I knew, for the first time in my life what a Mother was supposed to be like. I didn’t have to worry. I didn’t have to be the parent. You have no idea what that was like for me. When you shut me out, something broke inside me because it was a stark reality that I never truly belonged.” 

Tony’s heart broke for his friend. He wanted to take Spencer away from this, to get him alone and let him work out his pain and frustration in private, with him. He wanted to help Spencer let go.

“Spencer...shit.” John closed his eyes, and all the fight went out of him. He threw his arms around Spencer and held him close till he went from rigid, to compliant and wrapping his arms around him pulling John even closer. “I’m sorry, kid. I’m so sorry. You’re right, we had no right to ignore your grief.” 

“I hated myself when Hankel made me remember all of that. It’s why It took so long for me to stop using.” 

Tony heard the intake of breath as John pushed Spencer back, but didn’t let go of him.

“What are you talking about.”

“Shit,” Spencer closed his eyes and pulled away, crossing his arms over his stomach. “I didn’t, I wasn’t, I never wanted you to know.”

“Know what?”

“Dilaudid. Hankel shot me up with Dilaudid, for two days I was drugged against my will. When I got home...I didn’t stop. Not for months.”

“Fuck, Spencer,” John cursed as he walked away trying to get a handle on his own emotions. When he walked back, he grabbed Spencer by the shoulders and made him look at him. “We need to do better.”

“Yeah, yeah we do.” Spencer pulled away and started to walk away. The fight was over, but nothing was completely resolved. Tony knew that it was going to take time for them to work all of this out. Giving one last look at John, Tony went after Spencer. He was thankful that the rest of the group acted they had not heard anything. Then the General was telling his team to keep their traps shut, as he put it. Tony couldn’t help being just a bit amused.

“Hey, what do you need, Spencer?” Tony asked as he caught up with his friend.

Spencer’s whole demeanor shifted as he let his eyes travel over Tony’s face.

“Follow my orders. Don’t question me and when we get back, let me hurt you, and tie you up.”

Tony nodded, “Okay. I can do that.” He felt eyes on the back of his head and turned to see John with a little twinge of jealousy in his eyes. Tony wasn’t going to be responsible for his feelings, John wasn’t his Dom.

* * *

Two days after their journey through the gate, Tony was being introduced to David and Patrick Sheppard. He could feel the tension between the family but had no clue how to help them. Spencer said that he and John had talked out a lot of things and were on more even ground. Now, he was finally telling his father and older brother a lot of the things that he had held onto so hard. When all Patrick did was wrap his son up in his arms and apologize for not being there for him, Tony left them to work all of this out.

Tony thought about Jack and all that his son had been through. He was in Daniel’s lab with John sifting through a large box of play sand that Daniel had buried some toys and other things for Jack to find. Tony was on his knees next to Jack, who was happily telling him all about what he was doing.

“See, Papa. This thing goes like this.” Tony stifled a laugh as Jack used a small excavation rake to sift through the sand. “And see, I can find things. I found a superhero, like Daddy,” Jack held up a Captain America action figure. Tony choked up a little as he settled a hand on Jack’s shoulder. The boy didn’t even skip a beat as he continued showing Tony his treasures. “And a ball and these rocks and these things.” Jack held up each thing then set it carefully down next to the box.

Tony noted in his mind that Jack was falling back into the Italian less and less. It wasn't altogether gone, but Tony knew his son was feeling safer. He still wanted to have Jack talk to someone, but he would wait till they got to Atlantis.

“He really got into it, so I just kept putting things in there. Hope you don’t mind.” 

Tony stood up and leaned against the desk when he heard Daniel come in.

“Thank you. I know Jack understands on one level, but I don’t think it truly registers. I know he misses Aaron. I just…”

Daniel leaned against the desk next to Tony, letting him talk.

“I was a little older when my Mom died. I knew what was going on. Jack is only four, what the hell am I doing?” Tony scrubbed his face as he watched Jack play and babble to himself. Then he’d get excited when he found a new ‘present’.”

“Thank you, for doing this. You didn’t have to.”

“My Grandfather, it was something we did after my parents died. He may have been a bastard, but he tried.”

“My father was an abusive, neglectful asshole. I never want Jack to know a single day of pain or fear. Somedays I have no clue what the f...hell I’m doing.”

Daniel chuckled at the near-expletive, “Tony, I know we haven’t known each other long, but that little boy loves you. Whatever you are doing, keep doing it because he’s as happy as any kid can be that just lost someone. You are the one getting him through this, give yourself a break.”

“Thanks. You don’t mind watching him? I’ve been invited out with the Sheppard clan, and I don’t want to overwhelm Jack. Besides, things might be said that he shouldn’t be around.”

Daniel smiled, and Tony couldn’t help appreciating the Dr.’s good looks. Another time, other circumstances, he might have talked Daniel into his bed, but he knew that O’Neill would never share. Too bad, thought Tony. 

“We’ll be okay. I have some Ancient kids toys that he might like to play with. I promise they are just toys and we have already cataloged and researched them. They are safe.”

“Oh, it’s not you I’m worried about. McKay had a very hungry eye when it came to Spencer and myself.”

Daniel laughed and shook his head knowing McKay would try to manipulate, cajole and beg for Spencer and Tony to be his personal light switches.

“Yeah, you might have to have Weir and Sheppard reign him in. Go on, we’ll be fine.”

Tony bent down and picked Jack up to sit on his knee.

“Hey buddy, will you be alright with Daniel here till I get back? I promise I will only be gone a couple of hours.”

“Okay, Papa.” Jack kissed Tony on his cheek. He smoothed the boy's hair back then picked up the Captain America figure, pressing it into Jack’s hand. 

“Here, Captain America will watch out for you till I get back, okay?”

Jack smiled and threw his arms around Tony. It was only after the boy was settled and playing again that Tony felt it safe to leave. He said his goodbyes to Daniel then went to go meet Spencer and his family for an evening out. Tony wasn’t sure what to expect, he just hoped they all behaved themselves.

* * *

Tony wondered if the Sheppard’s were always this loud, or if they were somehow unloading a lot of pent up emotions all at the same time. He was glad now that he didn’t bring Jack. He had never known his parents to raise their voices in front of him. Tony had enough, so he stood up and whistled loud enough that everyone stopped.

“I think the problem here is that not only are you all talking at once, boys and girls, but you aren’t actually listening. Now, we are going to play a little game.” Tony took all of the stray straws scattered on the table, took one straw and cut it short, then put them back in his hand, sort of shuffling them around. Starting with Patrick Sheppard, Tony made him take a straw. He then went around the whole table. No one stopped him because they were wondering just what he was doing.

“Alright, who has the short straw?”

David’s wife, Celine, a pretty little Sub with dark hair and dark eyes from his own house, smiled and held it up. 

“Miss Celine, this is what’s going to happen. Celine will get her say, and no one will interrupt. Not even her husband. Then she will pass the straw to her left, and that person will get their turn. So forth and so on. Right now, no one’s a Sub, no one’s a Dom, no one is a son, no one is a Father. Obviously, you guys have a lot of pent up issues, and yelling isn’t going to help. Now, you may have the floor.” Tony did a little bow towards Celine, who giggled a little and shook her head.

“Anthony, you have been the voice of reason in the chaos. I do have a few things to say to everyone in private, especially you Spencer, but later. For now, all I will say is that you are all idiots. You, Spencer, are not blameless in all of this. I know you were hurt, but you also wouldn’t let anyone help you. I was there, remember?

“You, Patrick, ignored your son’s pain. You also were unreasonably angry at John for not wanting any part of Sheppard Industries. But, you have to let your boys make their own way. And, John, you’ve been angry about your Father’s taking a new Sub that isn’t your Mother. You all have to put your bullshit aside and move one. Alec, don’t think you are perfect because you aren’t. You just haven’t done anything as stupid as the others. Now, I’ve said my piece. The floor is yours, Alec.” Celine passed the straw to the youngest Sheppard who espoused how hurt he was that his brother’s and father were all fighting and not talking. He let everyone know how that made him feel.

Spencer then had the straw, and he grudgingly apologized for blaming everyone for his own grief. This went around the table, of course passing Tony and McKay, who was also there at the dinner. Then it got to Patrick.

“You’re right, Spencer. We did shut you out when we shouldn’t have. Catherine loved you dearly, and I think she would be ashamed at how we have all acted from losing her. I didn’t bring Trevor into the family to replace your mother, John. But, he has loved all of you equally.” Patrick then zeroed in on Tony.

“As for you, Mr. DiNozzo, I’d like to know what your angle is.”

Tony frowned as he looked Patrick Sheppard right in the eye.

“Excuse me?”

“Obviously Spencer cares very much for you, and John hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off of you this whole time. Are you playing my sons?”

“Dad,” Spencer and John yelled as they looked horrified at their father.

“I’m protecting my family.”

“You’re acting like a jackass, Dad.” John threw his napkin down on the table and pushed away as if he was going to leave.

“It’s okay, John. Other than you and Spencer, your family doesn’t know me.” John sat back down, and Tony looked right at Patrick again. “I can assure you, Mr. Sheppard, that Spencer has been one of my best friends for the last four years. I don’t wear your son's collar.” Tony touched it and breathed deep to stem the emotions that had been stirred up. “My Dom was killed six weeks ago by a psychopath that had been stalking him. He was the Unit Chief of the FBI’s BAU, the same unit Spencer has been working in. I…”

“Tony, you don’t need to explain to anyone, least of all my father. What’s between us, is between us, and no one else.”

“He thinks I’m trying to gold dig, Spencer.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“It’s true, Spencer. I’m just making sure that this man didn’t set his sights on you because of your money.”

“Let me guess, you had a business deal with my father that went south, and because of that you assume that I am in some way a chip off the ol’ block... is that it? If so then I have to tell you I wouldn’t do that to my son. Jack just lost his father after losing his mother in childbirth. The only person he has left is me, and I would do anything in the world for him. I would not hurt him like my father hurt me.”

“And I will not have you disparaging my cousin, Patrick.” Tony looked up and flashed that blinding smile of his. One he hadn’t shown in weeks as he jumped out of his chair and ran to the man standing there.

“Eddie.” Tony was grabbed in a tight hug. “Ash?” Tony looked behind the man he called Eddie and saw a tall, thin man standing there. “What are you two doing here?”

“We came to see what kind of trouble you had gotten yourself into, Anthony. Seems a Trent Kort said something to Felix Leiter, who then told Bond. And you know who Bond tells all his secrets too.”

“Ash.”

“Are you going to invite us in or do you want to go talk somewhere more private.”

“No, no come into the crazy, I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun.” Tony then turned to the curious faces that were staring at him. “Everyone, these are my cousins Edward Paddington, and Ashcroft Roosevelt Paddington. MI6’s Quartermaster and Eddie here is 008. Don’t worry, everyone here has very high clearance levels.”

“Yes, to be included in the Stargate program I’d assume that all of you have NDA’s in place.”

“And just how do you know about an American top secret program?” John narrowed his eyes at the man.

“I can assure you, Colonel Sheppard, that I was able to break into your security protocols and no one was the wiser, not even your Colonel Carter. I’m Quartermaster for a reason.” Ash smirked at the man as he and Edward found spots at the table next to Tony.

“I have not seen you since the funeral, and I wanted to give you this, Tony.” Tony took an envelope from Edward with shaking hands. He opened it and his breath caught in his throat.

“Edward,” Tony choked as he looked at the piece of paper in his hand. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to. You know I thought Aaron was perfect for you. I’ve never seen anyone love you the way he did. I was very glad when you accepted his collar. He had asked me to make sure you were alright if anything happened to him.”

Tony carefully folded the paper up and put it back into the envelope. Tony excused himself as he fled the private room at the restaurant they were at.

“What happened?”

“Aaron Hotchner set up a foundation to help children that lost their parents. When his wife died in . childbirth, he was devastated. He lost his wife and Sub and now had a baby to take care of while in a demanding career. While his House helped him through some of it, it was still difficult. Though Tony and him had been in a platonic situation, it wasn’t till about six months later that it turned into something more Another six months and he was collaring Tony. Now, I was wary because Tony has a habit of falling hard and fast. When I met them well, it’s hard to describe.”

“They were beautiful together. Everyone was envious of their relationship, and for those first months, they were a platonic couple.” Ash glared at Patrick. “To disparage our cousin is to court bad blood between the Sheppards and the Paddingtons. We don’t want to see several important contracts suddenly...lost now do we?”

“Edward, you have to understand that I just want to protect my sons.”

“And you know full well they are fully grown gentlemen and can make their own decisions. I would think that you would want to repair what’s been broken instead of being a complete jackass.”

No one at the table had noticed when John had gotten up and went after Tony. He found him outside sitting on a bench looking a little lost.

“Are you okay?”

“Edward just put two million dollars into the Haley Hotchner Foundation. He and Aaron got along very well. They ran in the same circles growing up, but never officially met till me. Edward's generosity has always stunned me.”

John reached out and took Tony’s hand, gently making lazy circles with his thumb over the back.

“He seems quite protective. When I left, he was basically blackmailing my Father.” John chuckled a little.

“Uncle Clive took me in when my Father abandoned me in a hotel in Hawaii. Most of them have been pretty protective, except my cousin Crispin who is unreasonably jealous and an enormous twatwaffle.”

John snorted and let out a laugh as he held Tony’s hand.

“Look, I don’t know what I’m ready for, John. I like you, a lot. And believe me, when you were on the Seahawk if I didn’t have Aaron I probably would have climbed you like a tree. Just, give me time.”

“I can do that. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, cause I don’t really want to face those cousins of yours without you there. Jeez, they’d make a Wraith cower in fear.”

Tony laughed and agreed that they probably would.


	7. Part 7

Tony was sitting on his favorite pier leaning back on his arms and staring up at the stars. He still wasn’t quite used to the different star patterns in the sky. The ache of losing Aaron was still there, but each day it was getting better. Tony had also come to the realization on just how toxic NCIS had actually become. He knew it intellectually, but it was hard to come to terms with emotionally.

“Thought I’d find you out here.” John sat next to Tony on the pier and handed him a beer. “You’re lucky I’m not your Dom or else you would be punished for that stunt you pulled yesterday.”

“Hey, you asked me here to do a job, I did the job. I can’t help it that people have a tendency to shoot at me. Though, I do have to say it is a new experience to have someone shoot you with an arrow.”

John snorted as he cracked open his beer and took a swig.

“That wasn’t on my resume? Trouble magnet?” Tony laughed as he took a sip of his beer.

“As I recall there wasn’t an actual resume.”

Tony shook his head as he sipped his beer.

“How are you doing, Tony?” John’s tone turned more serious as he eyed Tony a moment.

“I’m okay. Why?” 

“I haven’t seen you with Spencer as much lately.” John slid a look over to Tony while he dangled his legs over the pier.

“You haven’t been paying attention to your little brother?” Tony couldn’t help the small smirk that formed on his lips. 

“What are you talking about?” John had his beer halfway to his lips when he looked over at Tony with utter confusion on his face. Tony tried to stifle the laugh that wanted to bubble up and escape his lips. “DiNozzo, what is going on with Spencer?” 

“Okay, Sheppard, you cannot tell me that you have not noticed Spencer and McKay circling around each other these past six months.”

“What?! I’ll kill him,” John jumped up ready to lay into his best friend. Tony stood and grabbed John’s shoulder.

“Whoa, there soldier boy. Spencer is a grown man. He also knows his own mind. He and McKay get along really well, and if you’ve noticed Spencer can speak geek and translate it, so we all understand what your Chief Scientist is actually saying. Plus, he makes sure McKay eats and gets proper sleep.”

“How have I not seen this?” Tony actually felt for the guy. Having his little brother on Atlantis was rocky at first, till Spencer showed his brother what he could actually do. And, John needed reminding that Spencer had gone after serial killers for a living. Not exactly a job for a weak person.

“I think because you didn’t want to see it. Come on, take a few deep breaths and relax. Spencer can take care of himself. He certainly was able to respond when the Wraith attacked us on Soros. That should have proved to you that he isn’t afraid, and can handle a gun.”

“Yeah, that was pretty epic. Alright, doesn’t mean I have to like it.” John sat back down and pouted slightly as he unconsciously started to peel the label off the bottle.

“I always wanted a big brother, Edward was the closest I ever got, but he was pretty cool growing up. Spencer is lucky to have you.”

The two men fell into a companionable silence, sipping their beers and enjoying the cool evening air.

“You evaded my question earlier. How are you, Tony?”

Tony let his gaze wander out across the water as he once again let his legs dangle off the pier. 

“I guess I’m doing okay. With Spencer spending time with McKay, I’ve not...it hasn’t been easy. Why so interested in my well-being Sheppard?” Tony lifted a brow as he looked sideways towards John.

The, now Colonel, shrugged slightly as he let his eyes travel Tony’s body. 

Tony wasn’t unaware of one Colonel John Sheppard's interest in him. It had been there from their first meetings at Stargate Command. He had been hesitant not just because he was healing from his grief, but ultimately John was his boss. Tony laid down on the cool, smooth floor of the pier and looked up at the stars trying to get his thoughts in order. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to hear what John had to say.

“Because I like you DiNozzo. Not just as a member of Atlantis, that part was easy. But, I like you. I see the grief you have been carrying slowly lifting from your eyes and a part of me has wanted to help, but you have kept everyone except Spencer at arm's length.”

Tony closed his eyes and let his mind wander for a moment. He let himself wonder what it would be like to be with John. The attraction wasn’t one-sided, Tony had felt it too, but he had been nowhere near ready when he arrived at Stargate Command. Tony had been feeling antsy as of late, ever since Spencer showed his interest in McKay and wanted the freedom to pursue that interest. Tony had been more than happy to give up his relationship with his friend if it meant that Spencer had found someone he could be happy with. So far it seemed to be working. He didn’t think it would be long till the young genius offered his collar to McKay, Tony would have to wait and watch. He would hate it if McKay hurt Spencer, but Tony didn’t think that was going to happen.

“I know, you have to realize that the last few years at NCIS were not the best. Even Aaron was trying to get me to quit. But, I always felt like I owed Gibbs something. Things were good for a long time. Even when Kate came on board. But, after she was killed, then with Gibbs losing his memory, things changed and not for the better. People I thought were friends...weren’t.”

“That’s a lot of broken trusts.”

“Yeah. And it all just got worse when Aaron died and I assumed responsibility of taking care of Jack, it’s been hard for me to trust again.”

John watched Tony for a few minutes trying to come to some type of a decision. He moved closer and cupped Tony’s cheek. He was quiet while he gently ran a thumb over Tony’s lips, then followed the line of his jaw to his ear. 

“If you tell me to stop, I will. If not, come with me to my quarters tonight.” 

Tony swallowed and closed his eyes, letting the feel of John’s fingers on his face reach inside him. 

“I don’t know what I’m ready for.” Tony wanted honesty with John and with himself.

“Then we take it slow. I want you Tony, but I won’t push.”

Tony moved to where he was leaning up on his side with one hand behind his head holding himself up. He studied John for a few moments before he leaned in and took a chance. Lips pressed together in a chaste kiss had Tony’s stomach doing little flips. When he pulled back, he waited to see what John was going to do.

John reached out and gently grabbed the back of Tony’s neck pulling him in closer. He kissed him a little harder, a little more passionate. Tongues touched experimentally but never went past their lips. Pulling back Tony touched his forehead to John’s while trying to catch his breath. 

“I’ll go back with you.” Tony surprised himself but knew this was what he wanted.

“I’ll take care of you, Tony.”

Standing up he followed John back to his quarters not knowing what to expect but knew that John wouldn’t push him for something he wasn’t ready to give. This was the first step towards truly living again, trusting again, and Tony wanted that. He wanted to stop just moving through his life and not connecting or trusting anyone, this was the first big step and Tony was ready to take it.

* * *

Tony slowly woke and rolled onto his stomach. He stretched letting himself feel every single ache from the night before. While he and John hadn’t had sex, they came close to it, but Tony just wasn’t ready for that step yet. Tony closed his eyes and smiled to himself while he thought about what they did do. Tony had thought Spencer was a genius at tying him up, he had nothing on John. The man was a master at it, and Tony had been able to fall into his Submission very quickly. He wondered if he should be worried about that, but when a hand caressed down his back, Tony seriously wanted to purr.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” John murmured against Tony’s shoulder before kissing the mark he had left there.

“It’s still early, we don’t have to be boarding a jumper for a while yet.”

“True, but I need you focused.”

Tony chuckled as he pushed up slightly and turned his head to look over at John. The feelings he had started to feel for the man were floating there on the surface, but he was nowhere near ready to voice them. 

Their friendship had started out easy. First on missions, Tony showing just what he was made of. Late night talks, movie marathons with the movies that Tony was able to bring. Days off with Jack on the mainland where he could play with the Athosian children and John coming with them. 

“I forgot, Jack made you something. One of the kids on the mainland showed him how to weave these little bracelets. He wanted to give it to you, but he fell asleep. Spencer and McKay took him last night saying I needed a day off.”

John swallowed hard as he let his fingers trace Tony’s Consort mark on his back. The large double wolf’s head had intrigued the man who spent almost an hour doing very wicked things to Tony’s back.

“I don’t know what to say. I feel completely out of my depth here, Tony. I mean, kids are great, and the ones on the settlement, I care about, but I…”

“Yeah, it can be overwhelming. Jack has come to care for you, just like he has McKay. The one person I need to watch, though, is Ronon. I swear, I never know what he’s going to try to teach my son and it is, frankly, slightly frightening.”

John laughed as he moved to straddle Tony’s thighs, running his hands up and down his back.

“Can you tell me who your Master was?”

Tony sighed into the pillow. John hadn’t asked the night before, but he knew it would come up. Tony knew that John knew how much it meant to him. He was grateful that he didn’t bring it up during their scene the night before because that would have pulled him right out of it.

“It was Aaron.” Tony wondered if it would always be this way, that saying his name would always be an ache, or would he eventually forget. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to ever forget the man that had been his everything just a few months ago, but he also knew he was beginning to move on, to heal and it scared him more than he wanted to admit.

“Tony, I don’t know where we are going, or what you eventually want, but I know he was important to you. You have a piece of him with you always in Jack. I would never want you to lose those memories or forget what he meant to you.”

Tony took a shuddering breath and nodded against the pillow.

“Thank you. That means a lot, John.” Tony sighed as a kiss was placed in the middle of his back, then John was moving off of him. He regretted that they had to get up and get started for the day, but Stargates and Missions waited for no one.

As soon as Tony he walked back to his own rooms, Jack came running at him.

“Papa, Uncle Roney said I could spend the day with him. Can I Papa?”

“Rod-ney, Jack, not Roney.”

“Ro-da-ney.” Tony wasn’t quite successful in stifling his laugh.

“Good enough, for now, kid. As to you spending the day with him, could this have to do with the new tech that was recently found?”

Jack bit his lip and looked at Tony with bright, wide eyes. Spencer and Rodney were trying very hard to keep their laughter to themselves as they watched father and son.

“Uh-un.”

“Figlio, somehow I don’t believe you, but if your Uncle Rodney promises not to use you as a light up toy, then you can spend the day with him while I go on Mission with the team.” Tony turned to look at McKay with a questioning glance.

“I’m staying behind on this one to get the Ancient tech we found cataloged and secured till we can start testing safely. I don’t trust the other idiots under me to be smart or safe with the new toys. And you should know I would never use the kid like that. Spencer on the other hand…” McKay got a wicked smile on his face, and a face full of potato as Spencer flung it at him.

“Don’t let Sheppard hear you say that. Remember what he did to the last scientist that tried to use Spencer as a human lightbulb.”

“My brother is a bully,” Spencer groused as he glared at McKay.

“Your brother cares about you and wants to make sure that the scientists remember that you are a human being and also a scientist. Now, we need to get going for the Mission. You're certain you want to stay behind McKay?” John had said as he sauntered into the room.

“Yes, Sheppard, for the last time I am fine sitting this one out. It was my idea, remember? And, I want to get started on trying to figure out what the hell it is we brought back from Rigel III. That temple has a lot more, and if you hadn’t screwed things up, we would be going back there.”

Tony turned to John and raised a brow. He hadn’t heard this one. Tony had stayed in Medical working with a couple of Marines on their physical therapy. Tony was finding the variety of jobs he had on Atlantis, not only fun but very stimulating as well. His mind had always run full-stop, and before Tony would use cold cases as his excuse to try to calm it when Aaron had been gone for days on a case. Now he juggled the PT duties, with first contact missions and so far it was working out great. 

“What did you do?” Tony asked as he furrowed his brow.

“Nothing. Look, we’ll talk about it later, right now we have a first contact mission, so come on.” Tony just shook his head knowing John would eventually tell him what happened when he was ready. Or, he would just read the mission reports and decide whether to be mad at the man or not.

“Okay, little man. You can stay with Rodney, just don’t leave the lab.”

“I’ll be there as well, Tony. Don’t worry, we’ll watch Jack for you. Besides, I think Radek doesn’t want to admit that he is completely taken by Jack.” Spencer took the boy from Tony’s arms and held him close. Tony knew that Spencer too was still healing from Aaron’s loss, they had been very close, almost like brothers themselves. He was glad that Jack could help be that balm for him and that McKay was quickly becoming very important as well. Tony made a mental note that he would have to take some time to spend with Spencer, the two of them had not had much time together since Spencer had shown his interest in the acerbic scientist.

“Okay, Papa. I’ll be good.”

Jack had gotten better at being left behind on the City. The first time Tony had gone on a mission, Jack had cried thinking that he wasn’t going to come back. It took him almost an hour to calm the boy down enough that he could leave. Then the guilt reared its ugly head inside Tony, and he almost missed the body language that the people on the planet were giving off. A very dangerous misunderstanding was averted, but Tony knew his head was elsewhere at the time. When they had gotten back to Atlantis, Jack threw himself at Tony. It took the both of them time to be able to be separated. But, they were muddling through, and Jack was getting much better, as was Tony.

 

 

* * *

Stepping out of the jumper onto a new planet still gave Tony a thrill as he looked around at his surroundings. He checked and made sure he had his Zat gun, and the preferred P90 strapped around his front. He had double checked his pack before leaving the spacecraft and was ready by the time John stepped down out of the craft. 

Tony waited while John ordered the two Lieutenants to stay behind while he, Teyla, and Ronon started their trek towards the settlement that had been picked-up on long range sensors just days before. 

“We have not had a chance to spend much time together, Anthony.” Teyla walked beside him and gave him a crooked smile. 

“Yeah, trying to get Jack settled in has been the biggest priority.”

“Charra tells me that you are a skilled healer. She is walking much better after her time with you. I spoke with Halling, and there are a couple of our people that might benefit from your skills. That is if you wouldn’t mind.”

Tony felt flattered. He knew how much Teyla valued her people and that they were still a little rocky after they found out she had Wraith blood in her. Of all the individuals, Spencer had found himself in the middle of an argument with Teyla and Halling. Spencer, using all his interrogation and negotiation skills, was able to make them make peace with each other. They listened because he was an outside perspective and used that to his advantage. There was still a lot of work to do between them, but it was at least a start. It didn’t hurt that Spencer was an avid Atheist and didn’t really believe much when it came to religion. He could be the voice of reason for the both of them.

“I don’t mind at all. They would have to come to the city, though. I can’t help them in the village.”

“I will talk with them and see if that will be agreeable to them.” Tony felt like Teyla was studying him. “I have known John for two years now, and even if we joke about the women that have thrown themselves at him, I know he hasn’t had much in the way of companionship. The way he looks at you, I have never seen him look at others that way.”

Tony took a deep breath as he looked up at the sky for a moment, then back down at Teyla.

“I like him too. I’m just...it’s difficult to move on, and I’ve made a lot of changes in my life these last few months. I have to think of Jack first, myself second. It’s helped that so many on the city have basically adopted my son.” Tony chuckled as Teyla blushed. 

Teyla laid a hand on his arm and gave him a gentle smile.

“Losing someone is never easy. I did not know this Aaron, but I have a feeling that I would have liked him from how you speak of him. You have done so much for all of us since you have come to Atlantis, there is something I would like to do for you if you are willing.”

John finished what he was doing in the Jumper, then walked towards them signaling that they should move out.

“I’m listening.”

“We have a ceremony that has helped many of our people to say goodbye. I only understand some of your rituals when it comes to your deceased, but I would like to do this for you. Maybe it could help you move on.”

Tony walked beside Teyla while Ronon walked with John. They were going at an easy gait and would reach the village in less than an hour. Tony thought about Teyla’s offer. He normally was not a religious man, but out here in the middle of what was essentially a war zone, he was willing to admit there were a few times he had sent up a prayer or two. He felt honored that Teyla had essentially accepted him as one of her own. She had taken to Jack as many people on the City had. The boy needed a mother figure, and Teyla had seemed to slot herself into that role with no encouragement from Tony. It seemed good for the both of them, so he left it alone. It didn’t hurt that he often found himself in receipt of little gifts from Teyla for both himself and for Jack.

“I don’t see how it could hurt. I would be very honored.”

“Good. I will set it up.”

The rest of the way was done in near silence, no one wanted to talk as they made it the rest of the way to the village. Tony went on alert the closer they got to where they were going. He slung his P90 back around his back and took the lead as they stepped into the perimeter of the village.

A tall, dark man stood and came close to the group. Tony was reminded of Derek Morgan a little, but he quickly pushed those memories aside He did not need to be compromised in a first contact situation.

“You are strangers to our village.” The man narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms as he looked over the small group.

“Yes. We came through the Ring of the Ancestors. We are looking to trade with your people.”

“You are the people we have heard about. The ones that are living on the Lost City of the Ancestors.”

“How did you hear about that?” John asked as he narrowed his eyes at the, what Tony assumed, was the leader.

“You seem distrustful when we haven’t even talked about what we are willing to trade?”

Tony laid a hand on John’s arm, telling him with a touch that he would handle this. After all, this is what he was brought out here for.

“I’m sorry. We just have had people who appear as friends only for them to turn on us and attack. We understand that with the Wraith awakening, it’s difficult to know exactly who to trust. But, we come here in good faith and hope to establish a friendship between us.”

The man relaxed his stance and studied the four of them for a moment, then nodded his head.

“Then come, and we shall talk. My name is Solna.”

“Solna, I’m Tony. This is John, Ronon, and Teyla. Can I assume that you are the leader of your people?”

“I am the one they turn to when important decisions need to be discussed. But everyone in the village has a voice. Sit. Would you like something to drink or eat?”

“I think we’re good for now.” Tony smiled cordially as he sat at a long table that was on the outside of the houses dotting the area. It looked like a communal eating and cooking area. Tony saw some crops in the back of the main set of housing. “Can I ask what you grow?”

“We have several crops. Here, try this drink. It is a favorite among our people.” Tony looked down at the dark brew in the cup that Solna had given him. When he raised the cup, the smell was something close to coffee. He took a small sip and almost moaned in pleasure. Even though the Daedalus had brought a good supply of coffee with them, it was quickly running out, thanks to Rodney and Spencer alone. He turned to John with a broad smile on his face as he held up the cup.

“Tastes like coffee.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, just not as bitter or acidic. It’s quite good.” Tony put the cup back on the table. He wasn’t foolish enough to drink the whole thing right away. He had done that once, and well his penchant for getting kidnapped wasn’t any different in the Pegasus Galaxy than it was on Earth.

“We would be willing to trade with you. This is delicious.”

“And what would you be willing to trade?”

“Food, harvesting techniques to help make it faster and easier. Medicines. But, first, we would need to know where you heard about us.”

Solna leaned on the table with folded hands and looked Tony in the eye.

“A small group of Genii came through here about four turns of our moons ago. We used to have a good rapport with them. Trading and a guarded friendship. I must tell you that I did not trust them entirely. If it weren't for the fact they had food and plants to trade, I would never have let them into my village.”

“Shit.” John stood and paced, trying to keep from getting angry. He knew there were still Genii out there, their threat wasn’t lessened just because Koyla was gone. 

“I assure you, that when I learned the truth of them, they were no longer welcomed. They tried to steal one of our most precious artifacts.”

“Oh? Can I ask what?”

Solna smiled and stood, “Follow me, and I will show you.” The man walked toward a building that was a more Substantial structure than the cabin like houses. Something in Tony’s gut started to burn. The building was incongruous to the rest of the village. It looked too new, too modern from the rest of the architecture. There was something off and Tony wasn’t sure what it was.

“This is our learning center. We are still building parts of it. Come, it’s back here.” The four followed along till they ended up at the back of the building and there, sitting on a pedestal was something that would make McKay weep, a ZPM. “One of our people found this when he was digging in an area about two days walk from here. We’ve been trying to study it, but can’t figure out what it is.”

“You mind?” Tony reached out like he was going to touch it, and Solna indicated that it was okay. When Tony laid his hand on it, the ZPM lit up. Both Tony and John tried not to show their excitement at seeing a mostly full ZPM sitting there.

“How, how did you do that? None of our people have been able to make it do anything.”

This was where Tony deferred to John. He left them talking and started to walk around the building. That feeling that something about all of this was off was getting stronger the more he looked around. Something about Solna and his immediate friendliness was off as well. Those little warning bells he had always relied on in the past were going off wildly in his head. But, he didn’t feel danger emanating from Solna, he just felt like the man was lying about something, he just didn’t know what it was.

After his once around the inside of the building, that was just a little too perfect for Tony’s liking, he made his way back to the room with the ZPM. The whole thing screamed artificial. Tony narrowed his eyes at Solna and went with his instincts.

“This isn’t real. I think the only thing that is real is the ZPM. And you aren’t what you say you are.”

“Tony?” John asked as he moved away from Solna.

“Don’t you see it? This is all too perfect. The village, this building even you, Solna. It all feels...artificial.”

“And what makes you think this, Tony?”

“Because I’ve been in traps before and while I don’t believe this is a trap, this whole thing has the feel of one. It’s coming from you. Wasn’t it odd, John, that none of the villagers interacted with us? Just Solna. And, what is the one thing that the geeks have been complaining about?”

“Coffee and how it’s now being rationed till the Prometheus can get to us for resupply.”

“Exactly.” Tony eyed Solna as he stepped up to him. “So, tell us, who are you really?”

The man looked at Tony, impressed.

“You are right, Tony. But, it’s not a trap. It is a test. One that many have failed. With the number of weapons that you carry, I assumed that you also would fail.”

“And what test is this?” John didn’t even try to hide his annoyance.

“A test to see if you would just take what you call the ZPM. I know exactly what it is and who it was meant for.”

“You’re an Ancient.”

“Indeed, Colonel Sheppard, but I am not ascended. I chose not to go when my people left. Though this planet is inhabited, I wanted to greet you first. To understand your motivations. To make sure you didn't come to this planet to harm the people that reside here.”

“Well, we are not usually the ones to fire first. We are always ready to negotiate first. You used the Genii to see what we would do.”

“Yes. It was easy to pluck the information from your minds as soon as you came through the Gate. I will not say that I am sorry. These people, it is my duty to protect them and make sure that those abominations do not harm them.”

“Why? What do you get out of it?” Tony wished he was in an interrogation room with Solna. He knew he’d be able to make this whole tet-a-tet move much faster.

“Nothing. But, I feel responsible for them.”

“Why would you feel responsible for them?” John moved closer to Solna, his hands itching to be wrapped around his Zat gun.

“You must have read much of the research we did in this Galaxy. What we did, what I’m ashamed to admit in having a hand in creating these monstrosities that have been unleashed on the people here. I was young and just an assistant at the time, but that is no excuse.”

“How are you still so young looking if you aren’t ascended?”

“When my people decided to leave, to abandon Pegasus and specifically Atlantis, I stole some of the nanite technology. I didn’t use it at first. Taking one of the, what you call Jumpers, I explored. I learned all I could about the people, and when I could no longer keep the craft going, I landed here and have not left. My mentor gave me one of the ZPM’s told me to hold onto it, and I would know when the time was right to use it. I kept it safe, watched the people on this planet grow and I grew old. I didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to die before finding those that deserved the power of the City. So, I used the nanites, and they have kept me young for a very long time.”

“Are you wanting to keep the ZPM?” John looked at the power source and itched to just take it, but he knew from past experiences that sometimes someone needed it more than they did.

“No. It belongs to the City. We did not trust who might come through the gate, but both you John and you Tony are descendants. If the City woke for you, then it is for you to take.”

“Just curious, what would have happened if you found us to be not so honorable?” Ronon crossed his arms and stared at Solna.

“You would have been disintegrated into dust.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I’m so glad that didn’t happen.” John blew out a breath as he approached the pedestal. “You sure about this?”

“I am positive. Take it with my blessing.”

“You could come back with us. We have so many questions. My people would love to hear from someone such as yourself.” Teyla looked hopeful that Solna would agree to come to the City with them.

“No young one. I am tired. I have made my life here, and once you take the ZPM, my nanites will start to die and then I will finally be at rest. I would suggest you go to the real village and meet the people of this world. They are kind and very generous. I’m sure you can make trade with them and help them more than I have been able to.”

John was going to say more, but Solna just smiled and walked away. Tony and John both took a deep breath as they picked up the ZPM and put it in a bag to take with them.

“McKay is so going to be sorry he missed this mission.”

“Oh, yeah. Too bad for him.” Tony couldn’t help the wicked smile on his face almost hearing the tirade the scientist would unleash in his head. 

“Let’s go meet the natives, kids.” John started to walk in the direction that had been indicated by Solna, everyone had a little more hope for this mission now that they had a real, full ZPM in their possession.


	8. Part 8

Tony was grinning like a loon when he walked into Rodney’s lab and set the duffel on one of the tables.

“Okay McGeek, don’t say I don’t ever give you anything nice.” Tony leaned against the opposite counter as McKay frowned at the nickname.

“What did you do? Or did Sheppard do something monumentally stupid and he’s too afraid to tell me? Why are you grinning like that? I worry when you smile like that because it means that you did something monumentally stupid and it makes John crazy when you do which in turn makes me crazy because he bitches at me. So, who was the stupid one?”

“Just look in the bag McRambly,” Tony huffed as he crossed his arms waiting for McKay to walk over to the bag and open it.

“That’s….”

“Uh huh.”

“But…”

“It’s nearly full, and it’s legit, McWonderstruck.”

“Okay, what is with all the goddamned nicknames? It’s McKay, DiNozzo. Do I need to spell it out for you? I mean, did you do this with others you work with or is it just me? What did I ever do to you…”

“Rodney!” Spencer snapped as he came into the room. “Tony used to do that with his partner, Timothy. His name was McGee, and it was a sign of affection between them.”

“Oh. So, what you actually like me?”

“Yeah, McKay I like you. You’re an asshole, but you’re the type of asshole I kinda like. Now, what do we say for the pretty present?”

“Thank you. I-I didn’t expect this.” McKay lifted his chin and swallowed as he looked at least a little chagrined.

“You are welcome. Now I have to go prepare to meet Teyla. Have fun with your new toy.” Tony was walking out of the lab when he heard McKay yell back at him.

“It’s not a toy, thank you very much.”

Tony just shook his head and chuckled as he made his way to his quarters. Teyla had made arrangements with him while they flew back to Atlantis. His mind was jumbled up in a million different directions. He was conflicted about doing the ceremony. There was a part of him that had lost any semblance of faith a long time ago when his mother died to be exact. The tiny sliver that had lived inside him, the part that hoped that there was a God somewhere was extinguished the day that Aaron died at the hands of a psychopath. At the last minute, he took a turn towards John’s office.

When he approached the closed door, Tony lifted his hand to knock.

“Come in,” John said through the door.

Tony entered and did something he had not done in a very long time. He walked to the Sub bench that John had in his office, which he was so going to ask about later, and kneeled on it, hands behind his back and head down. He could almost feel John staring at him.

“Tony?”

“Sir.” The stirring of something deep inside him that he didn’t want to acknowledge had him frowning to himself. He almost felt like he was looking at himself from the outside in.

He heard more than saw John moving towards him, pulling a chair with him. He felt strong, gentle fingers on his chin lifting so that John could look right at him.

“What’s wrong, Tony?”

Tony took a deep breath and sat back further on the bench.

“It’s this ceremony. My mother died when I was eight, my father had something to do with it, but nothing was ever proven. I thought I had lost all my faith, but then Uncle Clive swooped in and took me to England and raised me. I never fully regained it, but a small bit still floated around in here,” Tony pointed to his heart as he looked down at the floor. 

“Then, when I held Jack for the first time, it was...I can’t describe it, John. It scared me and humbled me all at the same time. I had a little of that faith return. I thought, how could something so small and precious not be some kind of miracle. And Aaron. Sunday’s that he was home, he’d want us to go with him to church. He had faith, and it showed in the type of person he was. Then,” Tony’s jaw hardened as he looked back up at John. “Then he was taken from me, and Jack and all I could think about was, if there truly was a God, why the fuck would he let that happen.

“How can I do this ceremony if I have no faith left? Teyla. She’s so sure and steadfast, but I’m, just confused.”

“Tony, you don’t have to believe in anything. Teyla, she won’t hold it against you. She understands more than you think about faith and how people can lose it. She won’t ask more from you than you can give. This ceremony, it’s more about helping you to let go, if you want to. No one will pressure you to do something you don’t want to do or aren’t ready for.”

“I,” Tony sighed softly when a hand cupped his cheek. “I want to be ready. I know, I know I can’t keep holding onto something that is gone.”

“Tony, there isn’t some timetable here. You’re grief and what you’ve gone through is personal to you. Don’t push yourself if you are not ready. I’ll still be here, not going to go anywhere. Yes, I want you and what we could have together, but I’m not going to force you to do anything. Any Dom that would should be stripped of their house marks.”

Tony breathed a sigh of relief and smiled again. He wasn’t sure what he did to deserve the patience John was showing him. He couldn’t even put into words what it was he had felt for Aaron, but John seemed to understand better than anyone back on Earth had. Except maybe his cousins. He had not meant to push them away, but he was barely holding on there for a while and needed to pour all of his concentration onto Jack.

“Thank you, John. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

“I think when you kicked that Marine’s ass that tried to fuck with me back on the Seahawk kinda did it for me.”

“Please don’t tell me you’ve been pining, Sheppard.”

“No, not pining, but you did fill my fantasies for quite a long time.”

Tony smiled wide and shook his head feeling more settled about this whole letting go ceremony Teyla had planned out. She had said it was going to be small and he could invite whomever he wanted to it.

“Teyla said I could have people come to it if I wanted. I already spoke with Spencer, and he wants to be there. I’d like it if you would come to.”

Tony’s heart was pounding hard in his chest as he tried hard not to look at John with the eagerness that he felt all throughout his body.

“Of course I’ll be there for you.”

“Thank you.” Tony was too full of emotion as he settled back on the bench.

“Tony, you don’t need my permission to stand. I’ll be there shortly, I just need to finish some reports, and close down my work.”

Tony blew out a breath and stood. When John stood as well, he felt his heart beating faster again as the man stood close to him.

“You always have the right to say no, Tony. Never forget that.”

“Oh, I very much want.”

John slid a hand in Tony’s short hair as the other wrapped around his hip. He pulled the Sub closer to him and gently kissed. He kept it between slightly chaste with just a bit of passion. Enough to light a fire in Tony’s very nerves. John slipped his tongue out and gently teased Tony’s lips. Holding him right where he wanted him, John slowly pressed harder, deepened the kiss just a bit more before he pulled back and pressed his forehead to Tony’s.

“I do want more from you, Tony. I’d like to eventually make you mine, in every way, but I won’t ever take advantage of you.” John placed a chaste kiss on Tony’s forehead then pulled out of the embrace leaving a slightly shattered Tony standing there. He nodded to John and left, shaking just a little from the emotions that had been churned up.

An hour later saw Tony with Teyla, John, Spencer, and Ronon in the gym that Teyla had transformed for the ceremony. Tony was kind of blown away by how beautiful it looked. Teyla had draped patterned silks that would make even the best textile makers weep, all over the room. There was soft candle light, and the gym was darkened just enough to give a warm, calming atmosphere. In the middle of the gym, there was a circle of pillows set around to sit on with what looked like an incense burner in the center of the pillows. Teyla herself was wrapped in similar silks and not her normal BDU’s or even the Athosian skirts she often wore on her days off.

Tony couldn’t help the smile or an appreciative eye as he walked in the room. She had told everyone to dress comfortable. Tony had put on a pair of soft linen pants and a shirt that was just a tad too big. It had been one of Aaron’s that he just couldn’t part with. He had a few pieces that he brought with him and set in the back of his closet.

Everyone else was also comfortably dressed. The scent from the incense burner helped Tony relax a little. Teyla had assured him that it would not hurt his lungs in any way. With a smile, she walked up to Tony and took his hands, then pressed her forehead against his.

“This is a safe and welcoming space, Anthony. I hope you find the peace that you seek.” She pulled back and led him towards the circle of pillows and gestured for him to take the one directly across from her. After everyone was seated, Teyla closed her eyes and let the moment surround her, giving off a sense of peace and serenity.

“We are here to honor those that we hold dear but have lost. I honor my Mother and my Father, my lost sisters and brothers. I honor those of my people that have been lost to me. They may have been taken in body, but they will never be taken in spirit.” Teyla had another, larger bowl in front of her. This was made of a heavy metal that looked like brass, but Tony knew wasn’t. Some stones had been set inside and heated. Teyla took up a few pieces of leather that she placed on the stones.

"I return their symbols to them and pray they are doing well in what awaits us beyond our deaths. I will always be grateful for the lessons I learned at my father’s knee. He taught me to be kind and compassionate. Demanding, but fair. To lead our people in love, faith, and honesty. I have tried very hard to honor him.”

Teyla closed her eyes a moment and took a deep breath, then she opened them and turned to Tony.

“Who would you like to honor, Anthony?”

Tony swallowed hard as he took what he brought with him out of his pocket and held it tightly in his hand.

“I would like to honor my Partner, my Lover, my Dom, Aaron Hotchner. He taught me what it means to Submit fully, to open myself up to another as I had never done before. He broke down my masks, the ones I had put up as defense against the whole world. He broke me down completely and was there to help build me back up. His love and devotion, to me, to our son, to his team were one of honor and respect. He was a quiet man, often not saying much, but when he did speak, it was always important. I was his Sub, his lover, his Consort, and I would do it all over again. He was the best part of me and made me a better man. He showed me what it was to be a father and I only hope to be half as good as he was.” Tony opened his hand and heard Spencer suck in his breath.

“This was more than a badge to him. It was a symbol of honor and duty. It was as much a part of him as his family was. He loved being in law enforcement, we both were a bit married to our jobs. He always said I understood him like no one else ever had. If he’s listening, I love you, Aaron.” Tony choked as he placed the FBI badge he had kept with him on the hot stones.

Closing his eyes, feeling like he was in a safe space, Tony let himself grieve. He had held so much of this in for the last few months, he had not wanted to let go, but Tony knew he had to. The pressure, the emotions had become too much, and for once Tony let himself go. He felt two hands wrap around each wrist. Spencer on his left, John on his right and knew he had people there for him. When Tony wiped his eyes, he felt, empty, but there was a sliver of hope that had replaced some of the grief.

“Anthony, we are honored by your love and your generosity. Thank you for letting us be part of something so personal.” Teyla’s smile was gentle as she reached over and laid a hand on his knee.

“Would anyone else like to honor someone who has left this world?”

Spencer cleared his throat.

“I’m a man of science. Faith and ritual are not something I typically have indulged in. But, I would also like to honor Aaron. He was my teacher, my mentor, and my friend. During one of my darkest times in my life, when I thought everyone had left me alone, he was there to help me. He could have ruined my career, but he didn’t. He let me work through it, and let me know I wasn’t alone. I loved him as a friend, one of my best. He had made me promise, once when we were in a very perilous situation, that if anything happened to him, I would take care of Tony and Jack. I hope that I have lived up to his wishes. He was the best of us, and I will always miss him.” Spencer pulled something out of his pocket and laid it on the hot stones.

Tony sucked in a breath as he looked at what Spencer had laid there.

“Spencer….”

“He helped me through that first year. That’s as much his as it is mine.”

Tony smiled and took Spencer’s hand and squeezed. He looked to the side to see John’s face, which meant Spencer and John had not talked about Spencer’s addiction since their blowup. Although Teyla and Ronon were a bit confused, they were respectful enough not to ask.

Ronon said a few words about his people and put a piece of paper that looked to Tony like some kind of house crest on the rocks. Then John went and spoke of his mother. He laid a picture in the pile with the other items that were burning. After he had been done, they all sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Thank you, all of you for sharing a part of yourselves with the Ancestors and with me. May you all find a lighter heart and peace.” Teyla bowed a little then everyone was moving. When John and Tony left the room, Tony very nearly fell on his knees in front of John. He was shaky, and he needed something.

“Come on, Tony. I’ll take care of you.” John led Tony to his quarters.

When they entered, John turned to his companion and eyed him critically. Thinking how he wanted to approach this.

“Strip. Completely.” John moved to the cabinet in the corner of the room that he was using for storage of his equipment. He watched Tony strip and didn’t even try to hide the bulge that was forming in his pants. John wanted Tony aware that he wanted him. Turning back to the cabinet he pulled out a few things then moved back to the bed.

“I know we talked about limits, tell me how you are right now, Tony.”

Looking up at John, Tony felt a shudder run through him as the anticipation built up inside him.

“Green.”

“Good. I know that wasn’t easy for you, and I know a part of you is still holding back. I’m going to give you a choice here.”

John laid two different floggers on the bed. One had long strips of silk and cotton with silicon woven through it. It was meant to heighten sensation, not to cause pain. The other looked like a hand braided one that Tony was a little curious about.

“I spent a little time in Japan. One of the smaller, more private houses that teach the art of making your own ropes, floggers, etc. This is called Kumihimo braiding. Just like these are.” John held up long strips of intricately braided flat binding straps.

Tony’s eyes darkened with lust as he looked at the straps. John smiled and held them out for Tony to feel in his hands.

“Oh, that’s nice.” Tony’s smile widened as he imagined them being wrapped around him.

“A combination of silk, cotton, and linen strands. I want to make more, but we just don’t have the same materials out here in Pegasus. Do you want to try them?”

“God, yes.” Tony kneeled up on the bed and waited to see what John was going to do. Fingers felt his collar, turning it around so John could use the ring. Slipping one end of one of the straps through it, John pulled it down. There were hidden fasteners that let John secure the strap at the top of the loop. He then fastened it at one-inch intervals till he got to the end of the strap. Picking up another one he threaded it through the first small loop at the top, which then wrapped around Tony’s shoulders, then fastened in the front. The next series of straps John wrapped the ends around the arms, binding them against Tony’s sides as he went. When he was done, Tony was completely covered from shoulder to stomach in the braided straps.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” John helped Tony lay down on the bed and noticed how the Sub closed his eyes and was completely relaxed. John took the next set of straps and wrapped Tony’s legs together from just above the knee to the ankles, keeping the knees exposed and free from the pressure of the bindings. John let his fingers wander over Tony’s body, watching the rise and fall of his breath.

Tony felt his whole body go limp at the comforting feel of the bindings. He had been on edge, close to an emotional drop and John had known just what to do for him. Tony let go and let John take care of him. He felt the touches on his exposed skin and pressing lightly over the bindings making Tony fall even deeper into his Submission.

When lips touched his own, Tony moaned into the kiss. John took his time in helping Tony reach that place inside him that craved the Submission, the letting go. Tony's mind relaxed by degrees, his body followed. John's pressing on the bindings mixed with his fingers on his exposed hips and thighs had Tony getting hard.

“Tony, I want you so bad. I want to touch and taste. I want to take you apart inch by inch. I want to make you fall apart. Can I have you DiNozzo?” John whispered against his skin.

Tony didn’t have to think about it, they had been working up to this over the last couple of months, and after the ceremony, he needed something more.

“Yes, Sir. You can have me,” Tony’s eyes were half closed, but John could see the want and the lust burning there. Deft hands undid the straps on his legs freeing them. John pulled them apart and starting at the ankle he pressed kisses into the heated skin, making his way slowly up, leaving marks as he went. Tony’s cock twitched in anticipation, and his head swam with the pleasure. Though he and John had played, it had stayed somewhat platonic, this was the first time that sex was going to be brought into their relationship and Tony knew he very much wanted it.

“I’m going to sit you up, take the rest of the bindings off.” Tony could only nod as John quickly worked to undo him. That didn’t mean John didn’t have something else in mind. When a few minutes later Tony’s arms were tied and hooked to the bed with his legs bent and held in a different set of straps, open and waiting for what John was going to do, Tony slipped further into Submission. Tony's mind emptied and all there was, was John and what he was making Tony feel.

John kissed his mouth hard and needy, then mouthed down his chin and neck. He left dark, bruising marks along Tony’s chest and stomach. John almost moaned with the need he had deep inside for the Sub underneath him. Then, finally after an almost agonizingly long time, Tony felt lips wrap around his cock.

“Fuck,” he cried out as John slid his mouth inch by inch down the hard cock. Using lips, tongue, and just a light scraping of teeth, he brought Tony almost to the brink. Grabbing the lube he had put on the bed earlier, John kneeled on the bed and moved closer to Tony. His front was flush against Tony’s ass, their cocks brushed together making Tony arch wanting more friction.

“Shh, I’ll get you there, trust me, Tone.” John poured the lube into his hand and gripped both of their cocks. He fell forward just enough so he could thrust. Leaning down he took Tony’s mouth in a kiss and made shallow thrusts into his hand making just enough friction to make Tony moan and writhe beneath him in the restraints.

“You’re so beautiful like this. All tied up in the ropes I’ve made, begging, moving under me. I can’t wait for the day when I finally slide my cock inside you and fuck you, making you scream. Do you want that too, Tony? Do you want my cock inside you?”

“Yes, fuck yes.” Tony arched up as best he could in the restraints as he felt the beginnings of his orgasm pull from his groin and his thighs. He was begging for John to move faster.

John gripped a little tighter and started to jack them faster, then Tony’s body tightened up, and a moment later he came in John’s hand. John wasn’t far behind as he grunted and released, splashing his cum over Tony’s stomach.

“Jesus, fuck, Tony,” John panted as he got himself under control. He stood up and grabbed the washcloth he had brought with him and wiped himself off then he cleaned Tony. When he felt steady, he released Tony from his bindings, gently massaging to make sure there were no circulation issues. He made Tony lie back as he walked to his small kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.  “Have some of this before you fall asleep.”

Tony drained half the bottle, then put it on the nightstand next to him.

“Sleep, Tony.”

“Stay, please.” Tony had reached out and grabbed John’s hand. John was initially going to sleep on his couch, giving Tony some distance, but the pleading in Tony's eyes had him wanting to stay as well.

“Alright.” John smiled, then turned off the lights in his quarters before crawling into bed and wrapping himself around Tony.

When he felt those arms coming around him, Tony felt like he could breathe for the first time in a long time. He closed his eyes and sent up a little prayer that Aaron would forgive him for beginning to move on.


	9. Part 9

John quietly moved into Tony’s quarters. Atlantis had easily adjusted to John bringing in the cabinet with his equipment. Tony hadn’t wanted to move Jack. The boy was happy where he was, and he didn’t want to upend the boy’s life more than it already had been.

Tony was sitting on the couch reading to Jack, letting the boy sound out the words as they went. Tony’s arms were around Jack’s waist as his head hooked over the boy’s shoulder. Rodney had found a whole cache of literature geared towards children in one of the data caches they hadn’t previously been able to access because of their power issues.

“Then De-a-nar ran to the ring and wa-ai-ted for his friends to follow,” Jack read along with Tony.

“Papa?”

“Yes, Figlio?”

“That’s the thing you and Uncle Spencer and Uncle Rodney and Uncle John walk through?”

“Yeah, kid it is.”

“It doesn’t hurt?”

“No, baby it doesn’t hurt.”

“Okay. Are you a superhero like Daddy?”

Tony took a deep breath and closed his eyes a moment to center himself. John watched from the kitchen while he was getting them something to drink. This tower was one of the first that had reopened after the second ZPM was installed. They had found whole small apartment and family group sizes in this one tower. The first rooms to be inspected and repaired were given to Tony. The kitchen had taken both men a little time to get used to, but it was relatively easy once they figured out how to use the appliances.

John came over and placed some drinks down on the small table in front of the couch and sat next to Tony.

“Kid, your Papa is very much a superhero.”

“I knew it.” Jack sighed as he laid back in Tony’s arms resuming reading the story to himself and only asking Tony when a word looked funny to him. Placing a kiss on his forehead, Jack giggled but continued with the book.

“I thought, if nothing crazy happens over the next couple of days, we could take Jack to the mainland to play with the kids in the settlement.”

“That sounds like a good idea. Would you like that, Jack?”

“Can Uncle Rodney and Uncle Spencer come?”

“We’ll ask. But I can’t promise you anything, okay?”

“Okay.” Jack slid off his lap and grabbed his crayon bucket and a coloring book, then went to his room. Tony watched him the whole way.

“You're second guessing yourself again.”

“Yeah. I can’t help worrying. I don’t think I’d survive losing him too, John.”

John frowned a little hating to hear that from Tony, but he knew it was a touchy subject, so he steered away from that conversation.

“How is the physical therapy going with the Athosians?”

“It’s going well. They’ve been responding beyond expectations, and the Ancient tech that Carson has been teaching me has helped a lot. Once I get a good grasp on it, I can help more people.”

“Tony, I don’t think I could have asked for someone better to come out here to help us. I’m glad you decided to take the risk.” John laid his head back on the couch and pulled on Tony till his head was on his lap. He gently stroked Tony’s hair, the both of them enjoying the calm. They had a mission the next morning, and they wanted to be ready.

“As crazy as it is our here, I’m glad we came too.”

* * *

“McKay, you just had to go and tell them that their spiritual leader was pretending to be an Ancient, didn’t you?” John yelled as they were running from the fire from the blasters that the people of P3X-287 had. Their initial recon of the planet did not show any type of advanced weapons among the inhabitants.

“Yeah, well that man is about as bad as any cult leader back on earth. Tyran, or whatever the hell his name really is, needs to be stopped, and his brand of crazy religion needs to end. These people deserve more.” Rodney shouted back.

Tony was just running and grinning like an idiot. When he turned and looked at John, the Colonel raised a questioning brow.

“What are you grinning at?”

“Just like old times.” Tony chuckled as weapon’s fire narrowly missed his head.

“If this was your old times, no wonder your Dom wanted you under lock and key,” Rodney yelled as he tried to keep up with the group.

“Would all of you just shut up and run,” Teyla shouted at all of them as they made their way back to the jumper. This mission had FUBARed almost from the beginning, but Tony was thinking through and knew what needed to happen. He bit his lip as he ran full out, knowing that John was going to be angry with him and he would most likely receive punishment for it, but before they ran to the clearing where the jumper was, Tony spun on his heels and dropped to his knees.

“What the hell are you doing?” John yelled, and Tony heard the fury in his voice.

“Just trust me, okay?” Tony hissed as he put his hands behind his back and his head down.

The villagers stopped their running right in front of Tony.

“What is this then?” The leader frowned as he walked around Tony.

Tony stayed silent.

“You will answer me.” The man shouted but didn’t raise his weapon.

John cleared his throat as he tried to figure out what the hell Tony was doing.

“He won’t speak unless you tell him it is okay.”

“I don’t understand what this is.” The leader, Carin looked very confused.

“He’s Submitting to you so that you stop being an asshole and attacking us just for telling you the damn truth.” Rodney crossed his arms and glared at the man. John rolled his eyes and counted backward from ten so that he lost the temptation to shoot his best friend.

“Speak,” Carin jabbed Tony in the shoulder with his weapon which made John very itchy to pull the trigger.

“You would not listen to us about what is happening in your village. This seemed like the only way for you to stop your attack and just fucking listen to us.”

“You tell us that we are being manipulated and expect us just to believe you?”

“No, it was why we wanted to show you what this Tyran was doing. You immediately shot at us, remember?” Tony tipped his head up and looked Carin in the eye.

“Fine. We will not kill you, but don’t push my patience.” Carin stepped back to give Tony room to stand, but he just stayed where he was. “Well, get up.”

Tony tried to hide the smirk that formed on his lips as he stood. He waited, still with hands behind his back, head tilted to the side, still displaying his Submission to the leader.

“Come on; we have a long walk back.” Tony started to walk in front, then Carin moved up next to Tony and walked with him.

“What just happened,” Teyla whispered in John’s ear.

“Tony just gave the leader of the village back his power. We had taken it for questioning their beliefs in Tyran. By Submitting to Carin directly, Tony let him know that he was in charge. Stupidly brilliant.”

“But dangerous. Tony couldn’t have known it would work. Spencer would kill me if anything happened to Tony.” Rodney frowned and complained as they walked.

“You’re just upset you didn’t think of it.” John smiled when Rodney glared at him.

“Do you Lanteans always talk so much?” Carin growled at them as they continued their way to the village.

Rodney was about to make a comment when John gave him that look that said to shut the hell up. Rodney huffed and attempted to keep quiet the rest of the way. Teyla didn’t try to hide her amusement at the two of them.

When they entered the village, Tyran was waiting for them.

“I knew you would return them, brother.”

“Okay, Prove what you say is true.” Carin moved back and aimed his weapon at Tony’s head. “If you fail, I will kill you.”

John gritted his teeth. He was so going to have a long ‘discussion’ with the Sub about this whole cluster fuck.

“Hello, Tyran all I want you to do is hold this in your hands.” The man looked at Tony skeptically as he held out his hand for the device. “Now, see Carin, that is what we call an Ancient device. You know, the people that you have been worshipping over generations, as you told us when we arrived.”

“Yes. I have seen some of these devices. No one in the village can make them work.” Tony took out another device, on of the toys that Rodney had given Jack to play with. It was a learning toy, but the boy loved it. Tony held it in his hand as the device lit up with the hologram learning program.

“See, similar to what your so-called Ancient is holding in his hand. John?” John flashed Tony a dark look letting the Sub know his displeasure. He walked up to Tyran and took the device out of the man’s hands, and it lit up like Christmas.

“I-I-I do not understand.”

John was about to answer when Carin’s wife, Sonya came out and laid a hand on her husband’s arm.

“It is what I have been telling you, Carin. This man is no prophet. He is no Old One. He spun a web of words that you fell into and believed.”

Carin crumpled, and he looked like his whole world had just shattered.

“Now, husband, why don’t you go meditate and we will take care of this imposter.”

“Come now. You cannot believe these outsiders? Have I not brought you peace? Have I not shown you how to fix your crops, and to clean your water? Have I not loved and cared for you?”

Tyran smiled nervously as Sonya stepped up to him and slapped him across the face.

“You raped my daughter, and you tried to rape Salim’s daughter. You are no spiritual leader. You are no Old One. These people have broken your spell on my husband, and while I would generally leave matters of punishment to him, I will give you to their hands to do with as they will. You are not welcome here.” Sonya spun on her heels and looked at Tony. “Gives us time, Anthony, to heal to undo the damage done here, then come back, and we will talk trade.”

“Sonya,” Teyla moved forward and took the woman’s hand. “There are two excellent mind healers on Atlantis who might be able to help you and your people if you let them, and if you can promise them protection. I do not like to leave knowing how hurt you now are.”

While Teyla was talking with Sonya, John had approached Tyran with a set of cuffs in his hands. The man’s eyes widened, not with fear, but with rage and he attacked. No one had seen the blade in his hand. Tony saw it just seconds too late when John went down, bleeding. Fear flooded him as he dropped to his knees and pressed his hands against John’s wound. He looked up when he heard the noise from several Zats firing at once. Tyran went down.

“Don’t you fucking die on me Sheppard. Not after everything we’ve shared dammit.” Tony swallowed hard as he stared into John’s eyes that clouded over in pain.

“Not gonna happen.” John tried to laugh, but Tony could see the pain that he was in.

Sonya stepped up and kneeled next to Tony.

“Tyran is dead. How can I help you, Anthony?”

“Here, hold your hands around the knife. I have to try to stabilize him. Whatever you do, do not let that knife move, understand?”

Sonya nodded, then Tony and Teyla went to work. A few minutes later they had the wound wrapped as best as they could, and the knife taped down so it wouldn’t move. The Jumper hovered over them, Rodney having called Ford to get his ass over to their location as soon as they could. Ford landed as close as he could to the group. Then, he ran out and helped to get John on the transport.

“We’ll contact you in a few days. But first…”

“We understand. Take care of your Ho’ohaku.” Sonya laid a hand on his knee, “He cares very much for you.”

Tony just stared at the woman wondering about the word she used. The door to the Jumper closed and soon they were passing through the wormhole. Tony was scared that he was going to lose someone else. He wasn’t sure if he could take it if he did.

* * *

Sitting in the med lab, Tony knew he was driving Dr. Beckett crazy.

“Lad, you need to go back to yer own quarters. I’ll let you know if there are any changes, I promise.” Tony knew he should leave and concentrate on his son, but seeing John on one of the infirmary beds was driving him crazy.

“I know, Carson. It’s just…”

“I know, but there isn’t anything you can do for him lad. You can’t make yourself sick, and that’s what you are doing. He’ll come out when he’s good and ready. The knife was a clean entry, and the surgery went well. He will be all right, but he will be very upset if he finds ye here worrying.”

Tony nodded and stood up. He took one last look at John and made his way back to his rooms. Tony had canceled all physical therapy sessions till he knew that John was going to be okay. Tony was almost to his quarters when he saw Teyla approaching.

“How is he?”

“Carson said he’s going to be fine. I didn’t want to leave. He all but kicked me out.”

“Yes, Carson does not like when people hover. He has thrown both John and Rodney out of the Med lab on several occasions. You know there was a time when we all thought that those two would become more than friends.”

“They do seem close.”

“Yes, but, you have been good for John. He watches himself more when in the field since you came to Atlantis. He is not as foolishly reckless as he was.”

“That is somehow comforting.”

“I came to find you because Dr. Weir would like to speak with you.”

“Now?”

“Yes. Would you like me to walk with you?”

“Thank you, Teyla, I’d be grateful.”

The silence between them was warm and comforting. Tony was finding a kinship with Teyla, and it surprised the hell out of him. He liked her a lot. She reminded him of a quieter Kate. Teyla could certainly give back as good as she got, but unlike Kate, Teyla had absolutely nothing to prove.

“Well, I will leave you to it. I will go check on John.”

Tony took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Dr. Weir’s voice didn’t sound upset or anxious. Tony wasn’t sure what this was about. The door slid open when he hit the control panel. Then he walked through.

“Dr. Weir.”

“Mr. DiNozzo. Please have a seat.”

“May I ask what this is about, Dr.?”

“Tony, please how many times have I said to call me Elizabeth.”

“Many.”

Weir laughed as she took her seat and leaned forward on her desk.

“How are you doing with fitting in, Tony?”

“It’s been good. Look, Elizabeth, why are we doing this now?”

“I just want to know what happened out there. I read the reports, but I would like to hear it from you.”

Tony blew out a breath and sat back. He told her everything about the village, about Tyran and the tentative agreement they had made with the Makesh, as they called themselves.

“What concerns me, Tony is that you used your Submission. Now, I’m not saying it was the wrong tactic in this case, but we have run into several societies that are similar to ours when it comes to domination and Submission. Many of the people we have encountered have been gracious and welcoming, but some have not. A society that calls themselves the Imina, they had tried to keep Dr. McKay because he had Submitted to John when it came to some tech they had on the planet. It became violent and when John wouldn’t leave Rodney there. I just want you to be aware that it can be dangerous.”

Tony wondered if he should be angry that Weir was telling him this, but then in the back of his he heard not just Aaron, but John and even Gibbs telling him to listen.

“Duly noted, Ma’am. I will be careful.”

“Because if you get hurt or kidnapped, I have no idea what John would do. He would probably talk Rodney into blowing up the whole planet, and Rodney would probably do it.”

Tony tried not to laugh. The situation wasn’t really that funny. Tony had gotten to know the dynamic between John and Rodney well enough by now to understand that Rodney would literally do anything for John. Tony frowned a moment, and his thoughts strayed to when he and Gibbs used to be that close. He pushed down on those memories and knew that it wouldn’t do him any good to dwell on them.

“I don’t doubt a word of that Elizabeth.”

“And, Tony?”

“Yes?”

“John is going to be fine. He’s come through tougher things than this.”

“Like giant bugs that feed on people?”

“Like giant bugs that feed on people.” What wasn’t said was the video Tony had seen of John being fed on by a Wraith. He was almost glad that they hadn’t been together then because if he felt for John then what he did now, Tony would have torn the very gates of heaven and hell wide open to get the man back.

When he finally got back to his quarters, Tony wanted a shower then he would visit Spencer in his lab. He had been working with Engineering the past few months to understand the inner workings of the city. He had also been trying to crack the ZPM problem. With Lt. Colonel Carter’s research along with McKay’s research Spencer felt that there was a solution that was staring them right in the face, they just weren’t seeing it.

Stepping into the shower, Tony let the warm water wash over him as he bowed his head and sent up a little prayer for John to be alright. He knew intellectually that he was going to be fine, but there was always that fear that their time together was going to run out.

Stepping out of the shower, Tony looked at himself and saw the changes that had come over him over the last eight months. Tony was leaner in his body. His skin had darkened which made the green of his eyes more prominent. Tony had more calluses on his hands, but some of the dark shadows under his eyes had lifted, and the early lines on his face had smoothed out. He was eating better, sleeping better and a sense of peace that he had not been able to find back home had settled over him.

Tony turned around and stared at his Consort mark, something he had not done in a while. He still ached deep in his soul, but the acute pain was no longer there. Tony knew he would probably have a part of him that would always grieve over Aaron’s loss, but he felt that he was letting go a little more each day. Tony turned away and toweled himself off, then padded into the bedroom that he shared with John and saw how much their lives had intertwined with each other.

Comms, earwigs, stray ammo, data pads, and more mingled together and Tony knew it had all happened organically. He was letting John in more and more. Tony shook himself out of those thoughts as he grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and slipped them on, then the BDU’s and a t-shirt. Tony took off his dog tags, which John had insisted on since Tony was going on first contact missions, and laid them on the dresser. Taking a deep breath he set aside the feelings that he knew were there for the Dom he was falling in love with. He couldn’t think about that right now, not while John was still in the infirmary still asleep and healing from a severe knife wound.

Leaving the room, Tony went in search of his son and Spencer. It didn’t take long because he was right where he thought they would be, but Spencer was smiling wide. He was very animated about something when Tony walked in.

“I’m telling you, Rodney, I think this is going to work. Basically, the ZPMs are big batteries. Now the naquadah we have, and the supply that we have found could potentially power up almost every empty ZPM on Atlantis. The naquadah and the energy for the ZPM are similar. I believe that the Ancients used some sort of energy exchange to power up the ZPMs. We just have to find this room here on Atlantis, and I can almost guarantee you that it is going to be a conversion chamber.”

“But you don’t know that, Spencer.”

“I’ve found that Spencer’s intuition is only rivaled by that of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs, second b for bastard. Spencer doesn’t think linear like you do, McKay. I know you call yourself the smartest man in two galaxies, but Spencer is pretty goddamned smart as well. You might want to listen.”

McKay stopped mid-sentence to look between Tony and Spencer, then threw up his hands in exasperation.

“And if you’re wrong you’ll have wasted precious energy on a damned fool's errand.”

“But if I’m right, we can recharge the empty ZPM canisters we keep finding all over this place. There has to be some kind of charging station Rodney, the Ancients were very smart, they would not have kept these intact if there wasn’t a reason to. They would have recycled the materials once they were depleted, but they didn’t so that has to mean something.”

“Plus, the kid is really good at reading maps.”

McKay opened and closed his mouth almost like a fish out of water. Spencer tried to hide the snicker that slipped out as he watched his Sub flounder trying to find a reason not to go and locate the room that Spencer suspected was an energy conversion station.

“Fine, okay, but we are taking Ford, Lorne, and Teyla. We have no idea what is there because we have not explored that part of the city. Though it's going to light up like a damned Christmas tree with you just walking through the damned halls.”

“Just don’t let John know you’re using his kid brother as a light up toy.”

“I am doing no such thing, DiNozzo.”

“Oh, I think you are McManipulator. You know very well that Atlantis loves the Sheppards and she will respond to them like no one else. You take Spencer to part of this station you haven’t explored, and she is going to open up like a blushing bride on her honeymoon.”

“That’s…”

“Accurate?”

“Shut up.”

Spencer laughed like he hadn’t for a long time and it was good to see. Even if this actually did turn into a fool's mission, at least Spencer was enjoying himself.

“Now, where is my kid?”

“Oh, I set him down over there with some more books that we downloaded. He’s soaking them up. We even found a primer on rudimentary Ancient, and he has picked it up quickly.”

“Really? Aaron wanted to get him tested before he started school. If he is absorbing stuff this fast, I don’t think he’ll be able to go to the Athosian school. He’s going to bypass them quickly.” Tony walked to where Jack and fallen asleep in the chair. Smiling, he gently picked the boy up and held him close.

“Papa,” Jack sighed and snuggled close to Tony.

“Yeah, kid. I think it’s nap time.”

“Is Uncle John okay?”

“He’s going to be just fine, Kiddo, I promise.”

“Love you, Papa.” Tony snuggled Jack close as he said his goodbyes to Rodney and Spencer.

As he walked out the door, he whispered softly in Jack’s ear, “I love you too, buddy.”


	10. Part 10

Spencer was looking all over the city for John. He wasn’t answering his comm, and he really needed to find him. Spencer was worried about Tony, who had dropped Jack off with him and Rodney and said he needed a couple of hours. Spencer didn’t think anything of it till he saw the date.

Finally, after finding him in the gym sparring with Ronon, Spencer felt a little bit of relief.

“John, I think you need to find Tony.”

The two sparring men stopped and turned towards Spencer, John frowned as he grabbed a towel and wiped his face.

“Spence?” John knew his brother well enough that if he was worried about something he needed to listen.

Spencer looked back and forth between Ronon and John, not wanting to voice what he thought was happening in front of the bigger man.

“Ronon.” John tilted his head towards the showers, thankfully the Satedan understood and said his goodbyes. “Kid, what’s going on?”

“Tony dropped Jack off with Rodney and I. He didn’t look...right.” Spencer took a breath as he looked down at his shoes, the date weighing heavy on him as well. “It’s been a year, today.”

“Shit.” John quickly wiped down and threw his BDU’s back on, then went to go find his Sub. John almost tripped up at that thought, but shook his head and went to try to find Tony. It didn’t take him long, he looked the first place he thought the man would go and luckily his instincts had been right. Tony was standing on the edge of his favored pier. John’s worry deepened as he studied the rigid stance of the man in front of him. Spencer was right. Something was very wrong. John carefully walked to the end of the pier and stood next to Tony.

The silence between them stretched on, but John was patient. He had learned early on that Tony would talk when he needed to and to force him was to push him away.

“A year.” Tony visibly swallowed as his eyes stayed on the gently rolling water below them. “Someone’s life can change so much in a year. I can’t... where did that time go?” Tony’s voice was way too calm and quiet for John’s liking.

“Life moves on for all of us, Tony. It's how we deal with those changes that define us.”

“I never took it off. Never.” Emotion choked his throat as Tony turned his head to look at John, who took in a sharp breath as he now understood what was going on. “I promised him that I would never take if off.” Tony opened his hand where he had an almost death grip on the collar that Aaron had given him.

“Tony…” John had no clue what to say at this moment.

“Have you ever collared anyone, John?” Tony turned his body away from the water making John let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. Tony’s voice sounded odd, thin and quiet. And it scared John. He tried to imagine the trauma Tony was going through, he wished the Sub had done this with him, in the safety of their quarters.

“Never wanted to, ‘til you,” John confessed as he took a tentative step closer to Tony. He had an idea of what was happening, and he knew he had to be very, very careful how he proceeded from here. Someone so close to a drop, any number of things could go wrong, and John didn’t want to make a bad move.

“You’re a bastard.” The tears that slipped down Tony’s face twisted something in John’s gut, he couldn’t lose Tony, not now, not after finding him after all this time.

“You kinda knew that, but what did I do?”

Tony looked down at his shaking hand and didn’t even try to stop the emotions he was feeling.

“You made me love you. Fuck. You made me fucking fall in love with you, you fucking bastard,” Tony yelled as he balled his other fist at his side.

“And that scares you?”

“Yes!” Tony yelled again as he slowly sank to his knees gripping the collar he had taken off in his hand. John got down next to Tony and pulled him into his arms. He knew the crash was coming, John knew he needed to get Tony back to his room and take care of him as Tony worked through the drop he had fallen into.

“Tony,” John brushed a kiss against Tony’s forehead, holding him close, letting him purge the emotions he had held onto so tightly over the months they had known each other. “Come on, Tone. Let me take care of you.” John slowly pulled Tony to his feet and led him back to their quarters.

John’s heart was breaking seeing the typically strong man who used masks to hide behind. He had slowly been peeling back the layers of Tony DiNozzo to find the truth of him. John had figured that after Aaron died, Tony locked down tight on those masks, letting very few people in. Spencer had been there for as much as he could, but John felt that Tony had been holding back. Hearing his confession had shaken John a little, but he told Tony the truth. John had not wanted to collar anyone, especially after the events that got him stationed at McMurdo. He had closed himself off as much as the man in his arms. He did want to offer one now, to Tony, but not till they could talk and be completely honest with each other.

Tony gripped Aaron’s collar tight in his hand and tried to work through the conflicting emotions as he was led back to their quarters. Jack was playing on the floor, Teyla had taken him for the day when she went to the mainland to check on the children in the settlement.

“John?” She looked up as Tony was being led to the bedroom. “Why don’t I take Jack for the evening. Looks like you need to talk.”

“Thank you, Teyla.” John heard the door shutting as Teyla left the apartment. He pulled out the Sub bench and guided Tony to it, settling him down on it. “Now, tell me what happened.”

“We came back from P3X-287 and seeing you in the med bay…”

“Hey, I’m alright Tony. I’m here nothing happened to me.”

“I know, I know it’s just at that moment, it made me realize that I had fallen in love with you. But, I knew I couldn’t move forward, if that’s what you want, with Aaron’s collar still on. I knew...I knew I had to take it off.”

“Why didn’t you come to me, Tone?” John laid a hand on Tony’s cheek as he looked down into the very green eyes that had captured him almost four years prior.

“I wanted you to see me, uncollared, ready for whatever this is that is growing between us. I wanted you to see me, untethered.”

John blew out a breath as he slowly sat on the end of the bed. This was a huge moment between them, and John was blown away by Tony’s gesture.

“I would have helped you. You did not have to go through that alone, Tony. Yes, I want you as my Sub, my partner, and eventually, if we get there, my husband. You never have to do things alone. I wouldn’t want you to.”

Tony slowly opened his hand and held it out for John. At first, he wasn’t sure what Tony wanted till he gently took it out of Tony’s hand.

“You don’t have to get rid of it Tony. We’ll find something special to put it in.”

“Thank you.”

John stood and walked to his nightstand and took out the box he had in there for almost six months. Never finding the right time to present it. He wasn’t sure if now was, but he had a feeling that this was what today was leading up to. Making the decision quickly, he sat back down on the bed in front of Tony, who was still kneeling.

“I had this made a while ago. I knew from the moment I saw you again that if I ever had the chance, I wanted to make you mine. You don’t have to accept right now, I know what a big decision this is, but you should at least know.” John held out the box for Tony to take.

Sitting back on his heels Tony slowly opened the box and blew out the breath he had been holding. Inside was a gorgeous metal collar with a green gem in the center.

“They call it a Dragon’s Eye. I saw it at the markets on PX2-821 with the express purpose of putting it in a collar. Green for your eyes. The jeweler I commissioned it from had a small supply of platinum, he had it done in in a few days time.”

Tony looked up, his eyes were swimming with want and need. He didn’t even think before he was saying yes. John dropped to his knees and took the box out of Tony’s hands. Gently he lifted the collar up to Tony’s neck and waited a moment.

“I want this, Sir.” Tony held John’s gaze as the Dom slipped the cool metal around his throat and fastened it. John leaned forward and kissed Tony and felt the quick shudder as Tony settled.

“And for the record, I love you too, Anthony Dimitri DiNozzo.”

* * *

The morning meeting started out like most. Everyone filed in, coffee was poured, the geeks complained about the dwindling supply, and the department heads all seated around the conference table ready to discuss where everyone was at. Except for this morning, they were all staring, mouth agape at Tony and at McKay.

“Are we going to have to talk about this? Share our feelings and get our all our kumbayas out? Seriously stop staring, it's a collar, so yes we did a thing last night not that all of you nosey people need to know or make a big deal about it” McKay glared at everyone at the table.

“No, and congratulations, to both of you.” Weir smiled and broke the stupor that everyone was in. “Okay, let us get started, shall we? I’d like to hear from you, Tony. How is the physical therapy coming?”

“Commander Lorne’s shoulder is almost back in shape. I think another two weeks should do it. I’m going to release him for milk runs only and maybe secondary missions. I’ve been working with one of the men from the mainland who had a broken leg that he didn’t get the proper care for. I’ve consulted with Carson and we both agree that the best thing is for us is to re-break it, set it properly then have him stay on the station for rehab. He was afraid to say anything because he is like Teyla. He has Wraith DNA.”

“Dammit. I cannot believe that Halling is still letting superstition override common sense.” Teyla tried to keep her anger in check.

“We will do as much for him as we can, Teyla.”

“I know you will Dr. Weir. And I thank you again for all that you do to help my people.”

“Dr. Reid, you said in your reports that you had something for us?”

Spencer smiled wide as he set his datapad down.

“The room that we found is indeed an energy conversion room. We have all wondered just how the ZPM’s are powered. Even Dr. Carter’s research has not really made a dent in what we know about them. While her research was impeccable, the connection that the ZPM’s are some form of converted naquadah didn’t even cross her mind. The energies are similar, just not similar enough. I spent some time searching what we have already deciphered of the Ancient database about the energy conversion room. When both John and I were in there, several panels slid out, and basically, they looked like giant battery recharging stations. There are ten bays. Now, we don’t have enough energy left in the ZPM that was found earlier in the year to power them all at once, but if we can get one charged fully, then we can work on getting another one and do this in slow increments. I can guess that we can have five fully recharged ZPM’s within the next two months.”

“The problem that we have now, not enough supply of naquadah to do that.” Zelenka put his datapad down on the table and looked over at Rodney who was thinking the same thing he was.

“And the planet with a generous supply of naquadah...” Rodney turned to John and pressed his lips together in a grimace.

“Is the Genii.” John finished Rodney’s sentence.

“Shit.” Dr. Weir pushed back from her place at the table and covered her mouth with her hand, thinking.

“Those are the really bad guys that tried to take over the city?”

“Yes. John hunted down and killed their commander. I wish that it hadn’t come to that, but he just kept coming after us.”

“And there is a new person in place?”

“Yes. No, Tony, no. You are not going to go to the Genii homeworld.” John turned to Tony with a glare that almost reminded him of Aaron.

“You forget why I was brought out here.” Tony glared back at his Dom, who looked like he was on the verge of ordering him to stay put.

“I’m not going to risk you with those crazy mother fuckers. We can get naquadah somewhere else.”

“How rich is the planet and do they still want C4?”

“Tony! I’m putting my foot down. This one is not ever going to be up for debate.” John shoved away from the table and stormed out of the meeting.

“I think you need to read about the invasion of the City and what it was that John had been forced to do. I’m sorry Tony, I agree with him. We cannot reason with the Genii.”

“Maybe your approach has been all wrong. This is what I do Elizabeth. An interrogation is really just a negotiation. A different type, yes, but essentially you are negotiating with the bad guy to get the information you want. This is what I do, Elizabeth,” Tony reiterated. “This is what you expect me to do and now, just because I’m John’s collared you are all afraid of letting me do the thing I’m good at.”

“Tony, this has nothing to do with your dynamic and everything to do with how dangerous the Genii are.”

“Then lend me the best you have. Let me take Ronon and a couple of badass Marines. I’m not helpless. Just because I didn’t go through Marine training doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I’m sorry, Tony. I cannot authorize this.” Weir gave him that stare that he knew so well from all the other leaders he has ever worked with. The whole this is my kingdom and you’ll obey my law. Tony hated that look, and he hated not being taken seriously. He would take the day to watch the feed of the invasion of the city and study everything they had on the Genii. He wasn’t going to let this go.

The meeting adjourned, and Tony left, but Teyla caught up to him, grabbed him by the arm and shoved him into an empty room.

“I know what you are thinking, Anthony and it is a foolish course of action.” Teyla looked pissed.

“If I take Ronon and a couple of really badass Marines, I can do this, Teyla. Why does no one trust me in this?”

“Because you do not understand what the Genii put us through.”

“Then let me understand. Give me everything on the Genii, let me study them.”

Teyla crossed her arms and shook her head.

“You are just as horribly stubborn as the Colonel, you know that?”

Tony grinned that grin he used when he knew he had won part of the battle. Now he just needed to convince John to let him go. If not, he would find a way to go anyway.

* * *

Tony groaned as he woke up in the cell that Commander Korra had thrown him into. He had done his homework, lots of homework and thought that he had his persona down pat. He underestimated the Genii, and he knew if he was getting out of this, John was going to be pissed. Ronon was probably out there searching for him now, but Tony knew he wasn’t anywhere near the Genii settlement. No one knew about the beam they had installed in their home base to move quickly to the underground bunkers. Tony knew Ronon was going to be pissed. He was supposed to be Tony's back-up with the two marines that came with them. Tony had not counted on Sora and her deep hatred of the Lanteans.

“Let me guess, it was my natural charm and good looks that gave me away?” Tony tried to smirk at the Commander, but his lips were split and bleeding. He felt his left eye closing from the beating he had already taken. Ribs bruised, possibly broken and his right leg might be broken as well, he wasn’t sure.

“That’s a smart mouth on you.”

“I get that a lot.”

Korra grabbed his collar which pissed Tony off. He vowed if he got out of this, the man was getting his own beating for even thinking of touching what was John’s.

“I just may have to find a way to make you learn to keep your mouth shut.”

“Well, it isn’t like I haven’t been tied up and roughed over a bit before today, though it usually isn’t so harsh and I kinda like it, I have to say that you have a warped sense of hospitality.” Korra backhanded Tony, which was going to leave a nasty bruise. John was going to be pissed.

“Tell me where you are from.” Korra glared at him as he bent down face to face with Tony.

“Oh, what, do you want to meet the parents? Gee, I don’t know this is only our first date, we have no idea if this is even a thing. Maybe a few more dates, hell we haven’t even had our first kiss.” Tony was trying to keep Korra distracted to see if he could get out of the restraints he was in. He wasn’t paying close enough attention when the punch to his gut hand him falling forward. “Fuck me.” He yelled.

Korra grabbed his hair and pushed him back hard against the chair.

“That mouth of yours, maybe I need to find a better use for it.”

For the first time since being taken, Tony was genuinely scared. There was nothing that frightened him more than having his Submission, the thing he treasured and gave freely to those he cared about, forced from him. He knew this could break him, but he just had to keep Korra talking, even if it meant he was physically hurt, as long as that was all, till John could get there, he would be okay.

Korra let his hair go, then slowly walked around the chair. Tony’s heart was racing when he felt the restraints being loosened, then he was being forced to stand. He thought about swinging out, but Korra grabbed his wrists in an iron grip as he slapped the restraints back on. Tony’s upper arm was then grabbed, and he was forced to walk out of the cell. Tony didn’t want to even consider where they might be going. He stumbled along, trying to assess his injuries and knew, that he had at least a fracture in his leg, whether it was broken, he wasn’t able to tell. When the entered Korra’s personal quarters, Tony knew he was fucked.

“Get on your knees.”

“Seriously, I may have a broken fucking leg, and you want me to Submit to you, you sick fuck?”

Korra’s smile had Tony shaking on the inside.

“I like them a little broken. On. Your. Knees.” Korra then took out his blaster and pointed it at Tony’s head. For a moment, just a small moment, he thought about defying Korra, but he knew if he died, it would break John and if he could help it, Tony was not going to let John go through what he went through. Tony thought of Aaron and knew if there really was an afterlife the man would be pissed if he let himself get killed. Slowly, but with anger and defiance in his eyes, he got on his knees. Korra brought chains, and by the time he was done, Tony only had on his pants, and he was bound with his arms above his head.

“You know that whatever you do to me, it’s rape. I do not Submit to you, and you can go to fucking hell you bastard.” Tony glared as the man had a strange energy whip in his hand. Tony swallowed and reached deep down inside to find the will to hold on.

* * *

By the time John and two squads of Marines had spilled out of several jumpers that landed near the Genii settlement, fully armed and armored, he was pissed. He marched into the middle of the village and raised his P90 at the first person he saw.

“You tell me where the man you took captive is and I just ‘might’ let you live.”

“Colonel Sheppard, I’m not sure I know what you are talking about.” Sora walked up to him and crossed her arms. “Are you telling me a Lantean spy was in our midst?”

“I am past playing games with you and your people. We came here originally as friends. It isn’t my fault you are all crazy, stupid motherfuckers who can’t see past your own goddamned narcissistic selves. I’m out of patience. I will order my men to start firing if you don’t take me to my man.”

“You are bluffing.”

“Was I bluffing when I closed the Gate on your people to keep them off of Atlantis?” John pointed a gun directly at her face.

“Sora, back off. Now!” A new voice came from the side and John didn’t even flinch. Sora glared at Teyla was was standing next to John.

“Who are you?”

“I am Ladon Radim. I am the new leader of the Genii. I was preparing a diplomatic package to be sent to your people to try to re-open negotiations, without prejudice. I can’t take back what the previous leaders did, Sheppard, but I was hoping we could move past it and see how we can help each other with our common enemy.”

“And why should I believe you?”

“You shouldn’t. I don’t expect you to. Trust, for both of us, needs to be earned. We broke trust with you immediately, and for that I am sorry.”

“And Cowen?”

“Is being tried for war crimes against your people.”

“Where is my man.” John kept the gun poised on the Genii woman who looked scared, but he did not care. He was past caring when it came to the Genii.

“He is being interrogated by our new commander, Korra Denarin. I will take you to the holding cells. But only if you put your weapon down.”

“You can’t do this, Ladon.”

“Sora, you’re in no position to tell me what I can and cannot do. Your deep seated misplaced anger at these people will not be tolerated for much longer.”

“Sir...”

“No. I will not hear another word from you.” Ladon turned his back on her and John just raised a brow at this new leader.

“Come, I will take you to your man.” John signaled for some of the men to stay their positions, he took Teyla, Ronon, and Lorne with him. They traveled in silence as they descended below, then through the underground bunker. When they got to the cells, only one Guard and Cowen were there.

“Where is the detainee, Trace?”

“Sir, Korra took the prisoner to his quarters, Sir.”

“That idiot.”

Before either Teyla or Ronon could stop him, John fisted his hand in Ladon's shirt and pulled the guy into his body, so they were practically sharing breath.

“If that man has so much as touched a single hair on my collared Sub, he is dead.”

“Colonel…”

“NO! I mean it. One single hair out of place and your man is dead.” John scowled at the Genii leader before he released Ladon.

“Come on, I’ll show you the way.”

John was vibrating with rage. He was so going to have words with Elizabeth when they get back to the city.

* * *

If looks could actually kill, then Korra should have been dead. He would not give the man what he wanted as he was hit once again with the whip. He didn’t cry out, he didn’t even flinch, but each hit was like fire. He just held out hope for John to get there.

“Not so mouthy now are you.” Korra threw the whip to the side after turning it off. Tony wanted to sag in the chains as pain radiated from his arms and down his body. His back, he didn’t even want to think about any damage done to the mark. He tried not let any tears fill his eyes as everything in him fought to hold on.

“You’re a piece of chickenshit scumbag. First chance I get, I will kill you.”

“Oh, when I’m done with you, you will be begging for me to kill you.” Korra stood in front of Tony and undid his pants. His cock was hard in his underclothes, and Tony was physically repulsed by the idea of it coming anywhere near him. “I will make you take it.”

Tony clamped down on his mouth, even the hand around his throat didn’t get him to open up. He was about to pass out when the snick of a door was heard, making Korra immediately turn around.

“What the hell is going on here?” Ladon looked murderous. “And for godsakes man put yourself back to rights.” Before he could, John was on him. The punch was swift and hard as Korra fell to the floor. The crack of his head against the floor made everyone wince, and when he tried to get up, Teyla pointed her weapon at him.

“I would not do that if I were you.” The keys to the locks on the chains had fallen out of Korra’s pants, and John was on them. He unlocked the locks and had Tony in his arms.

“Jesus Christ, Tony,” John growled with emotion as Tony fell weakly into his Dom’s arms. “I’m so mad at you right now, but you're alive. Fuck, I thought...I thought you were gone.” Tony’s throat closed as emotion choked him up.

John helped him to stand, and the walked towards Teyla. When Tony was close enough, he grabbed her pistol, turned in John’s arms and aimed it at Korra’s head.

“Told you I’d kill you, you sick fucking bastard.” Without warning, Tony pulled the trigger dead center of Korra’s head.

He pointed it at Ladon’s head next.

“I may not have a lot of strength left, but you tell me right now who the fuck allowed him to do this to me?”

“It was me.” Sora had followed the group and moved forward, defiance and anger in her eyes.

“So, did you know that sick bastard was going to rape me?” Tony yelled as he led the gun up to her face, no one had said a thing at first as shock over what Tony had done had kept them in a momentary stupor.

“NO! No I...I just thought he was going to try to get you to take us back to Atlantis.”

Tony was barely holding on. The last three days were worse than Somalia. That he knew what he was walking into, it had all been meticulously planned. Tony knew he was going to get taken. But this, this wasn’t like anything he had ever gone through before.

“I should kill you too.”

“Tone,” John said quietly in his ear. “You need to put the gun down. I know, okay. I know, but she isn’t worth it.”

Tony swallowed as he stared at the woman. “You are a nasty, bitter woman who can’t get your fucking head out of your ass. Your Father was military. He died on a mission. Yet you can’t even put blame where it belongs. The Wraith did it. This wasn’t some damn…” Tony slid down in pain, shock was starting to set in.

“We need to get him out of here.” Ronon came in and picked Tony easily up in his arms, then started back to one of the jumpers.

“Look, we all have made mistakes, but every single one of you needs to wake the fuck up. We are not your goddamned enemy. They are.” John pointed up to the sky to indicate the Wraith. “Now, if you can see that we would only benefit each other and help each other we would only be stronger.” John turned to Sora and stepped into her personal space. “If there is any permanent damage on him, I will come back here, and I will inflict that damage on you. No matter what it is and no one here is going to fucking stop me.”

John stormed out of the room and made his way back to the jumper where Tony was being looked after by Carson.

“He’s in shock, dehydrated and I bet they gave him no food. The burns on his back, I treated as best I could till we get back to the City. I gave him a sedative that will keep him calm till we get there.”

“But he’s going to be okay, yes?”

Carson’s expression softened, and he laid a hand on John’s arm, “He will be fine, physically, but I canna tell you how he will be mentally.”

The other men were making their way back to the Jumpers, Teyla having taken the lead. When Ladon and some of the others made their way forward, John was tempted to point his P90 at them, but he held back, barely.

“I don’t know how we can move forward from this, but I have something for you. It was what your man was trying to negotiate for. We have an abandoned mine at these coordinates. It went into disrepair because of the Wraith. They kept to the miners. If you help us repair it and figure a way to protect it, we will make a trade agreement. Trust, I realize needs to be earned.”

“Yes, yes it does and your people have broken it one too many times. But, we will check this out and if it's good, we’ll talk.”

“That’s all we ask.” Ladon stepped aside, and three large boxes were set in front of the Jumpers. Teyla checked them over and found nothing wrong.

“They appear clean and free of any explosives.”

“Thank you. We will consider this your olive branch. Don’t let us down.” John had Ronon deal with getting the cases of naquadah onto the jumpers. He didn’t want to leave Tony, not for anything in the world.


	11. Part 11

“What would you like to talk about today, Tony?” Dr. Heightmeyer asked as she leaned back in her chair.

Tony frowned as he looked down at his leg that was still in a cast. It had indeed been broken, almost as he felt inside. The pain of guilt for getting captured then tortured had eased a little. He was stuck on the almost rape and the scars across his Consort mark even though Carson assured him he would help them fade over time, the damage had still been done. It still hurt, and he had nightmares. Something that had not happened to him in a very long time.

“The scars.” Tony twisted his fingers together keeping his eyes on his hands, not looking up at the Doctor.

“What about them?”

Tony wiped away the moisture that leaked from his eyes.

“You know I’m a marked Consort.”

“Yes.”

“You know the man who did it was my Dom who was killed.”

“We have talked about that. I do remember you telling me.”

“The scars, they…” Tony looked away. He couldn’t get the words out as he sat there shaking from the emotional pain.

“Tony, this is a safe place. Anything you tell me will not leave this room, you know that.”

Tony turned back to look at her, the silent tears fell.

“Aaron designed my mark. He knew when to add to it and when to hold back. He placed it with care as I learned and grew in my Submission to him. It is the single most precious thing on my body and now…”

“You think it’s been ruined?”

Tony nodded. “John is still upset with me and Jack... God, Jack. How could I have been so foolish? Why the hell did I come out here? I should have stayed home, maybe. I-I don’t know.”

“And if you had stayed back on Earth, you think you would have been in less danger?”

Tony laid his head back and tried not to let himself slip into the depression he knew he was on the verge of.

“No. No, I wouldn’t have been in less danger.”

“Tony, do you think that the scars somehow have lessened the meaning of the path you took to become a Consort? Do you think the gift that Aaron had given you is tainted somehow?”

Tony blew out a breath as he gently sat forward.

“A part of me believes that but the other part tells me that nothing will taint what we had. I don’t know what to believe right now.”

“What I think is that you need to forgive yourself.”

Tony shook his head as he worked his jaw back and forth.

“How can I forgive myself? I almost threw what John and I found away. How do I come back from that?”

“You talk, you listen to each other. You tried to do a good thing for all of us, and in the end, people who were once an enemy, we now have an open dialogue with.  You did that Tony.”

“Right. Well, this had been a blast.” Tony stood and grabbed the crutches he was still using. He still didn’t trust a lot of the alien tech. Carson did what he could with the technology he had, but some of Tony’s injuries had to heal the old fashioned way.

“Tony…”

“Look, Dr. Kate, I appreciate this, I do, so I will come back tomorrow. I just...Let me do this at my own pace.”

Kate nodded, and Tony left her office. He made his way to his quarters and collapsed on the bed. After his leg was healed, he was going to need to work out to get back in shape, but at the moment all he wanted to was try to get some sleep, which had been very elusive since his rescue.

He heard the door chime, then it opened. Tony heard little feet, and his heart did little flips. Wiping his eyes, he sat up and waited for Jack to run into the room.

“Papa!” Jack yelled as he crawled onto the bed and pressed his little body next to Tony’s.

“Hey, Figlio.”

“Dr. Kate make you better, Papa?”

Tony reached down and pulled Jack, so he was sitting in his lap. Tony brushed the boy’s hair out of his face and tried not to think that he almost made Jack an orphan.

“Not yet, kiddo, but we’re working on it.”

“Where does it hurt?” Jack asked as he put a hand on Tony’s heart.

“It hurts there, but it hurts here too.” Tony pointed to his head.

“Why?”

“Because your Papa didn’t listen to someone who is just a little smarter. I thought I could be a superhero, but you know what?”

“What?”

“I’m human, just like you, or Uncle Spencer, or Uncle Rodney, or anyone else.”

Jack leaned forward and kissed the spot on Tony’s shirt right where his heart was.

“That’s okay, Papa. I love you.”

Tony finally looked up to see who had brought Jack back. When he saw those blue eyes that he had fallen for he just stared for a moment.

“Hey kiddo, can you go to your room and play for a bit? Papa and your Uncle John need to talk.”

“Okay.” Jack slid off the bed, ran around it to give Tony a kiss on the cheek, then tottered off towards his own room. It was only when the door slid shut that any words were spoken.

“Hey.” John sat at the edge of the bed.

“Hey. I thought you would be another day or so.”

“Rodney was able to get the shield fixed for the Irian’s. They even were willing to give him the research on how to build one of our own.” John reached out and grabbed Tony’s hand to bring it up to his lips. He kissed each knuckle, then the back of Tony’s hand. “I already said I’m not going to punish you. I think you are punishing yourself too much. Weir sanctioned the op, and you had Ronon and your two badass Marines. Tony, you had no way to know that Sora was going to go batshit and sell you out. Ronon is still kicking himself for not moving in when he had a chance. I just wish you had trusted me to tell me first. I had to find out after you left. But, I want to start to put this behind us.”

“So, you aren’t…”

“I’m not what?”

“Leaving me?” Tony’s gut churned at the thought of John not wanting this that was between them.

“No, Tone, I’m not leaving you. I just...I needed a few days to cool off. If I didn’t, I think I would have gone back there and killed every single person who believed they could touch you.”

Tony lifted a brow at the possessive tone in John’s voice.

“You know that shouldn’t be as hot as it is, right?” Tony smiled, but even he knew it wasn’t the same smile. That would take time.

“What?” John frowned.

“You being all possessive and shit.”

“Only you.”

“So…”

“So, we put this behind us as best we can, and we move on. It doesn’t mean that we won’t talk about this, about us because it’s been made very clear to me that I have a problem with expressing my emotions.”

“It’s just my luck.” Tony shook his head as he sat up in the bed a little more.

“And what does that mean?”

“That I keep falling for emotionally stunted jackasses.”

“Yeah, well get used to it DiNozzo.”

“Gladly, Sir.”

John leaned forwards and kissed Tony like a man that had been drowning, and maybe he was, maybe they both were, but Tony knew they would get through this and come out stronger.

* * *

It took time and talking, lots of talking. To Dr. Kate, to John, to Ronon, but Tony was healing mentally and physically. He and John grew closer and finally when he was ready he went to see Weir about what had happened.

“Tony, have a seat, please.” Tony lowered himself into the chair across from Elizabeth’s desk, setting the cane he was now using up against the desk.

“I’ve talked to Ronon, but not the two Marines that went to the Genii homeworld with me. I want to know exactly what happened.”

“I thought you might. Everything is on your datapad, Tony.” Weir was watching him carefully for a moment before she continued. “I’m sorry for what you went through. I am just as responsible, Tony.”

“Elizabeth, don’t…” Elizabeth held up her hand to stop him saying anymore.

“I am the leader of this expedition, and ultimately all of you are my responsibility, no matter what happens. I let you persuade me, even though I knew it was extremely dangerous. But, there was some good that came out of it. We have better, open communication with them and we are starting small. Ladon promises that he will be evaluating everyone that has any contact with us and will do everything he can to build the trust that was broken.”

“And you believe him?”

“I do. The supply of naquadah that Ladon initially sent with you, he gave freely as reparations to us for what they have put us through.”

“And Spencer said that he has already recharged one depleted ZPM. I heard they are swapping out the one that is currently powering the City and he will set that up next to recharge.”

“Yes, it's going to take place in a couple of days.” Weir leaned forward and tilted her head. “I know you can read the report, but I think you are here to hear it out.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay. Ronon and Lieutenants Johnson and Taylor were in hiding around the Genii settlement, as you asked them to be. Ronon tried to keep as close to you as possible, and he said that everything appeared to be going fine, till Sora showed up.”

“Yeah, didn’t account for her having visited the mining operations on M5V-801 as a kid. She saw through the undercover persona. Then, it wasn’t too much of a leap to figure out that I came from the City.”

“Ronon said you were stunned by one of their weapons, then just disappeared. He looked, but couldn’t find you. That was when he and the Marines got ahold of us and told us what was happening. He stayed on the planet to try to find you.”

“They somehow got ahold of a beaming device. The Genii had dismantled and covered up most of the outside entrances to their underground facility. Especially the one's John and Rodney knew about. There is only one physical entry point now, and it was several clicks from the settlement. That was the one John and the others were taken through. I think, I’m not sure, but I believe they may have found one of the downed jumpers that hadn’t been sent back to Atlantis yet. How they found one, I’m not sure.”

“You think they somehow backward engineered something?” Weir looked troubled at that information.

“It’s possible. We would need to ask them. These people aren’t stupid, Elizabeth. Most of what I could get before Sora figured me out, they have been engineering a lot of new technology since you first encountered them. Either they had a logical leap in their research, or they scavenged and brought back tech to learn what they could from it and started engineering from there.” They talked for a while longer, Weir asking him questions and Tony answering as best he could about his ordeal. He knew that she would want a verbal report, even though he had already filed his written with John.

“Okay, this will be something we will bring up with them in our next negotiation meeting.” Weir sat back again in her chair, “I know you wrote all of this out in the reports, but I’m glad you came to me to talk about this, and I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

“So, this had been fun. I’m now going to go find something not so depressing to do.” Tony stood and grabbed the cane and left Weir’s office. He needed some grounding, but John was on a mission. He decided to go bug Spencer, maybe talking his friend into lunch with Jack. Tony was glad that his son was doing well and that everyone on the City had gotten to know the boy. The type of education he would get as he grew would be nothing like back on Earth. It made Tony smile when he wandered into Spencer’s lab, and he was sitting cross-legged on the floor and explaining in child terms what he was doing. Using broken, empty ZPMs to show Jack how they were re-charging them to help the City achieve full power. Jack was like a sponge and quickly picked up concepts that should be way beyond him.

“Hey you two, I was wondering if you would like to have lunch together?” Spencer looked up, and the smile settled something inside Tony. This was his friend, and no matter what happened, no matter how badly things might get, Spencer would always be there for him and Jack.

“Sure. Then after we can talk about Energy transference.” Spencer stood, and Jack ran over to Tony, wrapping his arms around Tony’s good leg.

“Hey little monkey, why don’t we go see what the mess has conjured up for us today.” Tony smiled and laid a hand on Jack’s back. He looked up and raised a brow at the smile Spencer was giving him.

“What?”

“I just haven’t seen you smile like that in the last few weeks.”

“Yeah, I just…”

“I get it.”

Tony and Spencer shared a look, and Tony knew that Spencer really did get it.

“Some things never truly go away, Tony. It’s how you deal with it afterward. If you and Aaron had not been there for me, it would have broken me. Aaron risked so much to help me, and I will always be grateful for that.”

“Spence, you know there wasn’t anything else we could do.”

“And I’m paying you back by being there for you.” Spencer looped his arm through Tony’s as they walked towards the Mess Hall.

“Nothing to payback, Genius.”

“Well, I think it’s what John would want, and I think Aaron as well. You are important to me Tony, don’t you ever forget that.”

Tony knew, and the feelings of friendship and love choked him up enough that he couldn’t really say anything. The three of them walked in silence, and Tony knew that he was going to be okay.

* * *

Sitting on his favorite pier, Tony thought back to the last couple of months as he sipped the wine that John had poured them. Something they had found on P5X-860. The expedition was almost giddy when they found the plethora of wineries on the planet. The fruits used were not what anyone was used to, but the wines they made were delicious. Mursam fruit they called it, but no one really cared because they now had open trade with several of the owners of the wineries.

“You know, if we ever find a planet where they make whiskey, I think these guys would go batshit crazy.”

John laughed, a sound Tony had not heard for a while, and it made him feel whole and happy.

“Growing up around a lot of wine, I think if my Father tasted this, he would demand O’Neill to let him come out here just to secure the right to import to Earth.” John chuckled as he sipped from his own glass.

“Somehow I believe that you are not kidding.”

“Nope. Dad loves wine. And Spencer, I think he found something that has made even McKay a little crazy. He and Dad used to go on all these tours. I wasn’t as interested, but David and Spencer love wine like Dad does.”

“Yeah, he would always bring a new find over to share with Aaron and me.” Tony plucked a piece of cheese off the plate they were sharing and savored the sharp taste that paired well with the wine. The variety of dried meats was exotic but delicious. There were also fruits that Tony didn’t remember the name of.

As he was putting a piece of fruit in his mouth, he felt John staring at him.

“You’re staring.”

“I am.”

“Why?”

John moved the plate, then took the glass out of Tony’s hand and set it aside.

“We’ve had a rocky time of it lately.”

Tony sighed and looked up at the constellations that he was giving his own names to in his head.

“We have.” He turned to see that John was still staring at him, but then a hand was on his collar, fingers curled around it.

“This is the symbol of not only our dynamic but the trust that we have in each other. We almost lost that trust, but I think we have moved past that.”

Tony’s breath hitched as he raised his hand and laid it over John’s.

“I want to give you something else, Tony.” John moved to where he was kneeling then he was pulling something out of one of his many pockets.

“John?” Tony’s heart was beating hard as he watched his Dom.

“I love you, Tony. These last couple of months had shown me that we, together, can pull through anything. I want you not only as my Sub and lover, but I want you to marry me.” John held out the platinum ring set with a smaller version of the stone in his collar.

“John.” Words got locked in Tony’s throat as he moved to sit face to face with John. A smile bloomed on his face as he held out his hand. “Yes. Yes, John Sheppard, I will marry you.”

The kiss Tony got was worth every single thing he had been through to get here to this very moment.


	12. Epilogue

It was good to be back on Earth for a while. The recharging of the ZPMs was going well, and Spencer thought that they could have all three slots in the main power room with full ZPMs in just a couple of weeks. Once that happened, they could recharge more at a time as needed. Tony asked John if he could have a few days, and while they had some things to plan, John knew Tony needed some grounding. His ordeal with the Genii, then getting back to the city and recovering had him a lot shaken. He didn’t regret one thing though because it gave them the naquadah they needed and an open dialogue with a former enemy.

Tony had flown into DC, and there was a car waiting for him, he smiled and knew that this was John’s doing. They hadn’t talked about money, it wasn’t like they even used it in the Pegasus system, but he really did need to have that talk. He hoped John realized that his own bank account was quite hefty and that if they ever came back home to settle, Tony was more than flush to help with whatever it was they would need.

These thoughts plagued him as he drove through the streets of DC towards the one destination he had in mind. He was wearing a Marine uniform, having been given a field commission after securing the rights to trade with what was left of the Genii. They had not wanted to admit to their dwindling numbers, but Tony had gotten it out of them. The things they needed most, and how he had agreed to work with them to help rehabilitate those of them that were hurt worse than they wanted to admit. When Tony finally realized that he truly had the upper hand, that was when it all turned. It was tense, but Tony had gotten through it.

Stopping at the house that he had often found himself at when he worked at NCIS, Tony knew how much he had changed. His masks not longer helped him, not in Pegasus. Not in a perpetual war zone. He was proud of the man he had become, and he knew Aaron would have been too. The pain of grief no longer burned in his gut like it had eighteen months ago. Tony thought of John as he twisted the ring on his finger. He had been torn between wanting to do this on his own and wanting John with him. His fiance had come to know him better than he knew himself in some ways, and the man knew Tony needed to do this alone. Finally, Tony stepped out of the car and just walked inside the house. He had seen Gibbs’ car in the driveway and knew the man was home. There was another vehicle in front of Gibbs' house, but Tony didn’t think anything of it.

When he got to the basement stairs, he leaned in the doorway a moment and just watched the man that had been mentor, friend, big brother and more that Tony couldn’t even define.

“Gonna come down or stay up there all day?” Gibbs half growled but kept working on what looked like a dresser. There were no boats this time. Tony chuckled to himself as he moved down the stairs.

“Just needed a moment, Boss.”

“Not yer boss anymore Tony.” The tone of Gibbs' voice almost had Tony faltering, but he quickly recovered. Taking a deep breath, he walked all the way down and grabbed his usual stool and slipped onto it. Gibbs was watching him the whole time.

“That’s a new look.”

“Field commission, but O’Neill already made it official.”

“Major, I’m not surprised. Should I even ask what you did to deserve it? Because if I know you at all, it was something reckless, close to stupid and shouldn’t work, but does because you have the damnedest fucking luck.” Gibbs crooked smile made Tony smile at him right back.

“Oh, I just went undercover, got myself thrown in their jail, tortured, almost taken as the leader’s pet, but still brokered a trade after I killed the son-of-a-bitch.”

Gibbs didn’t even try to stem the laugh that as he shook his head.

“So, you still being you.”

“Yeah.” The silence between them stretched as Gibbs worked a little on what he was building. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, not like where they had ended up when Tony decided to leave.

“So, Boss, I want to ask you something.”

Gibbs set his tool down, leaned back against the bench at his back and crossed his arms.

“What is it, DiNozzo?”

Tony’s mouth twitched as he watched Gibbs, the sudden tension in his body trying not to upset Tony, but he knew where it had come from. They hadn’t exactly parted on the best of terms.

“I’m getting married. I would like you to be my best man.”

Gibbs' eyebrows went so high they were trying to meet his hairline.

“Married, Tony?”

Tony took a deep breath and scuffed his shoe against the floor.

“When Aaron died...I thought nothing in this world would ever ease the pain of losing him. Oh, I tried to act like everything was okay when I knew it wasn’t. I was a mess, Gibbs. He wasn’t just my lover, or my Dom or my partner...he was my Master.” Gibbs sucked in a breath and looked shocked. “I wasn’t ashamed, but becoming a Consort, it changes you. It’s deeply personal, and not only that but I’m Aaron Hotchner’s named heir to Dragon House. His adopted father named him his heir after Haley died. Aaron trained and mastered at Byron, though, because he isn’t a sadist. He was still a boon to both houses. I hadn’t known what it meant at first, but he was a treasure to both houses, and it gave me protections that not even you could have broken. We had a profound bond and when that bond was broken, it shattered me..

“I had to leave, Gibbs. I had to go for myself and for Jack. We were both drowning. Then John Sheppard came around and offered me this opportunity, and I took it. I won’t pretend it was easy because it wasn’t. Where we are, it’s a perpetual war zone. But, we are doing good, and somehow I’ve been able to heal, to let go and let myself have something again. I’m not going to lie, there isn’t a day that goes by that a part of me doesn’t ache for Aaron, but I know I can’t live anymore with the crushing grief his death caused. So, when I had the chance for something new, I took it. And it was the best decision of my life.”

Gibbs stood and walked over to Tony and pulled the man into his arms. Tony let himself be wrapped up in the rare show of affection from Gibbs. They broke apart, and Gibbs grabbed the back of Tony’s neck and looked him in the eye.

“Is he good to you, Tony? Because you deserve no less.”

“He’s very good to me, Gibbs. Though I think I cause him no small amount of frustration.” Tony smirked as Gibbs just shook his head and let him go.

“That I don’t doubt.” Gibbs and Tony shared a look, a look that both of them had lost far too long ago. It was one of friendship and a trust that had been lost between them. “I’m sorry Tony.”

“Well, this is a first. Gibbs, second 'b' for bastard, apologizing.” Tony stood and walked to the dresser taking shape. It gave him a moment to gather his thoughts. “It’s okay Boss, we both made mistakes.”

“I noticed you’re wearing a new collar.”

“It’s John’s. I knew the only way I was going to truly move on was the day I took off Aaron’s. I just didn’t know how hard that actually was going to be. I thought I could do it on my own, and it nearly destroyed me, but John reminded me that I was no longer alone.”

Silence fell once again between them. It was broken a moment later when there was a noise of someone coming into the house and calling out for Gibbs.

“You aren’t the only one that has changed.” Gibbs crooked smile and slight blush had Tony wondering. He didn’t have to wait long for someone to be walking down the steps and into the basement.

“Oh. I didn’t know you had company.” The newcomer looked between the two men.

“It’s alright Colby. I want you to meet Major Anthony DiNozzo, Jr. Tony, this is Colby Granger. He came from the LA FBI office, he took over Spencer’s place in the BAU.”

“Boss?” Tony’s face split into a wide grin as he watched Colby come down the stairs the rest of the way towards them, then twine his fingers with Gibbs’.

“It’s only been six months, but you helped me move on Tony. I watched you fall apart, and I knew, I knew what you were going through. Then I saw you slowly pick up those pieces and become stronger than I ever was. When Dragon House sponsored a meet and greet, I met Colby.”

“It took him awhile to get on board, but I wasn’t going to let him pull any of his bullshit with me. If he wanted this, he was going to have to prove it.”

“Well, looks like you’ve met your match, Boss.”

Tony stayed for a little while longer to get to know Colby and see the dynamic between his former boss and his new Sub. Tony could see that this was a good thing for Gibbs, and he was genuinely happy for him. When he felt it was time to leave, he stood to say his goodbye’s and Gibbs said he would walk Tony out. They were silent till they got to Tony’s car.

“He’s good for you, Gibbs. Don’t screw this up.”

“I know, Tony. And I realize we would have never worked. We would have just hurt each other too much. And, Tony?”

“Yeah, Gibbs?”

“I would be proud to be your best man.” Tony smiled as he hugged Gibbs one last time, then got in his car to meet John and his family. He hoped that this time it would not be a repeat of their dinner from when Tony first met them.

* * *

Dinner had gone better than Tony had thought it would. Patrick Sheppard had been warm and charming, as was the rest of the Sheppard clan. They accepted him, and Tony felt his family expanding. He was happy because it made John happy that his father put aside his prejudice against Anthony DiNozzo Sr. McKay was a shock for the head of the Sheppard clan, but even Patrick concluded that Spencer never did anything normal. Spencer just smiled and wrapped an arm around Rodney’s waist when the Sub went on a rant about the perceptions of normality. Patrick just laughed and shook McKay’s hand welcoming him to the family. It was a good day. Especially when it came to Jack. The boy charmed everyone there, but especially Trevor, Patrick’s Sub. The two became thick as thieves and Tony couldn’t be happier. He was glad that Jack now had more family.

Tony was curled on a couch in the den of the Sheppard mansion when Alec came in looking for him.

“Hey, there’s some woman outside that looks like she stepped out of an ‘80’s Joy Division music video and says she knows you.”

Tony sighed as he stood. John and Patrick had taken Jack out for the day. Patrick wanted to get to know his Grandson. It made Tony’s heart flip a little that the head of the Sheppard clan was taking to his son so well.

“That would be one Abigail Sciuto. It’s okay, Alec. I’ll talk to her.”

“Okay, but if you find yourself in trouble, just shout.”

Tony chuckled and just shook his head. He waited for Abby to be shown into the room he was in, he was not going to go to her.

“Abby, how did you know I was back?”

“I went to see Gibbs.” Abby stood there in her three-inch platform Doc Martin boots, plaid schoolgirl skirt, and black bandom t-shirt. Tony didn’t even want to ask what band because he knew Abby would try to make him listen to them. She was biting her blood red lips and playing with the tips of one of her ponytails.

“Well, I didn’t tell him he couldn’t say anything. I’m going to assume you somehow hacked something and found out where I was staying.” Tony did not look happy. He had not told anyone where he was.

“I just wanted to see you, Tony.”

“And you couldn’t let me do it on my own time, in my own way. It had to be your way, didn’t it, Abby?”

“Are you still mad at me Tony?”

Tony took a deep breath as he settled back down on the couch, Abby took one of the chairs. She set her ever present parasol next to her.

“No, Abby. I’m not mad at you. The truth is, I let you go a long time ago. Being out where I have been, having regrets and doubts can get you killed. No, I talked it all through with someone, and I’m not angry anymore. What I am is sad. I’m sad that the woman I had thought was like a sister to me tried to manipulate me. Tried to make me feel guilty for leaving a toxic environment when I was grieving. Oh, you were great when it first happened, but the Subtle and not so Subtle manipulations to try to get me to stay and to be with Gibbs were unconscionable, Abby. You hurt me at a time when I was already devastated.

“But, and I don’t say this lightly, I forgive you. I have to put you behind me, so I forgive you, Abby. But, I can’t forget what you tried to do to me.”

Abby looked like she was going to cry but all Tony felt was pity. This was a grown woman who had not learned to grow up. He thought about her on Atlantis and knew she wouldn’t last more than a week out there.

“Tony, you can’t mean that.”

“I do, Abbs. I really do. Now, I think you need to go to a real House and get some training. I know you did a couple of sessions at one of the public Houses, but either you didn’t take the lessons to heart, or they are as bad as I’ve been told. I think you would do well at Amaryllis or Hibiscus. You like to believe yourself capable of the harder groups, but they would eat you alive Abbs. You need a better education on Subs and Doms, and I think a healing environment like they would give you would be best. But, that is on you to make that decision.”

Abby frowned as she twisted her hands together.

“Gibbs has been different since you left. I...I tried to be there for him…”

“Abby, please tell me you didn’t take your father issues as far as I think?”

Abby scrunched up her face and looked down at her hands twisting in her lap. Tony felt a momentary pang of regret and sadness for the young woman. He moved in front of her leaning back on his heels.

“Abby, you do realize that Gibbs, he’s a sadist. It’s why he went to Dragon after he left the Marines and before he went to NIS. Frank recognized what was inside him and made him go before he went to work at the agency. You would never be able to be what he needs. He sees you as a daughter, Abbs. For you to have even suggested that kind of relationship to him...I can’t believe you would do that. I’m going to make my recommendation to Gibbs, and to Vance that you need some time away. I really suggest you take it. You’ve had a very unhealthy view of those around you for too long, and because of that, we are where we are right now.”

“But what if I lose my job.”

Tony sighed as he reached up and cupped Abby’s cheek.

“You are more than your job, and I think you’ve gotten lost. You act like you have it all together when deep down, you really don’t because if you did, you would have someone there for you who loves you and would know what you need. But, NCIS can’t replace you if you take a sabbatical for training.”

“I’ll think it about it, Tony.”

Tony nodded, but he would follow through and write to Vance an official recommendation that Abigail Sciuto takes time off to get proper House training. Her attitude and oft-erratic behavior could someday become a hindrance.

“Okay, Abby. Now, I have plans to finish up with. I’ll see you out.” Tony stood and waited till Abby stood as well. He laid a hand gently in the middle of her back and escorted her towards the door. Tony assumed when he saw her again that he would feel many things about Abby, one of them being that sister-brother relationship Tony had believed they had shared. But, now, Tony knew it for what it was. Tony and Abby trying to create a family on a pile of falsehoods they both had built up in their minds. No, Tony had learned what real family was. He had learned what it really meant for someone to have your back, and him to have theirs. Atlantis and Pegasus did not leave much room for errors.

“Tony,” Abby turned, and the two stared at each other for a moment. Tony smiled sadly at her but pulled her in for a quick hug.

“Have a good life Abbs.” Tony let her go and noticed her hesitation. When he didn’t say anything else, Abby just sighed and walked out back to her car that was parked in the large circular drive.

“That is one weird chick,” Alec said as he watched the woman leave.

Tony smiled a genuine smile at his soon-to-be brother-in-law.

“You have absolutely no idea.” Tony turned around as Jack, Patrick, and John came in from the garage. Tony’s heart settled as John came up to him and wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him stupid.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Tony said as he pressed his forehead to John’s.

“You look happy.”

“It was a long road to get here, but I am. I am very happy, and I cannot wait to call you husband.”

“Tone,” John sighed as he closed his eyes holding his Sub in his arms soaking up the love and affection he knew Tony had for him.

“Well, I don’t really need to see the sappy love fest, so I’m going to leave for a while. Maybe find a pretty little Sub for the night.”

“Alec William Sheppard.” Patrick admonished, but the glint in his eye said he knew his son was most probably putting them on.

“What? They are sappy. Stupidly so. I’m outta here.”

Tony pulled away from John and laughed at Alec’s antics. Yes, this was family, real family, but he couldn’t wait to get back home, which was Atlantis.


End file.
